HOME

I lay in my bed, unable to sleep. It was another one of those nights. I wasn't sure what brought it on, but sometimes I could lie there awake for hours without drifting off. It sucked.

I sighed and rolled over, readjusting my blanket as I moved. My bed felt depressingly empty with just me in it. The sleepless nights were the times I felt most alone. I desperately could have used someone to cuddle with, or just to feel lying next to me. Once again I idly contemplated the merits of hiring a prostitute solely for the illusion of having a girl who cared about me in my bed. I wasn't sure if that was more or less pathetic than hiring one for sex. It probably didn't matter.

My thoughts drifted to home; to my mom and sister. I'd moved out on my own a couple years ago, but I still missed living with them. Of course, back then the problem always seemed to be trying to get some privacy, rather than having too much of it.

My idle musings made me reach for my phone. I scrolled through my contacts until I reached 'Steph,' my twenty year old little sister. I stared vacantly at her number for a moment, unsure whether I should actually text her or not. We'd gone through alternating phases of being able to share things, or doing our best to piss each other off. Since I'd moved out it had been far more of the former. Lack of proximity seemed to make our petty disagreements far less important.

After a brief hesitation, I wrote out a short text and sent it off to my sister.

"Hey, you still up?"

I second-guessed myself as soon as I sent it off. If she was asleep already, she'd only see it in the morning. It wouldn't do much good at that point. However, there wasn't much I could do about it. Sending another text to say "whoops, disregard that last one," was a silly idea, and I couldn't exactly turn back time.

I set my phone down and waited. Either Steph would text me back, or she wouldn't. There was nothing more I could do. I closed my eyes and tried once more to fall asleep. I didn't think I'd get anywhere, but made the attempt anyway

The buzz of my phone receiving a text jolted me back to semi-alertness. I blinked a couple times, then read what Steph had written to me.

"I'm awake, but it's late. You need something?"

I paused for a moment, then shrugged and wrote back.

"I'm not sure. Do you think it would be okay if I came by to visit for a few days?"

Steph's next response was quicker.

"Of course. Mom's always happy to see you. And I wouldn't mind seeing you either."

"Okay. I'll probably come up Friday evening. I'll let you or Mom know for sure."

"Sounds good. Night, Aaron."

"Night, Steph."

****

I left right after work on Friday. It was about a four hour drive and I wanted to get it over and done with as soon as possible. By the time I reached my destination, I was tired, hungry, cranky, and convinced every other driver in the world was either an idiot or an asshole.

The house I'd grown up in looked just the same as I remembered it. I grabbed my bag out of the trunk of my car and trudged my way to the front door. I opened it without stopping to knock or call out. It still felt like my house, even though I hadn't really lived there in years.

"Hello?" I called as I entered.

No one responded immediately, but there were lights on so someone must have been home. I shrugged and kicked off my shoes. I could find my old room on my own even if nobody was around to greet me.

"Aaron? Is that you sweetie?"

I grinned despite myself at the sound of Mom's voice. She came around the corner a moment later and threw her arms up for a hug. I allowed myself to be pulled into her embrace. It was warm, and familiar, and comforting. For a moment I was a kid again, free from all my adult problems.

"Hey Mom."

"It's been so long since I've seen you." She held me out at arm's length, looking me up and down. "You look hungry. Have you been eating okay?"

"I am hungry, but that's only because it's been a long day. I'm not secretly broke and homeless."

"I never suggested you were. But a mother's allowed to worry." Mom turned abruptly toward the kitchen. "There's plenty of food. I made sure to have something ready when your sister told me you were coming. I'll heat up a plate for you."

"Thanks Mom. I'll go drop my stuff in my room."

"Of course. I made the bed up for you and everything, no need to worry about any of that."

It wouldn't have even occurred to me that my bed wouldn't have freshly washed sheets, or that I might have had to make it myself. Some things were ingrained in my mind as being taken care of for me while I was home.

My room appeared practically untouched since my last visit. There really was no reason for either Mom or Steph to be in it when I wasn't around. I set my bag down beside my old bed as I took a cursory look around the room. Somehow... somehow the sheer familiarity and nostalgia of being home seemed to help. It was like I'd been homesick and hadn't realized quite how badly.

Mom was just taking a plate out of the microwave when I got to the kitchen. The food would probably be too hot to eat for a few minutes. She had a thing about making sure leftovers were well heated.

"Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, sweetie. You can go ahead and watch tv while you eat if you want. I have a few things I need to take care of. I meant to be free to spend time with you when you got here, but..."

"That's fine. I'm sure I can manage on my own."

I kissed the side of Mom's head the way she'd always done to me as I took the plate of food. It used to amuse me to do that when I'd grown taller than her in my teenage years. These days, it was simply a minor display of affection. Mom just smiled.

"Oh, hey," I said as an afterthought. "Is Steph around? It looked like her room was empty when I went by."

"She's out with friends, I think. She should be back any time. She knew you were coming."

I nodded and turned toward the living room. It might have felt a little silly to have spent four hours driving just so I could eat supper alone in front of a tv, a rather small change from eating in front of my computer as I usually did. It didn't, though. It felt like being home. Even if I did nothing all weekend but lay around on the couch, it was helping. That was all I cared about.

****

I was woken up by someone shaking my shoulder. I blinked stupidly, then yawned. I tried to process where I was and what was going on. Mom was standing beside me in her robe, a small smile on her lips.

"I'm going to bed now," she said. "I thought... maybe you'd prefer to sleep in your bed than on the couch. Your body would probably prefer it."

"Oh, yeah. Thanks."

I stretched and pushed myself to my feet. I couldn't believe I'd fallen asleep in front of the tv. All the trouble I'd had recently with sleeping, and suddenly it just happened without me even trying. Not that I was complaining.

"Good night, sweetie."

"Night, Mom."

Mom padded off to her room. I grabbed my dishes from earlier and took them to the kitchen before heading to my room. I was hopeful that I could fall right back to sleep if I went straight to bed.

