68 Emperor

The next morning I went with Ivan and Ilya to Vienna. The city was large, rich, with a large population, and beautiful. Architecture, streets ... everything had its charm. It will be a shame to burn it all down and raze it to the ground, but it will be necessary in the future.

After a dozen or so minutes of travel, we got to the Hofburg Palace, which was the main residence of the Emperors, but it only slightly resembled the palace that I had seen in my previous life. I saw the Swiss Courtyard, Swiss Gate, Old Palace and Amelia's Palace ... but without the 18th reconstructions, Holfburg seemed incomplete to me... at least that won't be a pity for me to destroy.

Unfortunately, it was also one of the worst days in my life ... I often complained about the bureaucracy and court etiquette in the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, but compared to the imperial court it was nothing.

Moving from one room to another, I was taken into the care of another official and I had to repeat to each of them who I was and for what purpose I came. Sometimes they didn't ask me anymore, but they shared this information with each other... and each time I had to wait even longer ... I started to wonder if I had given them a sample of my urine and stool, everything would have been faster.

It turned out that the Emperor attended the mass and I had to wait ... and only now I remembered that I read that the Emperor attended two masses each day, and his court resembled a Jesuit order. If that's true, they probably have a lot of underage boys in the basement. Unfortunately, this meant I would have to wait even longer.

After three hours of waiting, there was finally an audience. I was led into a large hall where several men were waiting, the only one I recognized was the emperor. He was sitting at the desk and writing something down ... I don't know if that was the custom, but the other men were standing.

One of the men leaned over the Emperor and whispered something in his ear, Ferdinand II raised his head, looked at me.

"What an unexpected guest at my court." (Ferdinand II)

How the fuck unexpected? You knew from yesterday that I had audiences, and today I waited three fucking hours ... what a dick. I couldn't show irritation ... I bowed, not too low, it wasn't the Pope to fall to his knees before him.

"Greetings Your Imperial Majesty. I hope to find you in good health." (MC)

"Thank you, God is watching over me. Prince Jazłowiecki, why are you coming with the army to Vienna?" (Ferdinand II)

I can't... the tone of his voice, the way he talks, and he all just pissed me off... and then his stupid question. What are you doing here with the army?.. and what do you think? ... I'm fucking here to collect asparagus... what a moron.

"The empire is at war, Catholic France has allied with Protestants, the English are supporting the Kingdom of Denmark. I thought your Imperial Majesty might need help to deal with heretics." (MC)

"The Imperial Treasury is empty, I have no money for new soldiers." (Ferdinand II)

When were you circumcised? Your empire is falling apart and you say you have no money ... jewels, valuables, land. I kind of knew the origin of the Habsburgs, but maybe centuries ago they got mixed up with a bit of Scottish or Jewish blood.

"A few years ago, Lisowczycy, Polish light cavalry, fought on the side of the Empire in Bohemia. We can make a similar agreement, we do not take money, we live on what we gain from the enemy." (MC)

"Of course, but I also expect the Prince to want something in return?" (Ferdinand II)

It's natural that I'm not doing it out of the goodness of my heart, I'm not from the Red Cross or the Salvation Army.

"Of course, but we can talk about it when I achieve something on the battlefield. Actions are more important than words." (MC)

"The Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth does not currently show much support for the war with Protestants." (Ferdinand II)

"We defeated the Swedes and we captured Gustav Adolf." (MC)

"Yes, I heard about it. Apparently, Prince himself did it. Congratulations ... so young, and already famous." (Ferdinand II)

It's a pity you won't live in the 21st century, people gained fame overnight just because they snorted condoms or ate toilet blocks.

"God was on my side." (MC)

"In these difficult times, every helping hand will be needed. Thank you for the offer and I will gladly accept it. If the Prince serves the Church and the Empire well, I will reward you handsomely." (Ferdinand II)

You just said that the imperial treasury is empty ... politicians cannot be trusted, they always lie.

"I will not fail His Imperial Majesty. If I can, I would like to raise two more issues that may be of importance to the Empire." (MC)

Ferdinand II nodded for me to continue.

"I have friends in France who are not satisfied with the policies pursued by Louis XIII. Especially with the support of the Protestants. I was informed by them of the talks conducted by the Duke of Buckingham in Paris. He wants to help the French regain La Rochelle from the hands of the Huguenots, in return for this help, the French are to help him recapture the Palatinate of the Rhenish from the hands of the Catholics." (MC)

It was obvious that the emperor was touched by this information, he looked at one of the men, the other one lowered his head and said nothing. The Emperor looked at me again.

"Prince, how true is this information?" (Ferdinand II)

"I trust this man as much as my brother. He wouldn't lie to me." (MC)

"My ministers don't know anything about this. Though we have people around ... it doesn't matter." (Ferdinand II)

"Your Imperial Majesty, I am not surprised that your ministers do not know anything about this. Even if my friend is not satisfied with the king's policy, he is still French and hates the Empire. But I am Polish." (MC)

Of course it was nonsense, my knowledge came from books, the agreement between the English and the Francise was true, but an attempt to take the city from the hands of the Huguenots would fail, which the emperor does not have to know.

"I see ... and what's the second thing you wanted to talk about?" (Ferdinand II)

"The same friend informed me of a book describing Countess Bathory, the Habsburgs and some Jewish family ... I don't know the exact details. Someone named Voltaire is the author..." (MC)

The Emperor's face turned red as if he was about to have a stroke or a heart attack ... a lovely sight.

"While my friend is not entirely sure about it, there are rumors that Cardinal Richelieu commissioned the writing of this book." (MC)