Blog #48: Femininity Analysis- The Harem
In any fiction or story, one thing that stays consistent is the role of boys being raised as men, girls being raised as women, and children staying as kids until they hit puberty. As the 'fairer sex', today I'll be opening up about my thoughts of femininity.
I am not a female myself, but as a guy who grew up with literally no 'Bro' as a friend since my secondary school years, and the fact that this blog is more about female characters in pop culture, I'm confident in getting my points across.
To dive right into the topic: We first have to acknowledge that females have evolved a lot in literature and fiction. The more self-aware writers of such stories have consistently tried their best to appeal to audiences, while also making it interesting.
Impressionable teenagers and even older women tend to define their identity over what they see in media. From the way they should perceive themselves to the way they could articulate their emotions and what they should be ashamed of.
To say that feminism is only a result of people wanting to protect women is an understatement. It is almost an entitlement that girls have to be protected by men regardless of their social dynamic nowadays.
Not to turn this into a rant about feminists but you can be female and a jerk these days, they call that a thot. This also isn't a misogynist blog where I start hating female character for being females.
Instead, my gripe has more to do with the way male writers tend to turn female into literal angels.
Not full-on Mary Sues, but literal ANGELS or one dimensional rewards for the sake of building a harem, which surprisingly are both the same thing sometimes, as interest in the other seems to only be born when they see how angelic the female is.
'Oh, look at how this female character gave up her family heirloom for the main character~
Oh, look at how this amazing female lead gave up on her own family for the sake of being the male lead~
Oh, look at how devoted this girl is, the author should definitely add her to the harem, alright~
Waifu number one ahoy~ Yay!'
Ahem, that's literally how readers seem to treat harem members in fiction as if writing a functional relationship between one man and multiple females can't be done without making them the 'prizes'.
You saved her life? Well she'll definitely fall in love with you regardless since you are SOOO caring~
You were nice to her that one time? Well this is definitely a foreshadow to a romantic subplot~
Anyway, writers seemed to use literary shortcuts like that as somehow essential in Harem stories these days as the man turns them into prizes in return for him having feeling for them. However, this screwed up train of thought doesn't belong to just men.
In essence, there is a toxicity that happens when girls believe it is more 'feminine' to lack urgency in a relationship. Almost as if the male either confessing first and being aware of their thoughts is a given.
This turns into the toxic belief that as long as there is love, anything you say can be understood...
They fall into a false sense of security as the man they love pretends he totally comprehends their mindset ninety percent of the time, but the fact that he has interest in her should excuse him if this dissonance is exploited EVERY SINGLE TIME!
Polygamy may be a 'trope' nowadays to feed readers with that power fantasy a delusion of grandeur, but that doesn't change the fact that a lot of people tend to throw away perfectly good stories because the author added a lacklustre harem element to it.
Although I'm tempted to bring up that Webnovel called Sevens to show how a good harem relationship should work, that story is about a boy in his adolescence so it doesn't quite fit what I'm looking for in a more mature harem story.
Different people connect to each other in different ways and harem members in stories are supposed to appeal to different sides of the person they like rather than being embodiments of various fetishes.
All people tend to have different personalities that stem from their environment and the people who raised them. You won't find any depth in just slapping on any old character as a love interest.
If you're going to write a Harem, be sure to look at things in a girls perspective and see their POV.
What girls want in their future partners isn't as fixed as the things guys want depending on the setting you made. Social standings and love for a particular quality in a person can affect what THEY desire.
Amateur writers tend to jump so deep into the physical aspect of a man and woman relationship that they forget to make them relatable first and a plot device second. They write blushes and a girl drooling over a guys abs even before 'falling in love'.
And I'm not criticising only male writers for that, as even female writers tend to do the exact same thing
The only difference is that they have better understanding about the mindset of girls and don't normally add in cringeworthy elements like them becoming 'addicted' to each other's presence.
Authors also seem to forget to give the female harem proper relationship dynamics as if it's fine as long as they aren't killing each other... Which kills a lot of potential when adding this into a fiction.
