The Messenger

A short pudgy man walked out of the woods. He was wearing green clothes and a green pointy hat, and his steps were shaky and uneven.

"Wait," I said. "Isn't that... Dingle?"

"What?!"

"Dingle, the Springle Elf!"

Briggo shook his head in disbelief. "I… I think you're right, Birito."

"Eww," Truck-chan said. "That creepy elf who smells like pee."

"Yes, his name is Dingle," Lubo said. "I met him back in Slavograd. But what is he doing here?"

"Impossible," Nuxanor proclaimed. "No one should be able to pass through the stealth magic spell, let alone some Springle Elf."

"Hyuk-Hyuk-Hyuk," Dingle said, his lips stretching into a morbid grin. "The Springle Elves have their ways. Isn't that right, Lubo?"

Lubo was confused. He didn't seem to know what Dingle was talking about.

"Wait a minute!" Animak exclaimed. "You, Springle Elf. You should be in my dungeon! How did you escape?"

"Aw, shinkledinks," Dingle replied. "An urgent message arrived from Tek right after you guys left, hyuk-hyuk. The Kingdom has fallen, and the Tek King has been captured by the Demon Lord."

"NO WAY!" Briggo shouted.

Nuxanor and Animak were also skeptical.

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger," Dingle continued. "The Springle Elf who brought the message to Slavograd was injured during his journey, hyuk-hyuk, so they sent me to find you all instead. And here I am! Looloo-kimpah!"

Nuxanor shook his head. "Sure, I can believe that a Springle Elf escaped from Animak's dungeon ─ most of the dungeon is probably being used for Animak's dommy-mommy fantasies, so it's hardly Alcatraz ─ but there is no way that you could have gotten through the stealth magic spell."

Dingle shrugged. "Told ya, didn't I? The Springle Elves have their ways. Our homeland is magical mystical forest of time-traveling wizards, don't ya know?"

"What?" I said, and everyone else seemed confused as well. We all looked to Lubo, but he was as baffled as the rest of us.

"Hyuk-hyuk-hyuk, we don't have time to diddle around. Before they took him, the King of Tek sent a final message through the Discord Delivery Service. There is only one thing that can bring down the Demon Lord. We must locate all of the chosen ones… all the men born with Big D. Energy."

"Wait… what did you just say?!" Briggo demanded.

Animak frowned. "How do you know about Big D. Energy?!"

"I told ya, didn't I? The King of Tek mentioned it in his final message. Do you know where to find them all? Do you know where they are?!"

Suddenly, the auras of Briggo, Animak, and Nuxanor began to surge. No one else seemed to know what exactly was going on, but all three of them had intense expressions on their faces. Something was wrong.

"Lubo," Briggo said. "You just came from Tek, didn't you? What was the situation on the ground?"

Lubo nodded. "I saw several enemy battleships in the rock belt around the island, but the invasion was only getting started. There's just… there's no way that the Demon Lord could have conquered the island so quickly."

"That's what I thought," Briggo said. "Dingle, you're not really a Springle Elf, are you?"

"Hyuk-hyuk-hyuk! Whatever do you mean, Briggo? I'm just a messenger, don't ya know?"

"CUT THE CRAP!" Animak barked. "The King of Tek would NEVER reveal the secret of Big D. Energy to a freaking Springle Elf. He would take that information to his grave."

Nuxanor nodded. "A Springle Elf could never break into this stealth magic space, and a Springle Elf certainly wouldn't know anything about Big D. Energy. So, who are you, really?"

"Hey, what's going on here?" Truck-chan asked, and she took the words right out of my mouth. We knew who Dingle was, didn't we? He was drunk and incompetent Springle Elf who bungled every job he got, so what was going on?

"Hyuk-hyuk-hyuk," Dingle laughed, but then his laugh began to change. "Hyuk-hyuk-hyuk-hya-hya-hya-hya-HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA!" As his laugh transformed, so did his voice. It became deeper and much more ominous. And the look on Dingle's face was changing too. His grin was becoming wider, his teeth were becoming sharper, and his eyes seemed to glow bright red.

"I guess you got me there," the new Dingle said. "But at least I have all three of you here in one place. Lor D. Briggo, William D. Nuxanor, and Animak D. Onis… I'm so happy to see you all again!"

"I think he serves the Demon Lord," Johnny whispered in my ear. "Be prepared to run when I tell you, all right?"

"Oh no…." Truck-chan squeaked. "He's so creepy! I'm scared…."

"I don't get it," I said, and I was also scared at this point. "Dingle is some sort of monster?"

"I don't think there was ever a Dingle at all," Lubo muttered, his voice shaky. "He acted like he knew me, but come to think of it, I never met him before. And I never even heard of him in all the years that I've worked for the Discord Delivery Service."

I couldn't believe my eyes. This made no sense. Dingle was easily the goofiest, most clueless creature that we had met in this entire Isekai world.

