Chapter Four: I Want You

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As I was pulled back on set, I tried tugging my hand back, but Yuvin was not having it. As soon as we stopped, I was going to try and walk off to change, but Yuvin had to open his mouth instead.

"Director, where do you want us?" Yuvin asked with a smile, still firmly holding my hand.

"I think a piano would make a good setting for you two."

"Now, HOLD ON just a minute!" I exclaimed before I could be led anywhere else. "I want to change out of this skimpy lingerie! We're not shooting for the magazine anymore; this is a more personal level."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Yuvin turn his head toward me with a raised brow. I looked at him, slightly confused as to why he looked confused. When I caught him licking his lips, I knew I was in too deep. I started to feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment under his gaze. I could not believe how gutsy Yuvin was today, primarily when he gave my hand a sharp tug! I literally tripped over my own foot in the process of epically failing to save myself; Yuvin confidently threw his opposite arm around my waist, pulling me impossibly close. Out of all the places my hands could have landed, they just HAD to land on his upper chest. In my defense, I was only trying to stop myself from falling, but I still ended up falling into him anyways...

"Why," Yuvin asked, looking down at me with eyes of adoration and a gentle smile, "I think you look great in that outfit."

"What? I thought you guys didn't want me wearing this before?" I questioned him, feeling suspicious.

"That was before... Now, you," He started off in an almost-seductive voice before someone else from the peanut gallery finished his sentence.

"You look hot!" Jibben proudly grinned with his hands on his hips in a celebratory stance.

My jaw dropped as the others nodded in agreement.

You have GOT to be kidding me...

"I still want to change," I firmly stated. "I feel cold anyways being this exposed," I lied.

"You feel cold," Yuvin asked in concern before letting go of me. I thought he would go let me change until I watched him take his own shirt off. "Here. Wear this," he smiled like the happiest kid on Earth as he pulled his shirt down over my head.

Damnit all! I was really hoping that cold lie would work...

"O-Oh," I awkwardly started, putting my arms through the sides, "thank you."

"I think she looks twice as hot now, am I right?" Noam chirped in, looking at me as if I were a Five-Michelin-Star meal.

Uh oh... I have a bad feeling about this... Why do I feel that I won't get to talk to them about my secret today? With the way they are all looking at me, I am surprised that I am still a virgin.

"Shiro! Wear my shirt next!" Jibben shouted excitedly like a puppy with a new toy.

"Wait... NEXT!?" I stared at Jibben in shock.

Justin scratched the back of his head nervously, "Yeah... You see, Shiro... While watching you take photos with Gin, we kind of decided that we all wanted to take pictures with you. You just looked...breathtaking, even if we couldn't see your face. Maybe it was rude of us to assume you would be okay with it. So, would you mind if the rest of us took another one or two pictures with you?"

Well, when you put it like that...

"I," I began, not thinking too hard about it, "one or two with each of you would be okay, but JUST one or two more!"

"I have a question," Howard spoke up with a raised hand, "for both Shiro and the Director."

"Yes, Howard? Go on," the Director smiled. I just raised a brow in response.

"Would a nude picture be okay to do if the more explicit erogenous zones are covered?" Howard inquired with an almost straight face if it were not for the light tint of pink that covered his cheekbones.

...WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

At that point, I was positive that my face looked like a fucking tomato. My entire face was ablaze. Howard's gaze traveled from the Director over to mine. If it were not for the Director suddenly coughing, I think my mouth would have stayed open.

"Hmm...," the Director thought out loud. "In that instance, we could use a bedsheet if needed, or better yet - a bed."

Howard's eyes lit up as if there were sparkles everywhere. "Really?! Could I... Err... We... try one?"

"Only if the lady is comfortable with it," the Director commented as he looked over at me.

"I- I don't know... That-... That would mean they would see my body and I... I don't know if I can do that...," I stuttered, trying to find the right words. Visibly shaking from my nerves, I saw the lights in the building were fading in and out.

"Shiro...? What's wrong; why are you shaking?" Yuvin asked in a whisper, rubbing my back.

