Chapter 6: 0-6: Party Time
Disclaimer: Being neither British nor Japanese, it should therefore come as no surprise that I own neither Harry Potter nor Naruto, nor anything from their respective franchises.
Iruka's lessons in the days leading up to the party focused heavily on conversational English and on topics of British magical culture that were likely to be referenced. The use of broomsticks for flight answered certain questions while generating others (mostly variations on "why brooms?"). For such a relatively peaceful society (at least compared to the Elemental Nations prior to Naruto's Peace), the game of Quidditch sounded strangely violent, and he couldn't help but wonder about the scoring system, though he resolved to withhold judgement until such time as he could actually watch a game. Regardless, flying was added relatively high on the chuunin's list of things to learn; unfortunately, neither Xeno nor Pandora were big flyers, and didn't feel competent to teach him properly, so he'd need to find an instructor once his English was up to the task.
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By the day of the party, Iruka could converse passably in English, though his accent was still quite thick and he tended to botch the syntax fairly frequently. It was very much a work in progress, but it was at least enough to get through the party without relying on Xeno for everything, especially since he could usually work out the meaning of what he heard, even if his ability to respond was limited. Pandora's understanding of Japanese was advancing as well, particularly now that she could also make use of the Libation, and Luna was learning quickly as well. While the mother would likely reach fluency first, her daughter was still setting an impressive pace, helped partly by a clear drive to pick up the language.
Pandora's strength had entirely returned at this point, and she happily took advantage of this fact, along with the beautiful weather that day, to request that they walk to the Burrow rather than Floo or Apparate. It was quite clear that Luna had learned her 'Puppy Eyes no Jutsu' from her mother, and soon the four were strolling through the Devon countryside. A couple of kilometers later, with Xeno looking somewhat worn and the other three completely fine, Iruka got his first up-close look at the Burrow.
As with every other magical structure he had seen so far, it looked as if it had been constructed while under some sort of perception-warping genjutsu (or strong psychedelic drugs). A small, squat stone building had obviously been expanded on at least four or five separate occasions, often vertically. The result was a tall, teetering dwelling that by all rights should probably be a pile of debris if gravity was functioning properly, and he desperately hoped that there was some form of magical reinforcement holding the whole structure together. A large shed sat out front and to the side, with a chicken coop somewhat nearer the front door, and there was a small orchard visible a ways behind the house. Also behind the house Iruka could hear a low hum of conversation, suggesting that the gathering was taking place in the back yard.
The quartet rounded the house to find a bustling group of adults and children, with most of the latter having flaming red hair. Several long tables had been set up in the back yard and seemed to be straining under the weight of the food laid out on them. Next to the back door of the house lay a large, somewhat overgrown kitchen garden, and further out was a small pond. Rusted cauldrons and bedraggled boots were piled to one side of the door, and Iruka could see most of the children sneaking repeated eager glances at what appeared to be a small stone outhouse.
"Xeno!" The shout came from a smiling man of around Iruka's age, slightly overweight, with thinning red hair and a friendly-looking face. From descriptions of the Lovegoods' neighbors, this approaching figure must be Arthur Weasley, their host for the day. "Wonderful to have you over. And Pandora, I can't tell you how glad we are to see you back to full health." He shook both of their hands while speaking to them. "Luna, nice to see you again. Ginny's around here somewhere, probably chasing after the twins for whatever they've done this time, and we've Cedric and Shirley over as well. I think I heard somebody playing Exploding Snap earlier as well..." Now he turned to Iruka, extending a hand. "And our visiting hero! Welcome to the Burrow, Mr. Umino, and let me add my thanks to those you've doubtless already received for helping Pandora." Arthur's handshake was firm and enthusiastic, everything about the man radiating warmth and congeniality.
"Thank you, Mr. Weasley. It is pleasure to be here. Your garden is quite lovely." Iruka smiled as he returned the greeting.
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Over the course of the party, Iruka found himself introduced to and conversing at least briefly with Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, Ronald, and Ginny Weasley, Amos, Tabitha, and Cedric Diggory, and Lawrence, Cordelia, and Shirley Fawcett.
The twins had the confusing habit of repeatedly switching speakers mid-sentence, and made several (failed) attempts to trick Iruka into drinking or eating things that they had dosed with potions. Most of these he simply faked consuming the tainted substance, but on one occasion he used a quick bit of misdirection and sleight-of-hand to leave the twins caught in their own prank, hamming it up as their siblings and several others laughed. After their heads returned to their normal shape, the two laughingly came up and congratulated him on turning the prank around on them. "That" "was brilliant!" "Dunno how you did it" "but we acknowledge your superior pranking skills!" This was capped off by a pair of comically exaggerated bows.
"Honestly! You two!" Mrs. Weasley bustled over, clearly less than pleased. "It's bad enough you get up to that nonsense at Hogwarts, but must you bother our guests as well?"
"It is no problem, Mrs. Weasley. I teach pranksters before, know how to deal with them. No one hurt, all in fun, yes?"
"Very well," Mrs. Weasley huffed, "but no more of this today or you'll both be de-gnoming the garden till you've children of your own!"
"Yes, mum," the twins chorused in perfect synch.
With a still-suspicious nod at the two, the woman moved off, likely to make sure that everyone was being amply fed. Iruka took the opportunity to lean down between the two and whisper in their ears. "Your mistake, too obvious. Need to be more subtle, more sneaky. Distraction work very well for this. You are two, yes? One distract, other play prank, much harder to spot that way." Straightening up, he smiled and winked at their dumbstruck-yet-worshipful expressions.
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It was during a conversation with several of the adults and children that it came out that Iruka had yet to learn to fly a broom.
