Inferiority

"Natalia, this is your older brother, Carter," Mr. Ferreira said, patting Carter in the back.

I nodded as I watched my so called brother took a few step closer towards my direction. With a smile softer than earlier and eyes filled with warmth, he said, "I'm glad to finally meet you, Natalia."

Bullshit, I instantly thought.

If it hadn't for Mr. and Mrs. Ferreira being here, I would've spoken that out loud. Pretending was always a tedious task. Nakakatamad siyang gawin. Kung pupwede nga lang na hindi magpanggap, kanina ko pa ginawa. Pero hindi ko pa lubusang kilala ang mga tao rito, at kung hindi nila magustuhan ang asta ko, may posibilidad na hindi maging maganda ang pananatili ko rito.

In my eyes, Mr. and Mrs. Ferreira were still strangers despite them proclaiming as my biological parents. Oo nga't tinanggap ko ang lahat ng mga sinabi at desisyon nila, pero hindi pwedeng magtiwala kaagad ako; hindi pwedeng basta-basta ko na lamang iisipin na matatanggap nila ang buong pagkatao ko dahil lang sa ako ang anak nila. They may be treating me right at the moment, but that doesn't guarantee that in the future, they would still treat me the same. And I had no intentions of living in another hellhole. I had to do everything I could in order to live here as comfortably as possible, even if that meant I had to pretend all my life.

So instead of saying what I wanted to say, I settled for bringing back my smile as I returned Carter's disgustingly ridiculous gentle gaze.

"Thank you, Carter," I replied in a sweet tone that almost made me puke. "Or should I call you Kuya?"

Mr. Ferreira laughed, while his wife let out a soft chuckle, even though I wasn't trying to be funny. Carter was probably the only one who noticed that my words were laced with sarcasm, if the lack of reaction from him wasn't an indication. Tinitigan niya lang ako, habang suot pa rin ang peke niyang ngiti, kaya naman nilawakan ko rin ang sa akin.

"Carter's fine, Natalia," he answered, then pinched me in the cheek. "I'm only four years older, anyway."

I nodded, though in my head, I wanted to slap him for pulling that crappy move. Sa tingin niya ba nakakatuwa ang ginawa niyang pagpisil sa pisngi ko?

"Okay. Kung saan ka komportable, Carter," sabi ko na lang sa kanya.

Hindi na siya sumagot matapos iyon. Hindi na rin naman kasi siya binigyan ng pagkakataon ni Mrs. Ferreira na makapagsalita pa dahil inunahan na siya nito.

"How 'bout I introduce you to the rest, Natalia?" aniya sabay patong ng kanyang kamay sa aking balikat, bago ako marahang iginiya palayo.

Narinig kong sumang-ayon si Mr. Ferreira, habang ako naman ay bahagyang natuwa sa naging desisyon nila. Pretending was easy, but controlling my temper was another thing. Hindi madaling panatiliing kalmado ang aking sarili, lalo na't pasimple akong iniinis ni Carter sa harap ng mga magulang namin. Kaya mas gusto ko na ring ipakilala ako sa ibang tao, kaysa ang makausap ang siya.

Manang Corazon was the first one I was introduced to. Nang makalapit ako sa kanya ay walang paa-paalam niya akong niyakap nang mahigpit. She was a sixty-eight-year-old woman whom served the Ferreiras since I was born, according to Mrs. Ferreira. She had gray hair tied in a neat bun, and she wore a long-sleeved dress that fell down to her shins. Mukha man siyang masungit tingnan, ramdam mo naman na hindi siya ganoon.

The next were Manong Esteban and Kristy. Mag-ama ang dalawa at sabi ay mga tinulungan sila ni Mr. Ferreira noon, kaya't bilang pagtanaw ng utang na loob ay nanilbihan sila sa pamilya namin. Wala na raw ako nang magsimula silang magtrabaho kaya naman tanging ngiti at tango lamang ang ibinigay nilang dalawa sa akin. Ngunit kahit na ganoon ay ramdam ko pa rin ang pagtanggap nila.

What genuine people, unlike someone I met earlier.