I closed the door behind me when I got to my room. I started stripping down, almost losing my balance as I pulled off my socks. I was down to my boxers and just moving toward my bed when there was a soft tap at the door. Before I could answer, it swung partway open. It was Steph.

"Hey there," she said. She paused and examined my state of undress. "Oh, sorry, were you changing?"

I shrugged. "Just going to bed. I thought you weren't home or I would have come to see you first."

"Mmhm. Well, someone must have had a long day 'cause they were all passed out on the couch when I got back. Hard to announce my arrival when you're sleeping like a baby."

I arched an eyebrow at my sister's teasing smile. "Are you gonna pick on me just 'cause I fell asleep?"

"Maybe." She walked over to me, then slipped past and plopped herself down on my bed. "Or you can change the subject if you're feeling touchy."

I shook my head in mock exasperation. "Jeez, come home for a visit and this is the reception I get. I'm starting to wonder what I was thinking."

"You always were a slow learner."

I sat down next to Steph and jabbed her in the side. She squealed, then giggled as she blocked her vulnerable soft spots with her arm.

"Hey now," she protested. "No need for violence."

"With you, there's always a need for violence."

I jabbed her again, a little higher up. It didn't have quite the same impact, but she glared at me all the same. Or tried to, at least. She wasn't doing well at keeping a straight face while she chastised me.

"No wonder I have so many bad habits. My big bro's such a bad example for me."

"To be fair, you've got plenty of bad habits that I had nothing to do with."

Steph grinned impishly, silently conceding the point. She fell back and stretched out across my blanket. Her shirt was pulled tight across her breasts for a moment before she relaxed. She'd developed nicely as she grew out of her teens. It was kind of a waste, her being my sister and all.

"So what happened?" she asked.

"What happened? I dunno. What happened with what?"

"Aaron, in all the time I've known you, or at least in the time since you've moved out, you've never come running home for no reason. You come home for Christmas, or for someone's birthday, or because Mom asked you to, but never just because you felt like it."

Her tone wasn't accusatory, but she clearly felt like she had a point. Hell, she did have a point. Unfortunately, it wasn't an easy question to answer, even if I wanted to. I had no idea how much I should-or wanted to-say. I remained paralyzed in indecision long enough that Steph probably thought I wasn't going to respond.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she said. "I was just asking. You came all this way, I figured you might want to talk about it. That's all."

"I was lonely," I blurted out.

"You were lonely?"

"Don't make fun. You asked, I'm answering."

"Sorry, I wasn't... go ahead, I'll listen."

I sighed. "What else is there to say? I wasn't having a great time, and it feels a little better being home."

"It can't have been that bad. I mean, you've never been crazy social, but you've got, like, people to hang out with and everything, don't you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I do. I've got friends, and people I can talk to at work and everything. It's not like I'm a hermit exactly. Just..."

"What?"

I looked at my sister. She appeared somewhat concerned, though more curious than anything. Again I struggled with how much to share. In the moment, talking to her felt right. In all honesty, telling her truly personal things had never backfired on me. It was the less serious material that was fodder for later teasing.

"At night, that's when it's worst," I said. "When I'm alone, and it's dark, and I wish... I wish there was someone there."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

I lay back parallel to Steph, folding an arm back under my head. I waited in silence, unsure if she'd speak or if she was waiting for me. I'd given the important details. I was done as far as I was concerned.

"So you want a girlfriend."

"I... maybe? I guess. I mean, that's the obvious solution."

"Obvious solutions can be good. A roommate wouldn't be a bad idea either. You know, so you wouldn't be alone in your place at night."

"That's true. I don't know that I want that though. Living with anyone too long... it doesn't always go well. Us, for instance. We used to drive each other crazy."

"Only sometimes. Other times it was good. Overall, I'm glad I'm not an only child."

I turned my head toward her. Her eyes were closed, giving her the appearance of being asleep if not for the movements of her lips. Her words had been almost touching, in a weird sort of way. By her tone, she didn't seem to consider it any more than a statement of fact.

"Me too," I said.

The corner of her lips twitched upward for a second before fading back to a neutral line. I began to suspect that she was more tired than she'd let on. The novelty of my visit must have made me rate higher than sleep, at least temporarily.

"So how are things with you?" I asked.

Steph shrugged lazily. "Pretty much the same as always. Nothing ever really changes."

"Some things do."

"Sure, but..." She shook her head and propped herself up on her elbow. "Look, Aaron, you came back this weekend 'cause you missed the way things were, right? Or something kind of like that anyway. People get comfortable, set in their ways. That's kind of what my life is right now."

"Oh."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I felt like Steph was letting me in on some personal secret, but if she was it was only the very surface of it. It was hard to know how much it was bothering her.

"It's fine. It's not a big deal."

Steph sat up as though preparing to leave.

"No no, if you want to tell me something... well, you can. If you want."

"There's not much to tell. I'm just working some things out. That's all." She reached over and squeezed my leg reassuringly. "We'll talk more tomorrow, promise. I need sleep right now."

"Oh, yeah. Sure. Night, Steph."

"Good night, Aaron."

After my sister left, I turned the light off and went to bed. Unfortunately, thanks to our talk, I was no longer in quite such a sleepy state as I'd been after my nap on the couch. I certainly didn't begrudge her that, but it would have been nice not to lie awake-alone with my thoughts-as had so often been the case recently.

There was a part of me that wondered what it would have felt like if Steph hadn't gone back to her room. It was weird to even contemplate her sleeping in my bed with me, but in the moment it wasn't quite as weird as it could have been. She'd been lying there next to me only moments ago. I missed her presence now.

I couldn't seem to win. I'd come all the way back home to capture some feeling of belonging, and still I found myself lacking some undefined emotional connection. Maybe I'd missed my sister more than I thought, and now that I'd seen her my longing had only been reinforced. If anything, that was a stranger thought than any of the others.