"Well that can't stand!" Charlie exclaimed, getting solemn nods from the twins, Ronald, Ginny, and Cedric. "Come around this summer, we'll have our brooms home then, so we can teach you!"
Glancing at the Weasley parents, the chuunin noted that Arthur looked amused while Molly leaned more towards exasperation. "Thank you," he demurred, "but I will have to see if I have time when you are free. Also, still learning English, easier to teach when student can ask question and understand answer, yes?" The children nodded, satisfied. He'd contact the Weasley parents at a later point, to make sure they approved of this invitation before deciding whether to accept. Still, he hoped that it would work out; flight had all sorts of uses, and besides, it sounded like a lot of fun.
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By the end of the party, Iruka had resolved to put in extra training hours for the next week to burn off all the calories he'd eaten. The party had been enjoyable, however, and the food delicious. He even asked Mrs. Weasley at one point whether she had ever considered running a restaurant. At her awkward response, he suggested that she might also look at possibly writing a cookbook, to share her lovely recipes, which brightened her mood immediately.
Percival Weasley, or "Percy" as most called him, reminded Iruka uncomfortably of Ebisu, highly intelligent but stern and uptight, with an unhidden disdain for his twin brothers' antics. He hoped the boy would turn out to share Ebisu's more positive character traits if pressed, but for now simply remained polite.
When Arthur found out about Iruka's desire for information on the non-magical world, he soon almost dragged the chuunin around to the shed in front of his house. Inside, the most dominant feature was a vehicle of some kind, judging by the wheels, though of an unfamiliar design. Along the walls were workbenches, sets of shelving, and pegboards, all of which were strewn with a seemingly random assortment of objects, some more recognizable than others. The party's host took great pride in displaying his collection of plugs and batteries, but expressed his frustration at being unable to determine the function of a rubber duck. His expression turned to one of almost childish joy when Iruka explained that it was a child's bath toy. Many further descriptions and explanations (or at least attempts thereat) followed, but in the end, Iruka left with little new information. Many of the electrical items were little different from what he'd find back home, but even for those Arthur's information was often badly flawed. Given that this was supposed to be their government's top expert on all things non-magical, it was abundantly clear that he would have to look to unofficial sources if he wanted to learn about that side of this world. The overall impression of Arthur that he was left with was of an exceptionally friendly and likeable man, a good and loving father, but not extraordinarily bright.
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The party past, lessons became more relaxed and freeform once more. Now that Iruka was beyond basic vocabulary and focusing on refining his speech, topics of conversation ranged significantly farther than language and common subjects. This, in turn, allowed Xeno and Pandora to roll in lessons on Wizarding Britain, from ancient history to law and civics and from education to wildlife, though magic itself was still only lightly touched upon outside of general theory and a bit of basic potion-making. Discussion of Pandora's research was likewise mostly shelved until the two were finished with their Libation regime.
Some of the more recent history, along with more detailed political discussion, was saved for times when Luna was elsewhere. It was now that Iruka learned in greater depth about the Blood War and Lord Voldemort. Being a shinobi, he couldn't help but examine the tactics used by both sides, and it was clear why things had progressed as they had: One side held the clear moral high ground, and defended that position as staunchly as they defended their nation, attempting to fight a predominantly law-enforcement action against their enemies while still remaining a civilized society. The other side, meanwhile, went beyond ruthlessness to active cruelty and sadism, deliberately exploiting the rules their enemies followed in order to shield themselves from retribution. This difference alone would hardly have been insurmountable, but other problems make the outcome almost certain: There was a mind-controlling magic that was apparently nearly impossible to resist, allowing even the most loyal defenders to be suborned. That neither this curse nor magical disguises could be reliably tested for under most circumstances meant that nobody could be truly trusted, making any attempt to organize a successful large-scale response virtually impossible. On top of all that, given that the Death Eaters tended to target the families of those who even so much as spoke against their master, it was hardly surprising that only a devoted few were willing to stand and fight.
Of course, even if there had not been such disparities between the two sides' methods, there would still have to be enough popular will to fight against Voldemort. Troublingly, it seemed that many British witches and wizards, at least among the so-called "purebloods", were at best apathetic when it came to the Dark Lord's dogma of bigotry towards those whose ancestry was insufficiently "pure", and many actively agreed with such beliefs, even if not all approved of his methods and his grab for power. Nothing made this clearer than the fact that several of his followers were not only free nowadays, but considered pillars of the community. True, they had pled that their actions were coerced through mind control, but their and their families' political stances both before and after the war suggested otherwise. They were from "good, respectable families" and they gave some money to "worthy causes" (some of which were actually worthy, like the hospital), so in the end only those who couldn't or wouldn't make excuses for their actions were imprisoned, while the rest were welcomed back into society with open arms. Many now held positions of considerable influence and importance, ironically making them closer to taking over the country now than at any time during the war. It seemed that, at least among the ruling aristocracy, their toxic ideology was generally at least tolerated and often supported. Even if the dividing lines were drawn differently, it was still chillingly reminiscent of accounts he had read from Mizu no Kuni before and during the Bloodline Purges.
A/N: Before you transfigure some torches and pitchforks, I am not trying to bash Arthur. He's a great guy in most ways, but he does unfortunately seem to treat muggles like a clever tribe of quaint primitives. While he might like them and care about their wellbeing, his attitude towards them is not really one of respect.
Anyway, as I said last chapter, this party was no part of my plans - sometimes the characters just decide to do something and I go along with it. Next chapter, Iruka finally gets his wand!
Fic recommendation: "The Man With No Name" by Frostfyre7 - a Doctor Who / Serenity crossover that somehow manages to capture the characters from both well, while adeptly merging the feel of both settings.
Posted 02 July 2017
Updated (A/N only) 30 July 2017: Added fic recommendation