Before The Dawn [English Version]

20 April 2004

A loud noise from somewhere woke me up from a deep sleep. The clock on the wall only showed two in the morning. But, there was already a commotion in my house. Indeed, my parents are busy people. Sometimes, they come home when the others had been lulled into dreams.

Driven by curiosity, I slowly stepped in search of the source of the commotion. It's not usual for mom and dad to fight. As far as I know, the two of them have never fought at all.

Going down the stairs one by one, I heard the noise getting louder and clearer. I could hear a woman's cry dominate the noise. Spoke in words I could barely understand. I'm sure it's my mom's voice.

I became more and more curious about what had happened and also felt very worried about my mother's condition. The last time I heard her cry this loudly was when grandma died. And I'm sure something bad is happening right now.

Up to the last rung, I tried to pick up speed. Unfortunately, the sound of gunshots made my body limp, and I almost fell on the floor. Accidentally, mother's favorite flower vase knocked and fell. It breaks into sharp pieces of various shapes and sizes. I was silent for a few moments. Trying to digest what just happened.

The smell of blood carried by the cold wind, brought me back from my daydream. Mother's cries are no longer heard. Only silence remains.  Makes me nervous. Mom, what happened to you?

I made a slight turn and peered over the wall separating the living room. The smell of blood was getting clearer from here. Likewise with the scenery presented.  It was terrible, and suddenly I felt very sick to my stomach.

I saw my mother sitting on the floor, leaning on a chair. Her hands were seen hugging my sister's body tightly.  From the heads of the two, blood was pouring out profusely. Not far from their position, dad sat languidly. Staring blankly at the two. I don't want to believe this, but dad's holding a gun!

I inched backward when dad's gaze suddenly turned to me. My feelings are messed up. Fear, anger, sadness, and of course full of questions.

My tears have flowed. I no longer paid attention to the words of my mother who always asked me not to cry. Not to be a crybaby. What my eyes are witnessing right now, it's too sad to just contemplate without tears. It's so hard to accept.

"D-daddy, what are you doing?" My voice choked.

Not the answer I got, my father just looked at me with a look that was difficult to understand. He also pointed the deadly thing at me. Is he going to finish me too? No!

"Run if you want to live!" he said.  Sounds flat and horrible.

Not like the father I've known. Father is gentle. My father, who always kept his emotions in check when he was with us, seemed to just vanish out of nowhere. Replaced by a demon who just descended from hell.

I glanced at my mother. I really wanted to hug her one last time. Oh no, what's wrong with my mind? I'm sure she just passed out. After all, my mom is a strong person. One bullet couldn't possibly kill her. Yes. Very impossible.

Dorr!

One bullet shot beside me. Punch a hole in the back wall. It seems dad really wants to finish me off too.

Did we do something wrong? Even if my mom had something wrong with him, it wouldn't be right for dad to do something like this, right? Everything can be overcome without having to shed blood. It's a line I'm used to hearing from adults, but I don't think my dad ever heard of it.

"I said run!" Dad shouted.

The sound of gunshots pierced my ears again. Dad punched another hole in the wall with that bullet. He looks more and more angry.

Serious! This is not my dad! He's not the father I've known all along!

Paying no attention to anything else, I ran towards the door, opened it and ran towards the gate. I have to escape from here as soon as possible.

Before reaching the gate, I was startled by several gunshots from behind. Does dad regret his decision? Or is he doing this on purpose to torture me?

One bullet managed to penetrate my back. It hurts so bad. The pain started to feel all over my body too.

However, I tried to keep running and stay away from dad. Until my legs couldn't take it anymore, I collapsed somewhere. My vision is slowly becoming blurry.

Before everything turned dark, I could feel someone shaking my body. But I don't know who. Everything is too painful for me.

Between life and death, I don't care about that anymore. The reason why dad did this to us, is the only thing I want to know right now. Only that!