The longer I lay there-tired, confused, but still very much awake-the more I wondered what it was I actually wanted from my sister. I had the strong, inexplicable sense that it would feel nice just to have her next to me. Maybe I was simply longing for a time when we'd been closer. There had been a lot of good times in our younger years when we'd lived together. There had been bad things too, but the nostalgia in me made it easy to skip over those parts.

We'd have to do something together while I was home. I made a firm mental note. Whatever my problem was, hanging out with Steph should help, or at the very least distract me for a while.

****

The first thing I knew the next morning, someone was shaking my shoulder. I jerked awake, confused and alarmed that someone was in my room. It took me a second to remember where I was, and that the person in question was my sister rather than an intruder.

"Hey, sleepy," she said, giving me an overly cheerful grin.

"Mmph. What do you want? It's early. It's..."

I looked for a clock and found none in the room. Admittedly, the sun was up, but it didn't seem like I'd slept in long enough to get a wake up call. There was nowhere I needed to be.

"Mom's making pancakes. She said to come get you."

"Ungh, at this hour?"

"It's, like, nine-thirty, dude. You're lucky she waited as long as she did. Some of us are starving."

Steph shook my shoulder again. I swatted at her, making glancing contact with her wrist as she pulled back out of range.

"I'm awake. Your job is done. S'no need to poke at me more."

"Maybe not, but it's kinda fun."

I rolled my eyes. "Great."

I sat up and swung my feet over the side of the bed. Steph was giving me the impression that she wasn't going to leave until I was moving. I wanted to spend time with her, but first thing after waking up was not ideal for me. I wasn't much of a morning person.

"You should put some clothes on before you come downstairs."

This time I gave Steph a full-on glare. "Thanks so much. Never would have thought of that."

She smiled sweetly. "You know, I forgot how cranky you can be in the mornings. I kinda missed it." She turned away, heading back out of the room. "Don't take too long, or your pancakes'll get cold."

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered to myself.

I was awake and alert enough at that point that falling back into bed didn't hold much appeal for me. The promise of pancakes, on the other hand, had been bouncing around in my head since it had been mentioned. It was enough to get me moving.

Steph was already eating by the time I got to the kitchen. Contrary to her warnings about me being late, Mom had a fresh plate of pancakes ready for me as I arrived. I thanked her and sat down opposite my sister at the table.

"I already told Stephanie, but I have some errands to run today," Mom said. "I should be back in plenty of time to make supper, but you two will be on your own for lunch."

"Um, okay," I said between mouthfuls. The pancakes were good, and I was hungrier than I'd realized.

"Don't worry, I'll look after him," Steph said. "Make sure he doesn't get into any trouble."

She smirked at me, obviously expecting her comment to needle me. She'd miscalculated; I was far too focused on my breakfast to care about subtle jabs at my ability to take care of myself. Besides, she was the one still living at home. I had nothing to prove.

"I'm sure you two will have a good time," Mom said.

"I'm sure we will too," Steph said, still grinning like an evil genius. "I've got plans for us today."

I arched an eyebrow. I didn't want take the bait, but she'd successfully aroused my curiousity. It was just going to bug me if I didn't ask.

"What kind of plans?"

Steph's face was a picture of innocence. "Nothing much. A little painting, that's all."

"Painting?"

"Mm-hm."

She was getting a kick out of making me squirm. I went back to my pancakes instead of continuing to give her the satisfaction.

"Ask your brother nicely, honey," Mom said. "Don't just expect him to help."

I was surprised to have Mom interject into the conversation. Clearly she knew what Steph meant. I still didn't have any idea what we were discussing.

"Mooom. It's only Aaron. He won't mind."

"Stephanie!"

Steph stuck her bottom lip out in a mock pout, then turned back to me.

"I need to paint my room. I thought, you know, it might be a good time to do it." She glanced at Mom for a second, then flashed me her 'innocent' face again. "Won't you pleeease help big bwuther? I'm only little and delicate and it would be ever so kind of you to assist me."

Even Mom rolled her eyes at Steph's display, which was certainly the intended effect. The two of them had been living together for a while now without me to balance things out, and it seemed to have changed the dynamic between them.

"We'll see," I said.

Steph batted her eyelashes as though it would help sway me. Mom shook her head, unable to watch any more of her daughter's atrocious acting.

"I need to go get changed. Will you finish up the pancakes, Stephanie?"

"Certainly, Mother dearest. It would be such an honour for me to-"

"Oh hush. Save it for your brother."

Despite her sarcasm, Steph did as she had been asked. She even slid a few more fresh pancakes onto my plate when they were ready. The transition was jarring enough that I couldn't just let it go. It seemed like her and Mom might have been having problems in my absence.

"So, uh, is something going on?" I asked.

"With what?"

"You know. You and Mom? That whole thing just now?"Oh, that. We've had... a lot of alone time. We may have been getting on each other's nerves a little more recently. You know, kind of like you and me used to sometimes. It happens."

"I see."

"Don't worry, it mostly stays civil."

"Uh huh. So I don't need to worry then?"

"Probably not. It's up to you though." She paused for a moment. "Are you okay with helping me paint? I mean, mostly I just need help moving some things. You wouldn't have to help with the actual painting if you don't want to. It needs done though. I'm so tired of that godawful yellow-y colour."

"Didn't you pick that one?"

"Fuck off. That was years ago."

I chuckled softly. "And that makes all the difference, I'm sure."

"Sooo... is that a yes?"

I shrugged, then nodded. "Sure, what the hell. It's not like I have anything else going on this weekend."

****

Steph had the paint already. Apparently the project had been in the works for a while and she'd just never gotten around to the actual painting part of it. She maintained that she couldn't deal with moving all her furniture and stuff around by herself, but I suspected there was some laziness and procrastination mixed in there as well.

"So how do you want to do this?" I asked.

"Well... probably we'll need to move everything away from one end of the room so we can paint it, then move things again to do the other side."

"You make it sound so fun." I made a show of sweeping my gaze across her room. "I sure can't wait to move everything two or three times."

