Chapter 83 – My Queen

On the way back Pam's apartment, the two decided to just walk. After taking taxi earlier from the Laksa restaurant, Tim realized it's just near and suggested that they just walk. Tim has holding her right hand while the other hand holds the grocery bag. They leisurely walk together.

"What was your daily routine here in Singapore?"

"Home, Office, Grocery or shopping sometimes then back home. It's pretty boring, I don't like going out anyway. I would rather sleep or watch something at home."

Tim held her hands tightly unlike her, Tim would go out and spend some fun times with colleagues or friends. Although it has been occasional, he had decent social life. "I can do this everyday…"

"Mmm what?" Pam seems to be at a lost with what he means.

"I can spend my everyday with you walking holding hands after market or grocery. Then we can talk about what we did in the office." As Tim is taller than Pam who wore flat shoes, he had to look down lovingly at her while they walk.

"I like it too." Pam leaned closer to Tim's arms as they walk, this is simple thing that couple in love can enjoy doing. Walking hand in hand, cooking meal together, washing, cleaning house, just lying down reading books, watch movie or tv together. So many simple things to enjoy each other's company which may have to wait for couple of months or years to happen in their case.

Later that night, the couple in their cozy pajamas laid down on Pam's queen size bed. They were cuddling when Pam broke the serene moment, "my bed here is smaller than the ones at the Gardens."

"Doesn't matter, it accommodated my height the width is not an issue you can always lay on top of me if I wanted more space," he chuckled.

Pam pinched him on the side. "Talking dirty again!" She simply wants to savor the moment embracing Tim. The warmth of his body gives her sense of security.

Tim laughed at her; he loves to tease her this way. "Why do you keep on saying it is talking dirty? It's love talk my Queen."

Pam raised her head to look at Tim, she smiled at him sweetly and kissed his chin. "Am I really your Queen?" She liked how he addressed her, made her heart flutter. She will definitely treat him as her King.

"Of course, my one and only Queen." He kissed her on her forehead. He suddenly asked, "where do you want to settle Pim? I have been meaning to ask you this my Queen."

They have never discussed this topic. All they have agreed on is, they stay at Tim's whenever they are back in home where he is based, and in her apartment in Singapore where she is originally based. "We are like everywhere in this side of Asia Pacific. I have 3 options back in my hometown, Singapore or Sydney but I will settle where you want to settle. "

"Boston is my hometown in US, its not in your options. Are you fine with this?"

"I remember you told me long time ago that you don't have plans of staying back in US. But if you want to settle in the US, I am fine with it. I go where you go."

"Its good then we can put that in the option. US and Australia will be good for kids at least on their studies but we don't have to live there if they prefer to study overseas."

The mention of kids got Pam a little sad and insecure. Tim noticed her sudden silence. "Are you thinking about pregnancy?"

It took a while for Pam to respond, "what if I don't conceive Tim? What if I cannot be a mother?"

"Didn't the doctor say you just need to be healthy you are still in your twenties why are you so negative. The technology is advanced now, you had your egg cells frozen if by natural mean you don't get pregnant then we try the scientific ways. If your body is not healthy enough to carry the child, then we can have surrogate mother. We can also adopt. You are worrying a lot."

Tim knew that Pam was crying, his chest is now wet with her tears. She pulled her out of the embrace and lifted her chin. "Hey why are you crying? It's not like the end of the world for us if we do not have kids."

"But you liked kids."

"I do! But having none is not a big deal and we do have options. Can you please not cry over this matter? I know what you went through 7 years ago. It was hard to lose a child, it's not your fault. Whether I will have kids with you or not, I will not take that against you ever!"

Overwhelmed with what Tim has declared, Pam cried even harder. "I am really sorry for not taking care of myself before. I am sorry for not taking care of the baby. I want to have a family with you. I hope God gives me another chance."

"Shhhhh," Tim put her back to his embrace. "Enough of this, let's move on with our plans together. Whether it's back home, Singapore, Australia, Africa, Europe or US as long as the two of us are together, that is the only thing that is important. Please stop crying."

Pam tried so hard not to cry anymore. Her tears are brought by the sadness of losing the baby before, she has always been feeling guilty about this however she is also crying because of happiness. She now has crystal clear understanding of how important she is to Tim and how he values the marriage.

After quite some time without movements or change in their position, Tim realized that Pam has drifted to sleep. He could feel his steady breathing and occasional sobbing as a result of her heavy crying earlier. He kissed her hair nonstop as Pam facing him in embrace looked peaceful. He was planning to have some activity tonight before sleeping but thought that she needed to rest from the flight and heaviness she felt earlier.

Tim could not sleep, so he talked to her in monologue while running his palm on her back and kissing her hair.

"I love you Pam… I will never let you down. Even now I am starting to miss you knowing we will be apart in less than 48 hours. I love you…I love you."