Suddenly, Dingle unleashed a blood-curdling scream. A dark purple aura engulfed him, his flesh began to expand in abnormal ways, and before we knew it, a completely different creature was standing before us.

"No way," Briggo said. "It can't be!"

"HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA!" the transformed creature laughed. He no longer looked like a Springle Elf at all. Instead, he looked like a human, except for a few key differences. His teeth were unnaturally pointy and sharp, he had two black horns growing out of his head, and his pupils were elongated, like the eyes of a beast.

"That transformation… it must be ANCIENT MAGIC!" Nuxanor shouted.

"Eww, what is he wearing?!" Truck-chan asked.

The man we knew as Dingle was dressed in a purple skin-tight latex onesie, and he seemed to be wearing a spiked dog collar around his neck. A long dog leash had been attached to the collar, and it dragged on the ground behind him.

Nuxanor shook his head. "Wait, Is that…."

"Recon?!" Animak interjected. "JOHN RECON?!"

"HUA-HUA-HUA! That's right, boys! It's me, your 'Dear' John Recon. Are you happy to see me again?! HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA!"

"But you're dead.…" Briggo said, his face stiff.

"It's a trick," Animak proclaimed. "He must be a servant of the Demon Lord. This whole thing, it's some sort of ruse."

"Is it?" the strange man asked. "Or was my 'death' the trick all along?"

"Chronexia saw you die!" Nuxanor exclaimed. "You're not Recon. You can't be! I'll KILL you and this Demon Lord bastard for desecrating the memory of our friend!"

The man shook his head. "You idiots… Have you really forgotten how you used to treat me before I 'died'? Has the myth of 'Dear John Recon' scrambled your tiny brains?"

"Enough of this!" Briggo roared. "I'll make you pay for besmirching Recon's name!" Chad Lass appeared next to Briggo and assumed a fighting stance. Slavic Queen and Lelle Flexine did the same.

But the strange man in the latex onesie just laughed. His dark purple aura began to pulse outward like some grotesque curse, and the sheer power of his aura forced everyone to take a step back. Everyone except for Briggo, Animak, and Nuxanor.

"Stay behind me," Sir Johnny told us. "This will get ugly."

"We have to get out of here, man!" Lubo screeched. "That guy is bad news. I can feel it! Let's go! LET'S RUN!"

"Quiet!" Sir Hyde shouted. "We're not going anywhere until we know that Emperor Animak is safe. Protecting him is our top priority."

Johnny nodded. "We'll protect him, and everyone else too. Don't worry, my friends." But it was clear from Johnny's face that even he was worried.

The strange man grinned. "I know all about 'Dear John Recon', this myth you came up with after you thought I died. But how did you treat me BEFORE my so-called death? You mocked me because I was a late bloomer and couldn't unlock my Kink, you laughed at my tastes and my opinions, and you ignored all of my brilliant ideas!"

"Is this really him?" Nuxanor asked Briggo. "Is it possible?"

Briggo shook his head. "Chronexia saw him die."

"Chronexia saw what I WANTED him to see! You are all gullible fools, and it was so easy to fake my death and blame it on the Royal Guards."

"Well, he's right, you know," Animak said to Briggo and Nuxanor. "Recon really was the only one of us who was Isekai'd into this world but couldn't seem to unlock his Kink. And we did tease him for it, though it was all in good fun."

"GOOD FUN?!" the strange man snarled. "Do you have any idea what it felt like to be the only one of you without a Kink? Do you know what it feels like to be belittled, mocked, and ignored at every turn by lesser, uncultured minds?"

"Listen, Recon," Animak said. "I'm sure that being a Kink virgin was hard for you, but now that I think about it, you did have some terrible opinions."

Briggo turned to Animak. "You don't really think it's him, do you?!"

Animak shrugged. "Whatever, let's just go with it for now. He seems pretty invested in the idea."

"TERRIBLE OPINONS?! How dare you, you smooth-brained simpletons!"

"Oh, that's right," Nuxanor said. "Didn't Recon try to convince us all to call him 'The Black Swordsman' even though he couldn't even use a sword?"

"Yes," Animak replied, "and he wanted us to pass a decree that would compel every woman he finds attractive to marry him."

The strange man slapped the palm of his hand to his forehead. "Why do I even bother with you plebians? This is exactly why I plotted my revenge for so long! When I finally unlocked my Kink, I didn't tell anyone. I waited, biding my time, and I concocted a master plan. I faked my own death, assumed a new identity, and I set out on the path to becoming the Demon Lord!"

"Wait," I said. "That guy is the Demon Lord?!"

"Quiet, Birito," Hyde replied. "Don't draw his attention here."

"THAT'S RIGHT!" the strange man proclaimed. "Your precious fallen comrade… your Martyr of Twigoslavia… your Dear John Recon… He is none other than DEMON LORD HAVOC!"

"It…can't… be…" Briggo muttered as the man ─ Recon ─ began to laugh again.

"HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA!"

"All right, fam," Nuxanor said. "I don't care who you are or how you got in here, but you just interrupted my reunion with an old and treasured friend… and Animak. I won't tolerate such an insult here in my own kingdom."