"You big baby. It won't be that bad."

"Says the girl who couldn't do any of this until her big brother came to save the day."

"I... shut up."

I grinned as Steph moved to the middle of the room and picked up a few straggling items of clothing off the floor. She'd tidied up a little beforehand-leaving her room much less of a mess than usual-but it still needed some work. I let her deal with that while I took stock of the furniture that would need moved.

"You know, if we just move your desk over by your bed, we could basically paint this whole half of the room without moving too much else."

Steph looked over at where I was gesturing. "Yeah, that makes sense, I s'pose. It means we have more to move to do the other half though."

"We have to move it all a few times anyway. This minimizes how much we move in total. Probably."

"Okay then. Seems like you have it all figured out."

"Don't give me that. You still have to help me move it."

"Yeah, yeah."

With a little effort and cooperation we got everything in Steph's room shoved to one side. She got the painting supplies from wherever she'd hidden them, then tried to crack open one of the cans of paint.

"Shit, how does this open?"

I laughed. "Usually with a fair amount of prying. You have a screwdriver or anything handy?"

"Um... I'm sure there's one somewhere."

"But no idea where, huh?"

She shrugged. "Why would I keep track?"

I shook my head, but it was no good pressing the issue. If she didn't know, she didn't know. That was all there was to it.

I had to go track down a screwdriver myself, then come back to pry the lid off of the paint can. I was surprised when I actually saw the colour of the paint inside; it was a bright pink, not what I would have expected my sister to pick.

"Could you have picked a girlier colour?" I asked.

"What, just 'cause it's pink?"

"Yeah. Bright, garish pink."

"Oh it's not that bad. It'll look better once it's on the wall. You'll see."

"Uh huh, sure it will."

"It will. Trust me. Besides, it's my room, I can paint it whatever colour I want."

"Apparently so."

Steph punched me lightly on the shoulder, resorting to violence to shut me up. It was just like old times. I grinned to myself and picked up a paint roller.

****

Surprisingly, Steph and I made pretty good progress once we got started. Neither of us was the most focused of painters, but we worked well together. Without discussing it, I mostly covered the large, uncomplicated sections of wall with the roller while she did the corners and trim areas with a smaller brush. It kept us out of each other's way for the most part.

"This is gonna need a second coat, isn't it?" Steph asked as we finished up the first half of the room.

I stepped back and examined our progress. "Yeah, that's generally how these things go."

"Shit."

"What, you weren't anticipating that?"

"I was, just... I guess I didn't think this all the way through. If we have to do two coats on each half, and we have to let them dry in between, and we have to move everything around..." She gestured helplessly. "We might not be done before you leave again. Plus I can't sleep in here tonight."

"Those are some excellent points. But just think of the valuable learning experience you get out of this."

"I don't want experience, I want somewhere to sleep, dammit."

Steph sighed and put down her brush. I kept working, though not very hard. Our halfway line wasn't well defined, and we could really stop at any time. I felt like I should at least try to use up the rest of the paint on the roller.

"Did you really not have any idea where you were going to sleep?"

"Not really. I... okay, this sounds stupid, but I kind of just assumed I'd sleep in my bed, like normal. I mean, I understood I couldn't 'cause of everything being rearranged and the fumes and stuff, but I guess it didn't really register."

"I see. So what's the plan now? Sleep on the couch?"

Steph made a face. "Maybe. If no other solution presents itself."

"You know, if you asked really nice, your loving brother might share with you."

I made the offer without really thinking about it first. I stiffened once the words left my mouth, belatedly realizing that perhaps I shouldn't have said anything. My tone had been jokey enough that she probably wouldn't read anything into it, but I worried that she would. I still had no idea how to explain the issues I'd been going through lately.

I risked a sidelong glance at my sister. She was staring off blankly at the newly painted wall. She was either lost in thought, or just really, really liked the new colour.

"For real?" she asked.

"For real what?"

"Would you... shit, I don't know. I know you're just teasing, but I really don't want to sleep on that couch. It's too short and I'd wake up all scrunched and sore tomorrow. If I could get to sleep at all."

"You sound like you've tried it before."

She shrugged. "I was sick one day a few months ago and tried to take a nap on it. Didn't work. Had to drag myself all the way to my bed."

"Sounds rough."

"It was."

We both lapsed into silence for a moment. I wished I knew what Steph was thinking. She'd seemed interested in my offer, but I wasn't sure just how interested she really was. I didn't want to push the issue too much. There was no telling what she'd think if she knew my own feelings on the subject.

"I think it's time for a break," I said.

"Yeah, totally." Steph swung her gaze around the room. "We've done pretty good so far. We let this dry, put on a second coat, and we'll be halfway done."

****

By that evening, Steph and I had the first half of the room done. We planned on letting it dry overnight so we could do the other half the next day.

All the painting must have taken more out of me than I thought, because I was pretty tired by the time I headed to bed that night. I felt like maybe, hopefully, I'd fall asleep relatively quickly. I'd only just gotten comfortable in my bed when the door opened and Steph walked in.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey." She reached for the light switch to turn the light on, then stopped halfway there. There was enough light coming from the hallway that we could see reasonably well. "So, um..."

"What?"

"Look, seriously, did you mean it earlier? When you said you'd share?"

I thought back, frowning for a second in concentration.

"You mean my bed? Um, I guess so. Sure."

"Okay, good. Because I was gonna have to ask Mom otherwise, and I didn't... well, I'd just rather not."

"One of these years you two should really think about a guest room or something. You know, for emergencies like these."

"What do you think your room is most of the time, smartass?"

I started to reply, then thought better of it. She had a point.

"Alright, fair enough."

"Mmhm. Okay, lemme go change and I'll be right back."

Steph was gone for a few minutes. I scooted over to the far side of the bed in preparation for her return. I lay on my back, squirming slightly to get comfortable. I tried to remain calm, but I got more anxious by the moment. It felt so surreal that I'd spent last night wishing for a scenario like this, and now it was actually happening.