"I...," I tried to talk, but it was like I just froze. My brain felt like it stopped working just from the mentioning of the subject of nudity. I knew there was not much left to the imagination about my body due to the lingerie. However, because all the important places have been covered extremely well, I was comfortable enough to shoot in the outfits. Being nude meant I would have to walk past prying eyes before I could even cover myself again. Nobody had ever seen my body other than those who took care of me as a child. I especially did not want to appear nude in front of friends. A romantic partner might be a different situation, but that is not the point. What if they saw my body and thought it was hideous? There are so many what-ifs...

When I focused back on reality, I was sitting on the back of my legs, and Howard's hands were cupping my cheeks, and nothing but worry painted his face. I didn't know tears had fallen down my cheeks or even when the others had come over. Lost in my thoughts, I kept hearing someone call to me. Yuvin was not holding me anymore. Instead, Justin was holding me close, gently rocking me back and forth.

"Shiro? Shiro, please say something...," Howard begged as I focused on him.

"I... I'm sorry," I apologized, confusing myself over what I was sorry about.

"Sorry? For what? Shiro, you didn't do anything wrong... I-," Howard tried to comfort me before another sentence subconsciously left my lips.

"I can't do it...," I hiccuped. For some reason, I felt sad. Maybe I was disappointed in myself for letting the guys down because of one task that I could not handle? Either way, it went from just a few stray tears to full-on sobbing. I melted into Justin, who just silently cradled me, knowing that not saying anything while comforting me was more helpful. Justin was always the one to calm me down, even though it was usually over-stress-related matters.

I have always kept the depressing things bottled up in me. Before my best friend died a decade ago, he was the only person I ever wholly confided in. He was also the only person to ever see me cry, other than the people who saw me cry as a baby. I know I said that I would never let the guys see me cry, but for some reason, I feel overwhelmed with regret and sadness today.

Howard let go before kissing my forehead, "It's okay..." He sat down in front of me before taking my left hand in his, gently rubbing the back of it.

The others sat down beside us, too, for support. This was as new for them as it was for me. Justin just held me tightly, gently rocking me back and forth. At some point, I turned my face away from everyone else and into Justin's chest. I could feel a hand gently stroking the back of my head and his chin placed lightly on top of my head. Being in this position hit me with a memory that I had buried deep in my mind, and that is when it all came back to me. I then knew why I felt the way I do today...

My best friend used to hold me like this... Today is the tenth anniversary of my best friend's passing and the railroad tragedy... How could I forget something so important? Ten years ago, on this day, I witnessed my best friend murdered by some thug who had tried to rob us at the Shore Train Station. He shielded me, and as a result, he died because of me. My emotions skyrocketed at that moment. Many innocent people died that day between not having control over my powers and no one there to calm me down. I destroyed the entire train station and ten miles of railroad, five each way, without even lifting a finger. I remember hearing many cries for help and the many questions I received from first responders. The question that had stuck with me the most was how I was the only survivor. Why did I have to remember this now? It is too late to go back; I can't change the past.

The more I cried, the stronger I felt. I had already heard things fly against the walls, and I knew I had caused a power outage because now the only lights on were the ones powered by a generator. The situation was getting dangerous for those around me, but there was no way they would know that. I had to calm down somehow, so I focused on listening to Justin's heart. It was fluttering oddly. I could feel his emotions and the others around me; this was something I found only ever happened when I felt overcome with emotions. Justin felt scared more than anything, laced with sadness. The others were majorly worried, and the underlying feeling was guilt.

Why do they feel guilty? Is it because of the picture thing?

The pressure in the air dialed down very slowly, and things went back to normal, like the lights coming back on. I was only sniffling now, but I was too ashamed to look at any of them in the eye. I allowed them to see weakness, and that was not okay with me. I knew they would look at me differently, and I did not want to see pity in their eyes. The strength I had felt at the height of my emotions felt like it had been ripped from me. Now, my body felt like lead. I heard someone say something, but I could not answer them even if I tried.

