CHAPTER 32: I LOVE HER

Raj - I love her

Vijay and sameer look at him in shock and happiness

Sameer - that's amazing, finally you accepted

Raj took a glance of simran and continued to speak

Raj - I don't know whether she likes me Or not

Vijay - pagal hai kya? of course she likes you

Sameer - he is such an idiot, agar koyi ladki kisi ladke ko like nahi karti tho kyu itne qareeb aayegi

Vijay - stop being so negative

Raj - I shouldn't have

Vijay- what?

Raj - I mean i shouldn't have got close to her in this situation

Sameer - what to do you mean?

Raj - I was consoling her and it just happened

Vijay- you mean that kiss?

Sameer - did you two speak after that?

Raj - no, tum log aa chuke te

Vijay - koi baat nahi college ke baad baat kar lena ab zyaada mat soch

Lecturer arrived to the class and students got busy in taking down the notes

SIMRAN 'S POV

When Raj went to his place , all my friends looked at me in shock ,my heart was still not beating normally, that flashes of kiss were playing in my mind I could still feel his hands on my body

Anjali - what was happening here?

Sneha - simran are you here?

sneha said loudly and my attention got back to them

I didn't know what to say, I looked at them nervously

Seema- what's wrong? why Are looking so terrified?

Sneha- did you both get intimate?

Sneha asked me looking straight into my eyes

I looked down and stayed quiet

Anjali - kuch bolegi? did he try to do something with you forcefully?

Anjali questioned angrily

Sneha - what do you mean by forcefully? Raj aisa ladka nahi hai ki kuch galat kare, I know Anjali you don't like him but pls think before you speak ?

Anjali - phir ye itni dari huwi kyu lag rahi hai, aur shock mai kyu hai

Sneha - iska reason kuch aur bhi ho sakta haina? stop blaming him always

Anjali - and you stop defending him always

Sneha and Anjali started arguing and I couldn't handle this anymore

can you guys please keep quiet for a while? I said

Seema - Tu pehle bata ki huwa kya hai? did Raj forcefully

Simran - please stop talking about him right now and no he didn't do anything wrong it was my fault

Sneha- your fault?

Simran - I should have stopped myself from getting close to him

Anjali - ye kya bol rahi hai tu?

Sneha- you like him ,don't you?

Simran - let's not talk about it anymore

Seema - why? why should we not about it anymore

Simran - because I don't want talk about it anymore

Anjali - you like him or not?

Simran - I said let's not talk about it

Sneha- what's wrong with you? what's wrong in accepting the fact

"because he deserves better" , I said loudly

Anjali looked at me and said " let's not talk about it right now give her some time "

Sneha - but

"please" i pleaded and sneha stopped talking and we all remained quiet

lecturer arrived to the classroom, and I tried my best to divert my mind but it was getting difficult, I couldn't stop thinking about Raj, that kiss, and sneha's questions

I was not confused about my feelings towards him, I like him more than just a friend, and I knew it's more than liking ,but i also knew the fact that he deserves better, he deserves someone who is mentally strong, and I am not the one for him or may be he is just attracted to me physically or may be he is just being sympathetic towards me Or may be he also feels the same for me and I should stop him I should stop him from falling for me, because he doesn't know about my past, he just knows half of my trauma,he doesn't know about the trauma, and in our country people blame the girl if she has been molested or raped, they blame the women, they shame the victim and I am scared to share about my past with Raj , I didn't want to change my image infront of him, I didn't want him to think bad about me

I kept thinking and the lecture got over and mam walked out of the classroom

I slowly looked at Raj , he was already staring at me and smiling,my heart started beating like a drum again , I immediately looked away

Are you okay? sneha asked

I simply nodded my head

I think we should go to canteen and eat something she will feel better, sneha suggested

No I want to go home, I said and got up quickly and started leaving the classroom

Listen Simran? , Anjali shouted but I started walking fastly

I didn't turn back and kept walking fast , I got into an auto and directly went to home

my heart and my mind was making me crazy, I reached home in 10 minutes, as soon as I reached ,my mom opened the door, she was speaking something but I couldn't hear anything ,my mind was occupied with the flashbacks of our first kiss and I was scared of getting caught,there was a mark at corner of my mouth,I ran towards my room , I closed the door and sat down on my bed

What did I do, why did I even allow him to kiss, why did I kiss him on first place, and why that kiss felt so good, his hands on my body made me feel so satisfied, his desire and passion for me made me believe that he is the one for me ,I touched my lips , it was still swollen, unknowingly I smiled , I went near the dressing table and looked at myself I looked different , I was glowing, his care for me the way he behaves so differently with me was enough to melt my heart but I was not sure what if he is just being sympathetic towards me? what if he is just attracted towards me? I closed my eyes to shoo away his thoughts, I didn't know what to do, the thought of staying away from him was making me anxious, a lone tear escaped from my eyes

mom was knocking on the door so i immediately wiped my tears and went to open the door

"kya huwa hai tujhe? ", mom asked

"kya huwa hai, kuch nahi", I replied

"door lock kyu kiya aur tu ro rahi hai?" , mom questioned

"Aree nahi mumma wo aankh mai kuch chala gaya hai", I said and tried to fake a smile

" theek hai jaldi fresh ho jaa maine pasta banaaya hai tera favourite" , mom said and she left

thank god she didn't notice the mark on my lips I thought and went to freshen up