When Steph came back, she was wearing a baggy t-shirt with bare legs underneath. She closed the door behind her and felt her way cautiously to the bed. She slipped under the covers beside me like it was a completely normal thing for her to do. Her body brushed against mine a few times as she settled in.

There was a brief moment of perfect silence as we both lay still. I gradually became aware of the soft sound of Steph's breathing. It was the only thing available for my ears to focus on.

"We've never done this, have we?" she asked.

Her voice startled me, though I managed not to jerk and show my surprise.

"Done what?"

"Slept together. You know, like if we were sisters we would have shared a bed as kids sometimes. Or maybe even if we were brothers. Maybe we would have had bunk beds or something."

"Um... sure? I guess?"

"Sorry, I'm just musing. Ignore me."

"No, that's okay. I understand now. And you're right, we've never done this before. Is it... do you think it's weird that we're doing it now? As adults?"

Steph took a moment to consider. Again, the only sound was her breathing. It was a steady rhythm, and strangely soothing to me.

"Maybe a little. Do you think it's weird?"

"No, I don't think so. I almost kinda think it's nice."

"Yeah?"

I blushed, though the darkness hid it from my sister. "Yeah. You know, like, even just 'cause it means we can put up with each other enough to sleep together. It's nice, is all."

Again there was a pause before Steph replied. I was nervous this time, hoping that I hadn't said anything too stupid. I didn't think I had.

"You're right," she said eventually. "It is nice." She turned her head toward me. I felt her breath warm my cheek. "I've only got the one brother. It'd definitely suck not to get along with him."

Acting on intuition rather than any rational though, I rolled toward her. I snuggled up and rested my chin against her shoulder, draping my arm across her stomach. She giggled quietly and put her hand over mine.

"I missed you," I said.

"You did, did you?"

"Yeah. I did. I feel stupid saying it, but-"

"No, don't feel stupid. It's a nice thing to hear. I miss you too when you aren't around for a while. I kinda... actually never mind."

"What?"

"I said never mind."

"Well I'm curious now."

"Too bad."

"C'mon, Steph. Tell me."

I poked her gently in the tummy. She swatted at my hand, trying to fend me off.

"Ugh, fine. All I was gonna say is sometimes I wish you'd move back home. That's all. Now I'm the one being stupid."

"Well we can be stupid together then. Maybe it runs in the family."

Steph giggled again. "Yeah, maybe it does."

Following another impulse, I leaned over and kissed her cheek. It was just a quick, brotherly kiss, although it wasn't something I'd ever tried before. Luckily, she didn't react badly to it anymore than she had to me cuddling up to her.

"My, someone's affectionate tonight," she said in almost a whisper.

"Sorry."

"Godammit, don't be sorry. If I hit you, then you can be sorry. Otherwise..."

Steph trailed off, but I understood what she meant. We seemed to be on the same emotional page that night. It was exactly the sort of connection I craved in my life. I needed someone who understood me, and who I could be close to physically. It seemed the solution had been easier than I ever could have hoped.

"What if I did move back?" I asked.

"What? Seriously?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I haven't really thought about it."

"Aaron... your job... your, I don't know, everything you've been working for..."

"You know better than that. I have a job, I make some money, I rent a place... none of it's irreplaceable. I'm not on some grand career track. I don't have any real plans for the future."

Steph's hand squeezed mine. "But it's still something, right? I mean, there have to be things you'd be giving up."

"Yeah, there are. Like I say, I haven't really thought about this. I'm just talking. Probably doesn't mean anything."

Steph stayed quiet for a moment. I nuzzled at her shoulder, drawing reassurance from her body heat. I wondered if we'd sleep together again if I did move back home. Maybe it was only a one time thing.

"I'd like it if you did," she said finally. "I guess that's all I can say about it. It really has to be your call."

"Not entirely mine. I mean, you and Mom have to be okay with it. It's not really my house anymore."

"Don't be stupid. It'll always be your house too."

"Well... okay, but-"

"No 'buts.' That's just the way it is."

"Okay, Steph. Okay. I concede the point."

"Good." She squeezed my hand again. "G'night, Aaron."

"Night, Steph."

****

Waking up the next morning felt far better than it usually did. Beds are always more comfortable in the morning than at night anyway, but this time was even better. Steph's warmth added to mine in our blanket cocoon, making it nearly impossible for me to move. I was so cozy that I felt like I could lie there all day.

Steph's breathing was slow and regular. Her tummy rose and fell gently under my arm. I let my breathing fall into synch with hers, for no better reason than because I could. I drifted in a state somewhere between sleep and meditation, only just barely in the realm of the conscious. For an indeterminate amount of time, I was content. Utterly, perfectly, content.

I sensed my sister waking up before I could truly pinpoint any sign of change in her slumber. Seconds later, her eyes fluttered open, confirming my previously unsubstantiated feeling. She blinked a couple times, then turned her head toward me. Apparently satisfied that I was also awake, she settled back into her previous position and let her eyelids close again.

"Morning," I whispered.

"Morning. What time is it?"

I shrugged. "No idea."

She grunted in acknowledgement. For a moment it looked like she was simply going to drift back off to sleep.

"I had a weird dream," she said.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmhm. You were in it. I think you were living here again. Permanently."

"Well... at least we know where your mind picked that idea up from."

The corner of her lips twitched in amusement. "Yes, obviously that's the main concern."

"Oh hush. It's early. I don't have to be all deep and profound."

"Good thing."

Steph stretched, as though preparing to move. Instead, she rolled onto her side facing away from me and curled back up. I reached out and looped my arm around her waist, dragging her the few inches back toward me. She giggled and allowed herself to be tugged limply back where she'd started.

"You planning on having us both lie here all day?" she asked.

"Maybe. I could almost go for that."

"Yeah, me too. Almost." She let out a soft sigh. "We do have things to do though. Things that have to be done before you leave."

"You mean things you 'want' to have done before I leave. They don't 'have' to be done."