"Shiro, how are you feeling?" Yuvin asked by my right side.

"Do you feel any better after letting it all out...?" Tayden joined in by my left side.

I could only weakly shake my head, my face still buried in Justin's chest. His chin was not on my head anymore, and both of his hands were on my back. One hand was gently rubbing up and down my back.

"Can you at least look at us...?" Gin asked me from behind Justin. I could hear how worried he was through his tone alone.

Again, all I could do was weakly shake my head. With all my strength, my right hand dug into Justin's shirt, desperately clinging to him as if for dear life. I heard Justin sigh before he addressed the others. Even if he was the youngest in our friend circle, he acted like the oldest sometimes.

"She needs time. I am going to take her home. I think she has been through enough today. First, though, I need to get her changed back into her own clothes. Someone find one of the female staff," Justin calmly spoke.

"I'll go find someone," Jibben and Noam said in unity. I heard them stand up and walk away.

"Why don't you guys finish up with whatever. I'm going to take Shiro to the dressing room while we wait for one of the female staff to come help," Justin stated as I felt him stand up, as he held me securely in his arms.

Sometimes, I forget how strong this guy is...

I could feel Justin carrying me away from everyone else and then heard someone open a door before gently closing it. I felt my lower half be lowered onto what felt like a lap. I could only assume that Justin had sat down in a chair with me on his lap. All that time and I still had not moved my face away from his chest. I felt his hand overlap my hand that was still clutching his shirt; he gave it an affectionate squeeze.

"I apologize on behalf of everyone else and myself for today. We took things too far without thinking about if you would consent to it all. I'm sorry for us all being jerks today. We shouldn't have put you on the spot like that, Shiro..." Justin gingerly told me in a hushed tone, even though I sensed we were the only people in the room.

I just slightly nuzzled his chest in response. I was still trying to regain enough energy to speak.

"Can you forgive us...?" he asked me as his voice cracked.

He sounds heartbroken...

With as much strength as I could muster, I slowly nodded my head. I felt his grip on me tighten as he inhaled a shaky breath. I heard him sniffle as his other hand returned to the back of my head.

"I'm so sorry, Shiro. I'm sorry we made you feel this way...," he choked back on tears.

I forgave him, but he still ended up crying...

Feeling one of his tears fall on top of my head made me shed a few new tears, too, soaking into his shirt. It made me sad to see any of them sorry. He did not cry hard, but I felt each tear that hit my hair. He did sniffle a lot, though. We stayed like that a long while until I detected one of his arms move, most likely to wipe his face. I was surprised a female staff member had not come into the dressing room yet, but at the same time, I was glad. I took in his scent, allowing the rest of me to come to a complete state of rest. I felt calm, content, and safe. I did not want him to let go yet so, I flinched when I finally heard the door open and heard a female speak.

"Hi, my name is Alice. I was sent here to help Miss Shiro change. I was told she needed help because she was mentally distraught?" She spoke in a tone that gave me shivers.

"Great. I'll leave Shiro in your care then, Miss Alice," Justin announced.

Something about the woman did not feel right, so I held onto his shirt tighter when Justin tried letting go of me. I think it confused him because he bent down to my ear and quietly whispered to me.

"Shiro, you have to let go now. The lady is here to help you change. I'll wait outside and take you home after."

Hearing him mention waiting outside made my body tense up. I shook my head against his chest over and over, hoping he would understand and get the message. I did not want him to leave, and I especially did not want to be left alone in a room with this woman. He tried to gently pull me off of him, but I refused to let go. I heard him sigh before he whispered to me again.

"Shiro, what's wrong?"

"Woman," I croaked, my voice muffled.

I felt his muscles briefly tighten before relaxing. Then, I felt him wrap one of his arms around me again.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but could you leave? You're making her feel uncomfortable."

"I beg your pardon. I was sent here to-"

"I know, and I appreciate that, but Shiro's needs come first," Justin interrupted her.

"Understood, Sir," she responded as if irritated.

I heard the door open and close with a bit of force. I relaxed again in Justin's hold, feeling him run a hand through my hair.

