Does Crafting Get People Hard?

Turns out that the extra life force gathered by Kate's Black Blade of Baghdad can be burned off to make extra clones, which is damn handy when you might want a thousand master level sorceresses working containment when you want to borrow without asking power from an energy based universe eater to make a mountain of Uru to go along with your mountain of Vibranium.

Mountains of Adamantium, Adamantine, and Nth metal pending finding examples of such metals and additional assholes to heist.

So there we were on Mars with the Ancient One providing a fire hydrant to the Dark Dimension, me tearing it open, and a thousand Kates working to funnel all that power right into the Reality Stone where I converted it all to Uru using an ancient weapon left on Earth as an example, and flowing all those Uru bars right into my open Bag of Infinite Capacity on the floor right now because I don't care how how strong I become, I will never direct a raging river of metal bars to my groin.

Despite the massive drain creating a single bar demanded, we'd already filled the hull space of a Viltrumite War Ship by the time Dormammu even realized something was going on, and let me tell you it is pretty fucking awesome when a giant rippling face comes charging right at you as you stand in a melding of realities only for him to shout, "OH FUCK!" and try pulling back when he realized he is just feeding himself into our energy draining grand ritual faster.

The undisputed master of the Dark dimension struggled and worked on different plans to get him out of this trap right up until we'd made enough Uru to create a life sized model of our solar system. By then he'd shrunk to the size of a watermelon and when he shouted, "Alright, you people win!" he sounded like a member of Alvin and the Chipmunks.

With that Dormammu pulled down the metaphysical blast doors between our dimensions, a permanent severing of our realm and his.

The Ancient One gasped as her connection to her source of her Immortality ended, then smiled.

"Who would've ever thought that a pair of blood-covered interdimensional conquerors would become the greatest heroes of our dimension, saving it for all time from the predations of Dormammu." she chuckled, "Certainly not an old woman with a stone that allows her to see possible futures."

"So you're mortal now…" I smirked as I hefted my crotch a couple times, "I've got the solution to that situation…"

"Thank you for the offer, Markus." the Ancient One smiled, "But I find that I am rather fond of this feeling of finiteness. I do believe I will rather enjoy my twilight years after such a long delay. Plus, handsome as you are, laying with you for a thousand years in a temporal distortion sounds like it would chaff."

"That's what the kinky sex magic is for!" I laughed, "Magical lube would take care of that, I'm sure."

"Perhaps it would." she chuckled and donned her sling ring to open a portal to Kamar Taj, "I believe it is time to go home."

"You think she is ever going to give it up?" I asked Kate who finished reabsorbing her clones.

"Maybe." she shrugged and we followed the Ancient One to Earth.

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"God damn, we have been looking for this place a while." I announced to the stunned faces of a pair of giant Dwarves, "Navigating Yggdrasil for the first time isn't easy."

The Dwarf guards reached for their weapons and I reached for my Fanny Pack. I opened it up and started flicking my hand over the top like I was making it rain, causing bars of Uru to fly out and land on the floor.

"Let me know when your curiosity has shifted to your attention." I told them as a huge Peter Dinklage approached.

After a silent minute Peter spoke, "I want to let you keep doing this forever, but at this point it'd be lying to keep my silence."

"Wonderful. What do you think of this?" I pulled out a piece of Vibranium.

"I think you are going to be the most popular man in Nidavellir." Eitri declared and the two guards nodded their agreement.

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With the help of the Dwarves and a handful of Infinity Stones, the secrets of Uru, Vibranium, and Wakandan tech all revealed themselves to me swiftly. We discovered that an alloy of three parts Vibranium to one part Uru maintains Vibranium's versatility while gaining Uru's enchantment quality, allowing us to get real jiggy with creating stuff.

An 'indestructible' super suit modeled after the Viltrum Emperor garb, some jewelry to protect from incoming magic, the most comfortable briefs ever, extra sexy lingerie, a sword with Carol Danvers' powers.

That last one started with me forging a sick claymore then sitting down to have a serious talk with the space stone about what an awful bitch MCU Carol Danvers is and how if it can give those powers to such a person, then it should give those powers to me and Kate to balance out the acidic Ph levels of cuntiness it unleashed on the Universe and that it should make my sword have her powers just for the laugh.

The stone agreed after I used the Mind Stone to show it my memories of Captain Marvel from the movies so now Kate and I have cosmic powers and so does my sword.

The Mind Stone also came in clutch as I learned craft from Dwarven tutors in return for Uru, the supply of which was formerly very finite, only coming from one single moon in the universe. Kate also received an education in Dwarven craft, and countered the Mind Stone's advantage by creating hundreds of telepathically linked clones each work day and putting them to use apprenticing under many masters at once.

Of course, everything changed the day Bast attacked.

Just kidding, nothing actually changed as Bast pulled me in my sleep into her sub dimension where she appeared as a giant white panther like her Earth 616 appearance.

"I have finally found you, thief." she growled, "You have stolen much from my chosen people, and you will pay for every ounce of their grief."

With a thought my super suit extended from my necklace, and I held my hand out as my sword cut through the border of reality to come to my hand. The blade glowed radiantly as I poured my cosmically enhanced Chi into it, and I grinned.

"Threaten me with a good time." I laughed and poured on my full speed to close distance with the great cat.

My sword tore open her chest, and her spurt of blood became an army of divine panthers and werepanthers flying at me with piercing teeth and shredding claws. From her eyes came beams of divine retribution, battering me as I engaged the horde of beasts.

I impaled one through the mouth and wretched my blade through it as I punched my cross guard into the eye of another. I caught a third by the throat as it tried to bite into my head, its claws desperately trying to rake through my suit as I empowered it as well with my many sources of mystical might.

"Thief, you call me!" I yelled as I unleashed a mean beam of sword light, "I must have missed your valiant defense of Wakanda when last I raided her treasures. Obviously you are a courageous warrior and not some scum sucking coward attacking in the night what you dare not approach in the light. But I think my memory of events is correct, and when I lifted a mountain of precious metal into the sky while my partner took all of Wakanda's greatest treasures, you were nowhere to be found. But don't worry, when next I return to take the very city they built out of wondrous Vibranium, you will be there. Cause I'll be wearing you."

With each strike of my sword, Bast bled legion of panthers and werepanthers, all as powerful as Thor himself here in her personal domain, and we fought for many hours stretching into days though no cycle of light and darkness occurred in this place. Finally I smote Bast upon the ground and she moved no more, eyes glazed and tongue lolling out of her mouth. Some might find that imagery sexual, but such is the state of their souls. I grabbed that great bitch by the scruff of her neck and opened a portal back to Nidavellir, dragging her through.

"Friends!" I called the wide eyed Dwarfs and a company of completely unsurprised Kates, "What do you know of working with fur and fang?"

Needless to say my sword earned itself a new ivory handle, and daddy was getting a new fur coat.

As I considered the raw square footage of the titanic creature barely a quarter out of my portal I grinned. Fur coats for everybody.