Love's Dry Dock

"How the hell could you sleep with her!" Jack shrieked while I rubbed my sensitive eyes and tried not to grimace.

More alcohol will make things better.

And the bottle is flying away.

Fucking telekinetics.

"Where has the ryncol gone?" I grumbled in distress.

"Down the fucking drain alongside our relationship!" She answered in a rage.

"That's weird." I mused, "I am pretty sure we had built a beautiful ship, and then you fucking shot it with a rocket launcher!"

Standing up to yell at her was a bad idea, and it was a bitch and a half to stay upright let alone coherent.

"I ruined it?" She demanded like a demented retard.

"Yeah." I nodded, glad she was smart enough to realize that, or maybe I currently lacked the ability to understand inflection.

"You fucking slept with the enemy!" her continued shouting answered that quandary.

"And if I hit you as hard as you hit me, you'd be dead." I let her know and touched her nose without poking her in the eye, my surgical hand eye coordination proving itself even under impairment.

"You walked it off you big pussy!" still with the shouting.

"It's not about damage done." I shook my head, "It was you and me against everything else, then you fucked the equation up and didn't do anything to fix it. Fortunately for you," I moseyed over to a cabinet I installed in the port cargo area and grabbed a blue bottle of pills, "I pulled my mouth off the bottle long enough to see what you were up to and got you a rehab script."

"Why would I need that shit?" She got immediately defensive.

"Cause your life as lab rat outlaw grunge thing has not given you the best coping mechanisms, and I know what you've been shooting up, junkie." I put the bottle in her hand, "If you don't fuck up and OD the withdrawals might get you when you run out. Thank God we live in the 2180's and not the 1980's. You'll feel like shit for a week, but you aren't going to die and you aren't going to spend your whole life only one bad choice away from pissing everything away again."

"Why would you even care?" She growled at me, "You seemed perfectly happy balls deep in the Cerberus bitch."

"How the hell did you even find out about that?" I asked confused.

"She put the picks on the group chat!" Jack explosively explained.

"Huh," I grunted, "That's one way to let Cerberus know you are quitting the gang."

I pulled up the chat on my nearby pad and was blown away by the pictures she had taken. How the hell did she pull off some of these angles? Needless to say, I was impressed.

"It's like she sent the Illusive man a letter saying 'Dear Dickwad, I am leaving your human supremacist organization because I have found my true calling in working with smooth lizard dick. Regards, Miranda."

"You think this is a joke?" Jack snarled at me, clearly offended.

"I think this is a triumph of the krogan people. On the level with avenging Shiagur. A hundred years from now, the youth will ask their elders 'Where were you when the Great Chief conquered Miranda Lawson's ass?" and the elders will respond, 'I was not with the Great Chief that day, but I still carry in my heart the light that shined bright across the stars. The burning bright flames of his youth.'"

"Are you fucking with me right now? Cause that sounded metal as hell." Jack looked at me in a bit of shock.

"Let's not kid ourselves here." I stated, "You are the most beautiful female I know. You turn me on every time I see you, but Miranda's ass is sweeter than sugar, and planting my flagpole in those buns is a victory won over every guy who has seen those clappable cheeks yet will never clap them."

"I can't tell if I am suppose to be happy with that compliment, impressed with your cunning linguistics, or piss off that the only things that you ever wax poetically about are fighting, feeding, or fucking another woman's ass!" Jack shouted that last bit.

"Listen, Jack," I shifted her train of thought, "You need to quit the needle, take the meds, and really think about what you want. Cause you can't come fight me about shit like this unless you fix what you broke. The ship won't ever be the same, but that doesn't mean it can't ever be better than it was."

"And while I am on this great journey of self discovery, you'll just be hanging out with the Cerberus cheerleader teaching her how to stretch her O-ring." she accused with a lot less heat than before.

"Nah," I denied, "now that we've banged Miranda will probably fuck off to do other shit that won't pay off in any interesting way."

"Sounds like something she'd do." Jack nodded.

Did she get her hands on a copy of ME3 while I wasn't looking.

A bit later Mordin called me up to his lab and cracked out a big honking syringe full of a glowing orange liquid.

"Good you are here." Mordin smiled as he greeted me, "Combined retrovirus designed by Okeer with research found on Tuchanka. Created improved retrovirus resulting in fifty percent improvement to krogan vitality."

"Sign me the fuck up." I told him and was completely on board till he had me bend over.

"Isn't there somewhere better we can stick that needle? Like one of my hearts?" I pleaded with the doctor.

"Nonsense." He denied while ramming the hand length syringe into my ass cheek, "Miss Lawson proved that the posterior is the superior method of impalement."

At least the doc has jokes.

The laughter made me miss the initial build up of warmth in my ass that quickly spread throughout my body. In fifteen minutes it felt like I had lightning coursing through my veins.

"How long am I going to feel this amped up?" I asked the salarian as he monitored my vitals.

"Indefinitely." he answered off hand.

"Holy shit!" I barked out.

"Feeling effects of enhanced endurance." Mordin mused, "Downstream benefit of boosting baseline health alongside empowered healing factor. Should notice significant increases in energy levels, cognition, digestion, sperm count and motility, and ejaculate volume."

I looked at Mordin, and realized that he may now be a better friend than Draug and Zaeed could ever be.

"Mordin, did you maximize my loads?" I asked reverently.

"Indeed." He nodded his horned head.

I pulled a terrified scientist into a hug.

"This is the greatest day of my life."