"She's gone, Shiro..." he told me as he slid the hand from my hair to the side of my face. This time, I let him gradually pull my face away from his chest. I knew it would be red and swollen, but I knew I would have to look him in the eyes eventually. His thumb caressed my cheek as he took in my appearance, "Hey, you're okay... You have me here."

My bottom lip trembled, looking at his tear-stricken eyes and tear-stained cheeks. I gave a slight nod before he pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. He waited a few moments until he pulled back and searched my eyes, speaking softly.

"What do you want to do? I know crying takes a lot out of people; believe me, I do. So, I know you aren't going to be able to get dressed by yourself without losing your balance and falling. Do you want me to call someone different to help? I know you are not comfortable showing your body, and that is okay. There is one thing I have to know, though... How did Gin help you get dressed without seeing your body?"

"The lights were out," I managed to say, "we couldn't see anything."

"Ah, that makes more sense. So, it's still up to you. What do you want to do?" He asked me as he dried my tears with his sleeve.

"I," I began slowly, "don't want another stranger in here," I took in a deep breath, "Can you help me instead...?"

He looked surprised, to say the least. "Are... Are you sure?" He asked me in disbelief.

"Mhm...," I nodded a bit, making up my mind. I knew Justin was right about me needing help, but I just could not trust someone I don't know to help, not today. Perhaps, it was time to let go of my pride and stubbornness for once.

"Should I turn the lights off," he asked as he glanced toward the light switches.

"Maybe. Unless you want to wear a blindfold?"

"Isn't that the same? I won't be able to see in either of those scenarios. I just want you to be comfortable."

"A blindfold might be better then. At least one of us has to see. Gin ended up touching areas he should not have with the lights out last time," I thought the last sentence out loud without realizing it at first until I saw Justin tighten his jaw.

"He did, what?"

Oh... I don't think I should have let that slip. Well, too late to take it back now.

"Justin, hey, calm down. It was just an accident. We couldn't see, so it is only natural that his hands might touch certain places he was not expecting to graze against," I tried to calm him down.

"That is still no excuse for touching a woman inappropriately, even if by accident, Shiro. What about that, don't you get? Did you even consider the possibility of what if it was deliberately and not an accident?" He asked me in earnest.

"No, I... I did not. I trust you guys, though. So, why would Gin-"

"Shiro...," he caressed my cheek with his thumb, "you need to understand that even if we all share a bond of trust, you are a woman, and we are men. We think differently. We work differently."

"I don't think I follow you...," I said, feeling puzzled.

He sighed, "Okay, maybe this might help... You know how I and the others always tell you how beautiful you are, and some days you completely disagree with us?"

I nodded.

"Well, we mean every word," he continued on. "You are an extremely bright and attractive woman. Maybe you have flaws of your own, but we all have flaws. No matter how many flaws you might have, such as the lack of confidence you have in yourself, you are still perfect in my and our eyes. There are days like today where showing restraint takes a lot of effort from us. It can be tough to hold ourselves back sometimes, and-..."

"Wait, what are you talking about, Justin? Restrain from what?"

Justin's neck and ears turned bright red. "Well, when a man is around a woman that he really enjoys being with, he can have urges..."

"Huh...?" I just looked at him blankly, blinking my eyes a couple of times.

"I was trying not to be blunt about this, but I guess I never realized how innocent your mind can be. You are still a virgin, right?"

I nodded, trying to figure out where he was going with this.

He brought a hand up to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay, so... It's like this... You unconsciously do things around us that you wouldn't think of as flirting, but to us, it can be. Some things you do, like the way you stretch, can be a turn-on... Is that making any sense to you?" He asked, sincerely looking at me.

"So, you're saying that I do things sometimes that make you guys horny...?" I asked, trying to see the bigger picture. As I did, though, I tried to turn a bit more in his lap. To add to my confusion, his eyes fluttered as he groaned, his hands quickly going to still my hips.

"Damnit, Shiro... Please, do not move around like that in a man's lap...," he breathed out, his eyes looking like he had an internal battle going on in his head.