Matapos ang lahat ng iyon ay pumasok na kami sa bahay sa pangunguna ni Mrs. Ferreira at Manang Corazon. Sumunod ako sa kanila. Si Kristy ay nasa aking gilid; si Mr. Ferreira at Carter ay nasa aking likuran; habang si Manong Esteban naman ay nahuhuli, dala-dala ang mga gamit ko na kinuha niya sa sasakyan.

Just as I thought, the house was huge. Mas malaki siya kapag nakapasok ka na sa loob. The foyer alone was bigger than the house I grew up in. There was even a grand staircase that would welcome you the moment you stepped inside.

"This is your new home, Natalia," Mrs. Ferreira said, turning to me.

Ngumiti ako bilang sagot, bago ilibot ang paningin sa kabuuan ng living area. The walls were painted in white, accentuated by large landscape paintings. Chandeliers hung from the tall ceilings, and expensive-looking furniture and electronics filled up the room with a matching theme of gold, brown and teal green. Kahit saan ka tumingin, ang buong paligid at kahit na ang hangin ay nagsusumigaw ng karangyaan.

No wonder my father wanted to destroy the Ferreiras.

He had always been envious of those who were at the top. I remembered him asking himself why couldn't seem to reach them, as though they were out of his reach. Maybe that was the reason that drove him to his insanity—his feelings of inferiority towards the Ferreiras, especially towards Aziel Ferreira.

* * *

It was already dark when I finally got to my room. Kakatapos lang namin kumain ng hapunan. Mom and Dad, as what they requested for me to call them earlier at dinner, had gone to their room as well. Si Carter naman ay babalik na rin dapat sa kanyang kwarto, pero hindi niya nagawa dahil sa pasimpleng utos ni Dad.

"Carter, why don't you take your sister to her room?" biglaan nitong sinabi nang matapos akong kumain.

Napa-angat ako ng ulo at agad na nagtama ang paningin namin ni Carter. He stared at me, swirling the red wine in his glass, before shifting his eyes to Dad. "If it's okay with her," he said, then turned back to me, clearly asking for my answer.

I swore that at that moment, I almost laughed. Halatang halata na ayaw niya akong makasama. The guy didn't even looked at my direction the whole time we were having dinner, until now. Kaya malamang ay hindi niya gustong ihatid ako.

Too bad for him though, because I'd been waiting for this chance to happen.

Hindi dahil gusto ko siyang makasama. God, no. I wouldn't mind, though I'd prefer not to. Kaya lang, pagkakataon ko na 'to para makausap siya nang walang halong pagpapanggap. This was my chance to strip off my mask, and his. Kaya bago pa man ako tanungin ni Dad ay mabilis na akong sumagot.

"Of course, it's okay!" I said, smiling. "That would be great. Para sana makapagkwentuhan tayo."

Natigil si Carter sa kanyang ginagawa at tinitigan lamang ako. Kahit pa noong nagsalita si Dad at tinapik siya nito sa balikat ay hindi siya nag-alis ng tingin. Probably reading my expression, searching for something that would give me away. But he found nothing. I didn't gave him the chance, not yet.

Drinking his last gulp of wine, he stood up and said, "I'd like that."

And that was how Carter ended up in my room.

The moment he closed the door behind him, my face lost all expression, and I couldn't explain how good it felt. Finally, I didn't have to maintain my smile, and keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. I could say whatever I want now. And that was exactly what I just did.

"You can stop it now," I said, leaning on the wall as I crossed my arms over my chest.

Carter turned to me, his brows meeting halfway. "What?" he said, then stupidly forced out another one of his gentle smiles.

Hindi niya ba alam na nakakasuka siyang panoorin?

"You can stop the good-brother-crap now, Carter." I pushed myself off the wall and started decreasing the distance between us, staring straight into his eyes as it got colder and colder with every step that I took. "I can see right through you." Then, I stopped, just a few inches away from him.

The room got deathly quiet. None of us spoke for a few moments. Nagsukatan lamang kami ng tingin, at walang gustong magpaawat. But then, Carter shattered the silence with his humorless chuckle. And for the first time, I saw him smile genuinely.

Though I doubt he was actually happy.