"Well whatever. It's almost the same thing."

Steph made another token effort at separating herself from me. This time when I pulled her back, she moved with me, rolling as I pulled her back. She ended up on top of me, her legs straddling my waist. She pushed herself more or less upright and looked down at me with a bemused smile.

"Just because it's endearing that you want to keep me close, doesn't mean I'm just going to let you," she said with a hint of teasing in her voice. "Even if we drop the argument over semantics, I'm starting to get hungry. I don't see much chance of us getting breakfast in bed."

"One can always hope."

"Alright. You stay here and hope, and I'll go actually deal with the problem. We'll see who has more luck."

Steph slid gracefully away from me. I caught a flash of her panties as she hopped to the floor and straightened out her shirt. I wasn't sure how to react to that. I wasn't able to dismiss the image easily as the minor freak accident it was. Luckily, she didn't seem to have noticed that anything was amiss.

****

Steph and I got back to painting late that morning. She seemed to think the half we'd done was going to need a third coat. I reminded her that if we didn't start on the other half, we probably wouldn't get to it. That got her back on track with the original plan. I understood the desire to have the painting be done properly in her room, but we just didn't have the time for it.

However, despite being under some amount of time-pressure, we weren't exactly pushing ourselves. Most of the focus we'd shared the day before seemed to have deserted us. We weren't professional painters at the best of times, and it showed even more so today.

Partly it seemed like we were working closer together. We'd done a good job of keeping out of each other's way previously. This time it was more like we testing the limits of proximity. I got 'accidentally' elbowed a few times, and in return I lightly hip-checked Steph when she got in my way. It slowed us down, but it also kept us amused.

Steph's bed was occupying a position more or less in the middle of the room. Once I had finished my part of the first coat, I wandered over to the bed and flopped down on my back. Steph was a little longer in finishing up her last section. She frowned at me when she turned and saw where I was.

"You aren't getting paint all over my sheets, are you?"

"Nope, no mess. Promise."

"Better not be." She came over and sat next to me. "It's gonna be an okay job, I think."

"Mmhm."

"Not perfect, but okay."

"Mmhm." I'd been staring up at the ceiling, my brain slowly processing what my eyes were relaying. "Hey Steph?"

"Yeah?"

"What about the ceiling?"

Steph looked up. Her frown returned as she saw the same thing I had. The old colour wasn't going to match her new pink walls at all.

"Shit. How did we not think of that?"

"I dunno. We're not professionals."

"No, but... I mean, it's obvious. And neither of us thought of it. And we aren't going to have time to do it, let alone how we'd go about doing it in the first place."

"A ladder, probably."

"Yes, but..." Steph paused, her train of thought temporarily derailed. "That's not the point. I don't know what the point even is anymore."

"Something about not getting your room painted properly, I think."

"Uh huh. Well, there's really only one solution to that."

"Is that right?"

"Yep. I'm just gonna have to hold you captive until we finish."

I chuckled, and after a moment Steph let out a giggle of her own.

"Slave labour, is it? I'd always hoped for something more than that."

"Hey, it wouldn't be all bad."

"Oh no?"

"I could make it worthwhile for you."

"You think so do you?"

Steph didn't answer. It took me a moment to realize that she hadn't been just joking around with her last statement; that to some extent, she'd meant it. I examined her face more closely, but as soon as she noticed I was looking she blanked her expression. We stared awkwardly at one another as the silence dragged on.

"You really want me to stay, don't you?" I asked.

"Well... yeah. And you want to stay too. But it's more complicated than that. Don't think I don't understand that.""That's true. Hypothetically, how would you make it 'worthwhile' for me to stay?"

"Just... how about we forget I said anything. It all seems a lot stupider now that I've thought about it."

"You know that just makes me more curious."

"Too bad for you."

"What do you mean too bad for me? You're the one who's trying to keep me here. You're gonna have to bribe me somehow."

Steph sighed and fell back to stretch out across her bed. I looked over at her, then emulated her. We lay parallel to each other, lost in our own thoughts.

"Shit!"

"What?" I looked over again, somewhat alarmed by her sudden outburst.

"I just got some paint on my sheet. It's not much though. It was mostly dried on me anyway."

"Ha! And after you were all worried about me doing that."

"Oh shut up. It's my bed, I can do what I want."

"That's a little hypocritical of you."

"So what?"

I shrugged. "Just sayin'."

Steph was a quiet for a moment before speaking again.

"Hey Aaron?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you thought anymore about staying? Like, for real?"

"I've thought about it, yeah. Haven't come to any life changing decisions yet, if that's what you're asking."

"Oh, okay."

She sighed and rolled toward me. She put her head on my shoulder and rested her hand on my chest. My instinctual response was to sneak my arm around her and hold her against me. We just kind of lay there for a while, each of us leaving the other to their thoughts.

Cuddling with Steph felt nice; there was no avoiding that fact. It was something I'd have to give up if I left and went back to my real life and my lonely apartment. It was a tough choice to have to make. It was so easy to imagine dropping everything and moving back home. So easy to ignore all the problems that would cause.

"You should stay," Steph whispered.

"Yeah, I'm aware that's your position on the subject. You know it's not that simple. It'd be complicated. I'd have to move all my stuff, get a new job, deal with getting out of my lease-"

"So do that. I'll help. I mean, I'll help with what I can."

"Yeah, but-"

"And I really meant it when I said I'd make it all worth it for you."

I waited for a few seconds to make sure I wasn't going to get immediately interrupted again.

"You seem awfully invested in getting me to stay."

She shrugged. "I missed you. A lot. Things are better when you're here."

"Okay, I mean, I kinda feel that way too, but... I don't know, Steph. I just really don't know."

Steph pushed herself up onto her elbow. She chewed her lip in indecision for a moment, then sat the rest of the way up.

"Maybe I just gotta convince you then," she said quietly.