What is wrong with adjusting myself in someone's lap?

"Uhm... Okay, sorry... Why though? What does it do?" I questioned him as the subject piqued my curiosity.

He looked at me in disbelief, "Please, tell me you are joking... Did you pay attention to nothing in Sex-Ed in school?"

"I paid close attention, but I do not remember anything about moving around in a lap." Without thinking, I barely moved an inch more, and his jaw just dropped, as did his head to my shoulder.

"Fuck...," he breathed out in a half-whine, "Shiro, I am begging you... Don't move anymore."

I was going to question him further when my soft seat suddenly had a hard lump in it.

What the hell is that?

"Justin?" I slowly pronounced.

"I'm sorry...," he mumbled, "This is embarrassing..."

Then, a thought occurred to me. "Is what I'm feeling, what the teachers called an erection, in class?" I asked excitedly, thinking maybe I knew one thing.

"Oh, dear goddess...," he whined, "Please, don't put it like that... Your voice sounding like that is making it worse..." He complained as I felt an odd pulse underneath my thigh from the hard lump.

"Well, what can I do to help make it go away?"

"Fuck what!?" His head shot up, hearing my question. He looked bewildered. "No. No, no, no. You cannot ask me that while you are sitting in my lap. Actually, the first thing you can do is to get off my lap, and you sit down in this chair instead. We literally just went through the whole fiasco of you not being comfortable being seen nude. So, there is no way on Earth you would be ready to physically help get rid of an erection."

"Why not?" I asked, frowning.

"Look, you said you trust us, right?"

I nodded, "Yes."

"Then, I need you to trust me when I tell you that you aren't ready for this, okay?" His eyes locked on mine, trying to confirm that I understood.

"Fine...," I pouted, "What do I do after I sit in the chair?"

He sighed in relief, smiling, "You just need to sit there and be patient while I sneak off to the bathroom to take care of it, okay?"

"Okay...," I mumbled, sliding off his lap before he could stop me.

I heard him gasp, followed by a moan that he failed to keep back. He sunk back into the chair, his head hanging back with his mouth open like a fish out of water. I thought it was strange that he was panting.

"Why...," he strained, "Why did you have to do that...?"

My eyes traveled over him but stopped in amazement when I saw the massive tent in his pants.

Fucking hell... That thing is a monster!

"Sorry, Justin," I apologized as I held on to the arm of the chair for support.

"I would typically say to take responsibility for your actions, but it doesn't feel right to in this situation. You made it so much worse, though... I have way too many thoughts going through my head," he sat up, doing his best to not look at me, "I need to go take care of this before I do something I might regret..."

"I feel bad about it, though... Are you sure I can't do something for you?"

"No, not today, Shiro. Maybe later down the road, but I can't ask that of you today," he replied, still avoiding looking at me. "Just think about it. What if you regret doing it too? I would feel like shit, thinking that you felt pressured into doing it. I don't want you to do something you could regret later."

"I know what I said, but I thought we were supposed to learn from our mistakes? What if this is a life lesson I'll miss out on?" I asked him sincerely, with one hand on his shoulder.

"So, you would admit that this would be a mistake then," he inquired, finally turning his head to look up at me.

"Maybe? Maybe not... I don't know, but I also know you were angry that Gin was my first kiss. Wouldn't you be even if you were my first for something else?"

"Something...else...?" Justin's jaw dropped. "Do you have any idea what you just asked me, Shiro? Besides that, you saying all these things are making me want you even more, and I-..." he stopped with a gasp before covering his mouth, his eyes bulging.

Did he just say that he wants me? In what way, exactly?

"You... What...?" I just stared at him, still registering what he just said.

"I-...," he tried as he put his hand down, "I didn't mean to say that out loud."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, gathering up the courage I needed. "Justin."

"Yes...?" He answered nervously.

"I admit that I did something wrong. I'm 26, Justin, and you're 24; we're adults. Therefore, it is only fair that I take responsibility for my mistakes. Shouldn't I at least be learning the basics by now?"