"OH?! So what are you going to do, Sucksanor?! You gonna FLEX on me, huh?!"

"I'M GOING TO FLEX ON…" Nuxanor began, then stopped. "Oh, you already said it. Yeah, I'm going to FLEX ON YOU!"

"HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA," Recon laughed. "My Kink is far superior to all of yours, but I am no fool. I wouldn't try to fight multiple Tier 3 Kink users with Big D. Energy on my own. And so, I brought some friends."

Suddenly, a small dark circle floated out from behind Recon. The circle seemed to be spinning and expanding rapidly, like a miniature black hole.

I started backing up and pulling Truck-chan along with me. For all I knew, this black hole thing was about to start sucking all of us in. But that's not what happened.

Instead, the hole turned out to be some sort of magic portal, and multiple people stepped out of it and into the clearing where all of us were standing. There were at least eight of them, and they were all dressed in different types of BDSM-inspired clothing.

"Eww, what's inside that man's mouth?!" Truck-chan asked, but there was no time to answer.

In the very next moment, yet another person emerged from the magic portal. And I recognized him right away. It was the wizard I saw in the toilet of Animak's palace. He was wearing the same pointy hat and robes, and he was waving his wooden wand around, just like before. Except this time he wasn't chanting "Poopity-Peepity."

He was chanting: "Portal-Shmortal, Portal-Shmortal, Portal-Shmortal!"

"JORDANIO!" Animak cried. "What is the meaning of this?!"

"Yeah, what the hell, Jordanio," Nuxanor said. "You were supposed to be spying on Animak."

Recon smiled. "Oh, are you surprised? Your wizard friend has been working for me all along! His portal magic is remarkable ─ it can break through stealth magic with ease ─ and yet you had him cleaning your toilets."

"That's right, ya hear!" Jordanio said as the portal behind him slowly evaporated. "You treated me like crap, Animak, and so did Nuxanor. I risked my life spyin' for him, and he didn't even pay me enough to support my brothel addiction. But His Infernal Majesty, the Demon Lord Havoc, recognizes my true potential!"

Animak shrugged. "Well, in my defence, I knew all along that you were Nuxanor's spy, so I kept you on toilet duty to teach you a lesson. That way the only intel you could gather was about the size of my snake."

"Congratulations, by the way," Nuxanor said casually as Animak nodded. "But Jordanio was just a decoy. The real spy was always Sir Hyde."

"WHAT?!" Animak snapped. He turned to look at Hyde.

Hyde raised his hands in the sign of surrender. "Your Highness! I did it all for you!"

"What do you mean? You SPIED on me?!"

"Yes, but I did it to help you. Now that you know, you're probably extremely angry, and that will make you so much stronger in this important battle!"

Animak paused, his teeth clenched. His raging aura seemed stronger than ever. "Damn it, Sir Hyde. You've done it again. Thank you, my friend!"

Hyde smiled and bowed deeply.

"All right, enough of this nonsense," Recon said. "It's time for all of you to perish at the hands of my Darchangels!" As Recon spoke those words, the oddly dressed men and women around him assumed fighting stances.

"Dark Angels?" Briggo asked. "Is that what you said?"

Recon sighed. "No, I said Darchangels. Like Archangels, but Dark. Get it? Darchangels."

"Well, that's a stupid name," Animak blurted out.

"WHAT?! How is it stupid?! It's a clever play on words."

"I mean, it's hardly clever," Nuxanor muttered. "It's pretty cringy, to be honest."

Recon was furious. "YOU SEE?! This is exactly how they used to treat me! They mocked and belittled my brilliance, and they never appreciated my excellent and highly cultured ideas."

The Darchangels nodded along to Recon's words, and so did Jordanio.

Nuxanor smiled. "All right, Recon. Let's get this show on the road. We don't have all night."

"MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!" Recon exclaimed. "The time for talking is over! I will annihilate everyone who was born into this world with Big D. Energy, starting with the three of you!"

"How do you know about this?" Briggo asked. "Most men who were born with Big D. Energy don't even know what that really means."

Recon grinned again. "Oh, you learn a lot of things when you're disguised as a harmless Springle Elf. You can go anywhere and spy on anyone, and no one gives you a second look when you're just the drunken messenger. I mean, who could possibly suspect that a drunk and vulgar elf was actually the Demon Lord?! HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA-HUA!"

Nuxanor winced. "That laugh… not gonna lie, Recon. It's pretty cringe."

"Go on, keep mocking me! It will be the last thing you ever do! Once I kill the three of you, I will track down all the rest. Lu D. Crisfunds, Mathieu D. Chronexia, Conner D. Awg, Sam D. Gumman… all of you will DIE!"

As Recon and his henchmen prepared for battle, Briggo, Animak, and Nuxanor looked at each other. Then they nodded in unison and turned to face the Demon Lord.

Standing side by side, their three majestic auras blazing like star fire, they stepped towards the enemy.