She moved quickly, before I even had a chance to ask how she planned to do that. Her hands went to the bottom of her shirt. In one smooth motion she pulled it up and over her head. I remained frozen in confusion. She had a bra on underneath so it wasn't like anything too crazy was actually happening, but I knew that her intent was something completely out of the ordinary.

Steph fidgeted with her shirt for a moment, then put it aside. She looked me in the eye ever so briefly, then turned away. She went for the clasp on her bra just as I was working up to saying something.

"What... Steph, what are you doing?"

"Convincing you. You like boobs, don't you?"

She tried to make it sound like a joke, but she was too nervous for that. Her voice trembled, and she fumbled with her bra clasp a couple times before unhooking it. I noticed her hand shaking slightly as she pulled her bra away from her chest.

I had no idea what I should do. My life experiences so far, and society in general, had failed to prepare me for my sister sitting topless next to me. Staring at her tits seemed incorrect, but also completely unavoidable. I mean, she wanted me to look. Clearly she wanted me to look. That was the whole purpose of taking her shirt and bra off. So I stared.

Nothing catastrophic happened right away, for which I was thankful. Steph had nice breasts, the sort I could happily admire for an extended period of time. I told myself I was just buying time so that I could figure how to extract myself tactfully from the room, but that was utter bullshit. She had me exactly where she wanted me.

"So... those are nice."

Steph blushed. "Thanks."

I waited, but she didn't say anything else. I was desperate for some signal as to what I should be doing or saying. Unfortunately, she showed no sign of giving me such an easy out.

"This is where I'm swayed to your point of view, is it?"

"Ideally."

Steph's single word responses, while generally unhelpful, somehow helped my panic to recede. The situation was weird and totally unfamiliar to me, but the longer we went without any further developments, the less justification my fight-or-flight response had for sounding battle stations.

I could ask her what she wanted me to say, but I already knew the answer. She wanted me to say that I'd stay. There was a certain appeal to temporarily surrendering my sense of personal responsibility, but ultimately I'd have to live with the decision. It was in my own best interest to choose correctly.

I sat up. This had the effect of putting me a lot closer to my sister's naked breasts. She pulled away ever so slightly as I moved, then got control of herself and straightened back up. I reached toward her experimentally. Her eyes flicked to my hand, then back to my face. Her expression remained more or less impassive as my hand made its way slowly to her chest.

My fingertips landed just above Steph's boobs. I hadn't expected her to stop me, but somehow I was still surprised to have gotten that far. I met her gaze as I trailed my touch lightly downward, traversing the soft curve of her breast.

Steph's lips twitched as she fought to maintain control of her face. She finally turned her head away, unable to maintain the pretense that everything was completely normal. I, on the other hand, was simply fascinated. The way she reacted to my touch and the way my body reacted in turn was all so strange and novel. This was absolutely the least platonic interaction there had ever been between us.

"I'm not convinced you've thought this through," I said.

"How so?"

"Assuming I stayed, and assuming more of... this... happened."

"More touching?"

"Touching, looking, sleeping, whatever. That's what you're trying to lure me with, after all."

"Persuading," she corrected. "Not luring."

"Right, well if we assume that you manage to persuade me, then... isn't it possible I might start to want more?"

Steph bit her lip, then nodded. "It's possible," she said softly. "Why do you assume I haven't thought of that already?"

The obvious answer was that it was crazy, that I shouldn't be interested in my sister that way and that she should know that. The obvious answer also happened to be complete bullshit.

"So you've thought of everything then?"

She shrugged. "Probably not everything. Obviously I can't know for sure what you're going to do, or think, or say."

"That makes two of us."

Steph's lips twitched in amusement. She'd been gradually appearing more confident, mirroring the way I was feeling. Once the initial apprehension wore off, there really wasn't anything scary or nerve-wracking about the situation. It was just weird and socially unacceptable, was all.

Steph swung her leg over my lap and lowered herself to rest lightly across my thighs. She put her hands on my shoulders to balance herself, or maybe to hold on in case I tried to push her away. Her new position made it easy to reach her with both hands instead of just one. I put my hands on her hips and dragged them slowly upward, tracing her soft curves.

"This is kinda nice," I said.

"It kinda is," she agreed. "We could probably do a lot more of it if you decided not to leave."

"Oh yeah? And what else could we do?"

"Hmm, well..."

Steph slid backward off my lap. She dropped to her knees on the floor in front of me. If anything, she made for an even hotter picture from that position. She looked up at me, traces of lust now evident in her eyes. I probably had more or less the same expression. I was getting pretty turned on.

I knew what was coming, but I still watched in disbelief as Steph reached toward my crotch. My sister was trying to get into my pants, as ludicrous a thought as that would have been on any other day. It was like something out of a dream, the kind that you only half-remember when you wake up. This was so much more than a dream, however, and wasn't the sort of thing I'd soon forget.

I jumped a little when Steph's fingers actually made contact with my cock. She flinched in response to my reaction, but only for a second. My erection filled out quickly under her care. I leaned back, propping myself up on my arms and watched her through half-closed eyes. This was fucked. It was so, so fucked. But it felt good, and it wasn't hurting anyone, so it couldn't really have been all that bad.

"Is this what you want?" she asked softly.

I just nodded, my voice having temporarily deserted me. Her dextrous little fingers were doing amazing things to me, and she'd only just started. I lifted my butt off the mattress as she tugged on my pants. Together we stripped me from the waist down, removing all obstacles between her and my hard cock.

Steph took my shaft in a more solid grip. She stroked me slowly, but firmly. I groaned in pleasure at what she was doing to me. Her handjob felt amazing and, if I was being totally honest, it wasn't all because of the physical aspect. Some part of me-some deranged, pervy aspect of my mind-couldn't help deriving pleasure from watching my little sister perform such a sexual task on me. I loved her, and she was forbidden, and she was kneeling half-naked in front of me with my cock in her hand. It was quite a sexy mess to process.

"This is... pretty convincing," I said, failing abysmally to keep my voice steady.

"Thought it might be." She tilted her head slightly. "Of course, the other option was that you'd freak out and leave and never come back. I was really hoping it wasn't going to be that one."