"Shiro...," he gulped. "Are you sure you want to travel down that road? There is no turning back if you do... I mean, are you really sure?"

"I meant what I said," I replied, holding eye contact. "Could you get up and lock the door, please...?"

"Holy fuck... You are actually serious," he stated, his eyes glossed over as he got up and rushed over to the door, locking it. He leaned against the door, taking in the sight of me. "Fuck me...," he whispered under his breath, running a hand through his hair.

"Are you coming over here, or are you just going to stare at me all day?" I cocked my head to the side, brave enough to produce a small smile.

"That outfit is making me feel a lot of things... If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up," he said with his eyes locked on mine as he sauntered over. His tall frame stood over me, but he kept his hands to himself. "I need you to be 1000% sure about this, Shiro. This is awkward to say, but I do not have any condoms on me, so I will not take your virginity today in any way, shape, or form. Not only do I not want to get you pregnant, but I also want your first time to be special... So, we will not go any further than foreplay. That said... Do I have your consent?"

I nodded my head.

"I need to hear you say it. I won't touch you without your verbal consent," Justin firmly stated.

"Yes, I give you my consent, Justin."

"I'm going to make you see stars," he smiled before wrapping an arm around my waist, "I hope you're ready to experience your first cloud-nine, but first, let's get you out of Yuvin's shirt. You have no idea how sexy you look in lingerie..."

He slid his hands down to the bottom hem of the shirt, slowly tracing his hands up over my curves, dragging the shirt up. Once it got high enough, I automatically raised my arms as he pulled it over my shoulders and off me entirely. He tossed the shirt aside, sliding his hands back down my curves. I could feel the cool air against my skin. Not knowing what to do with my hands, he took hold of them and slid them up around his shoulders. He bent down a bit, scooping his hands to the back of my thighs before effortlessly picking me up.

"Wrap your legs around my hips," he whispered into my ear.

Acknowledging that he knew what he was doing, I did my best to wrap my legs around his hips. It was challenging to do, though, with short legs. After I was secure, he pressed a light kiss against my lips before crossing the room with me. We came up to a conveniently located sofa on the opposite wall. He carefully leaned down, letting me lay down on the cushions. He was smiling at me with that warm glow that I had come to know so well as he hovered over me. He kissed my forehead before standing up. He took his shoes and belt off. Next came his shirt and then his pants as they dropped to his ankles. He stepped out of them, not bothering to take his socks off.

Someone, please, explain to me again how this man has such perfect muscles. Oh, and don't even get me started on those abs... Oh, sweet goddess, what have I gotten myself into? It's alright, Shiro. Just take a deep breath...

He climbed back over the top of me, one of his knees guiding itself up between my thighs. "You should know," he began in a seductive tone that I had never heard before, "you look absolutely ravishing."

He chuckled when I blushed deeply before leaning in closer to capture my lips with his. Kissing Justin felt utterly different than kissing Gin. I could feel a deep attachment of emotions with each movement of his lips. It felt mesmerizing, but it stopped just before it got too heated. He whispered to me again, something I definitely did not expect.

"I'm going to give you a choice for this. Do you want to go first, or shall I?"

"Go first for what...?" I asked back in a whisper, afraid to be too loud.

"My apologies," he chuckled, "I should have been more specific. You remember learning about oral sex, right?"

"I do."

"That's what I'm asking you then," he spoke as his nose brushed against mine, "Do you want to give or receive it first? I'll walk you through everything so that it is enjoyable for both of us. I won't make you do anything you're uncomfortable with, Shiro."

"Since I gave you an erection... I want to give it to you first."

"Alright," he said with a soft peck to my lips, "Sit up for me then," he concluded as he got off of me and stood right beside the couch, facing me. With a helping hand, I sat right up in front of him. His groin was directly at my eye level. He took his hands in mine. Then he led them over to his hips and down to the hem of his boxers. Looking down at me as I looked back up at him for instructions, he casually licked his bottom lip. "Now, the first thing you're going to do is pull this down and off..."

-End of Chapter Four-

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