Male characters in these stories seem to have a rather bland personality in these stories not because of this story element but due to the misunderstanding people have about there being a limited number of ways of why women would get invested in one man other than the guy being 'kind' to them once or something. This is especially prevalent in Xianxia despite the Japan and China being places where real-life examples happened in history. Though perhaps not many 'harmonious' examples considering some ended tragically...
The first arc in the Manhwa called Cheating Men Must Die featured what goes wrong when you are too indecisive on who you want as your main wife and handling a harem completely bloody wrong.
It's not as if there aren't drawback in liking the same man that other women also fell in love with:
1. You can't have his full attention and care.
2. You have 'share' him with other women.
3. Societal rejection from being a Harem member or just having to be a concubine if he's an emperor.
4. Being 'ranked' between side girl or main girl.
Though the first two problems can be sorted just from drawing lines breaking off the relationship if the man answers that he can't be faithful to her if she asks. You can't let the Male Lead do we he wants just because he is the main character.
Societal interpersonal relationship problems are also things that someone entering a 'Harem' should be aware of, as they can't complain and act like Greek Goddesses just because of a high social standing.
The happiness of female characters entering this kind of relationship is important, but it must also be devoid of toxicity if you are going to make all the harem candidates 'best girls'. It's funny how only action-orientated Anime like Black Clover tend to do this better than actual Romance Anime even though the girls in that story only have interest in him rather than a fully-functioning official relationship.
The pitfalls people tend to fall into when writing a Harem is seeing all females as girls who are either oblivious to the opposite sex until the main character came along or straight up have no personality.
Writers should remember that in a Harem, the most fleshed out character should be the Male Lead, but even after doing that, the development of his character has to be done in different 'perspectives'.
People tend to look different depending on what angle you see them from. Some tend to focus on the heroism of the man they have interest in while others make note of the fragility he hides from others.
Either way, saying that the Harem Members only liked the Male Lead for one aspect of his personality wastes the potential of this trope. It also makes the Harem Members seem much more foolish if the quality about him they like is his 'kindness'.
The amount of genuinely kind people in the world exists in all societies and in many shapes or form.
Boiling the Male Lead's best quality into one aspect not only detracts a lot from the story, but also makes the girls seem shallow for only seeing this one thing in a human being that has different facets to him.
Splitting the things they like about him into other things and giving more genuine reasons as to why the Harem in your story would stick together is the way to go. This way, you shows different aspects of their femininity without having to keep on boiling it down to 'I like because handsome' and the Male Lead boiling down why he would even accept a harem in the first place other than 'just because'.
You could say one Harem Member loved how empathetic the Male Lead was towards animals while another one finding his courageous attitude to be refreshing. And the Male Lead too is allowed to have varying depths in his relationships between them, rather than 'true love' for each one.
The bad part about having a Harem is more than just some of them whining for attention. In fact, love might not be the basis of why the Male Lead accepts having a Harem in the first place, as it might also be because of politics or having something to gain.
Those 'in love' expect to gain equal attention and empathy from the other, but relationships formed without love could have other things that both parties are interested. To the point that 'love' might be secondary in maintaining their relationship.
Let's say that an Emperor must take a second wife not because some Noble forced him to but after thoroughly discussing it with his first wife and both of them willing to form a bond with this new member for the sake moving forward their ambitions.
This would make less second-rate relationship drama between the wife and mistress while also leaving room for another genre in the story to take centre stage instead, which could be an adventure fantasy or political drama regarding war...
You could also go all in and make it a more interesting Romance where it doesn't feel like the game is affection and the prize is the acquisition of the Male Lead's love. I'm sick and tired of reading Harems where all they do is argue about who the Male Lead's d*** belongs to for entire arcs.
It would be easier on the eyes if there was more nuance than just some childish women who didn't know what they were getting into shamelessly fighting over the D. Give them at least some self-respect and the ability to take a step back.
The Male Lead isn't the only person in the world and there are many fishes in the sea even if it doesn't work out. You can even show how those who choose to not be with him can move on after experiencing what it was like to 'fall in love' the first time.
Think long and hard about making sure you don't use Stalking for Love, Abduction as Romance, and other revolting tropes for the sake of taking literary shortcuts. Too many shortcuts can lead to characters with zero depth on their own.
Anyway, that's all I have to say
Thank you for reading.