I forced a half-hearted chuckle, although her alternate scenario wasn't really that funny. I wondered if me leaving home had triggered some kind of abandonment issues for her. If so, that would be a good reason to stay this time. I reached out and brushed her hair back from her face, trying to convey reassurance through the simple touch. She leaned into my touch slightly, nuzzling against my palm.

It all became so much more clear for me in that moment; my sister needed me. At least, she needed me more than anyone or anything in the new life I'd been trying to build. I'd been focused on entirely the wrong things. Plus, I'd been a lot happier even in the few days I'd been back. Maybe I never should have left in the first place.

Steph squealed as I grabbed her and pulled her up onto the bed with me. I swung her down onto her back, then climbed onto my knees and straddled her waist. Her eyes lit up with barely restrained hope and her chest heaved at the sudden burst of excitement. I smiled and reached down to play with her perky tits. She replaced her grip on my cock and stroked me even more enthusiastically.

She wanted to ask me; I could tell. She wanted to be sure she was reading me right. She alternated between starting to say something, and chewing on her lip hesitantly. Her hand kept moving the whole time, stroking my pre-cum-slick shaft. She was going to make me cum. That was a new and strange realization all on its own. Despite having come to terms with getting jerked off by my sister, somehow her finishing the job required me to evaluate our circumstances all over again.

I pinched one of Steph's nipples lightly just to see what she'd do. Her eyelids fluttered for a second and she drew in a sharp breath through her teeth. A faint smile flashed across her lips. I rubbed small circles around her nipples with my thumbs, intrigued at the reaction I got from toying with the sensitive tips of her breasts. Her grip tightened on me in response, driving me ever nearer to orgasm.

We were locked together, joined in an illicit sexual moment. Our mutual goal was my eventual release. More and more I felt the desire, the need, for that final burst of pleasure. I felt it inside me, growing stronger with every passing second. My sister's fingers worked their magic and built me to a climax.

"Oh god, Steeeph," I moaned as the last barrier fell away.

Time stopped for an instant, then exploded in a rush of sensation. I came hard, spurting onto Steph's tummy and breasts. I watched semen spurt from my cock like I was in a dream. It was the most surreal feeling in the world to be painting my sister's stomach in such a naughty way.

I stared stupidly down at my sister as my lust faded away. There was cum all over her; my cum. That was bad, wasn't it? It seemed like it should be a bad thing to my calmed down and slightly-more-rational brain. She looked back at me, evaluating my expression carefully. I shook my head as though it might help clear some of the confusion.

"Are you convinced yet?" she asked.

A slow, goofy grin spread across my lips. "You want me to stay pretty bad, huh?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I think I was clear about that."

"And if I did... there'd be more of what we did just now?"

"Maybe. If you're good."

I laughed. I couldn't help myself; all of a sudden every single thing about the situation seemed hilarious. I half-fell off of Steph, coming to rest next to her on my side. She smiled at my amusement but didn't succumb to actual laughter.

"What? What's so funny?" she asked.

"Everything. Everything's just... crazy. It's all so ridiculous."

"Why's that?"

"You're lying there like that," I said, gesturing to her naked, cum covered torso, "and you're going to ask me what's so crazy?"

She looked down at herself, then let out a giggle of her own. "Okay, fair point."

I put my hand on her tummy, just below where my cum was splashed across her skin. I felt the warmth and smoothness of her body through my palm. Steph stopped giggling and bit her lip as she looked over at me. Her pleading eyes expressed what she didn't want to say out loud. I'd achieved release, but she was still all worked up.

I slid my hand lower, locating the waistband of her pants. She reached down without any further prompting and pushed her pants partway down her legs. I kept looking straight into her eyes as I maneuvered my hand under her panties. Her pussy was soaked.

"I want to stay," I said.

Steph smiled. "Good."

"I want..." I trailed off, unsure how to phrase my desires properly.

She nodded as though she understood, even though I hadn't really said much of anything. It wouldn't have been that hard to guess the general idea. I didn't think it would even be possible for us to go back to a purely platonic relationship anyway. There are some lines that can't be uncrossed.

Steph's eyes widened and her lips twitched adorably as I found a sensitive spot. I was running my fingers along her wet slit, slowly probing deeper between her pussy lips. Hitting her clit seemed to get the best reactions from her, so I tried to put a little more focus there.

"Please," she breathed.

Her single word activated something inside of me; some desire to please and to possess all at once. She needed release, and she needed me to help her get there. She was temporarily enslaved to the whim of my touch. It was so unlike any feeling I was familiar with. I kind of liked it.

"You want me to keep doing this?" I asked softly as I rubbed the pad of my finger over the top of her slit again.

"Yesss," she hissed.

Steph arched her back in pleasure. Her fingers dug into the bed sheets, clenching and unclenching alternately. It looked like she was going to cum at any moment. It fascinated me to watch every twitch of her body, every small sign of her elevated arousal. I could practically see the buildup inside her, the orgasm forming and preparing to explode. I kept my fingers constantly moving and worked her steadily toward it.

Steph came all at once with no real warning. She abruptly stiffened and thrust her hips upward, pushing her pussy into my hand. She made a noise like a muffled moan that went on for several seconds. One of her hands latched onto my shoulder, maybe just for something to hold. She twitched and spasmed through her orgasm until it finally died down.

"Oh. My. God," she said.

"Good?"

She snorted weakly. "Yeah, you could say that."

"Who knew I had it in me."

"Well... you know, not to belittle your skills, but-"

"Hush, quit while you're ahead."

"Good call."

I pulled my hand away from Steph as she stretched out lazily. She still made quite a sexy sight, disheveled and undressed as she was. I decided I could get used to seeing her like that. And feeling her like that. And... other things.

"So you're staying?" she asked. "For real?"

"For real," I confirmed.

"Good. That's the right decision. You'll see."

I smiled as I lay down next to her. I was already pretty sure of that myself.