What if?

Sachie was busy watching the television while holding Kenji. I was staring at her for awhile. Lots of questions are lingering on my mind right now. I wanted to open my mouth and ask but I don't know how to start. I don't want to seem weird for her.

"Reeve?" I'm hearing someone calling me while waving her hand in front of my face. Shoot I was caught staring at her.

"What's the matter?" She's now facing me with full attention.

"You were spacing out" Yeah I was and it felt like my face went red all of a sudden.

"Sorry..." I mumbled and made a funny face to hide my embarassment.

"Sharing is caring you know" she turned her attention to the baby first then to the television.

"Sachie--" I stopped midsentence and then closed my mouth again.

She looked at me puzzled and said "Tell me what's on your mind. Come on" she said teasingly.

"What if..."

"What?"

I wanted to ask but I know I'm afraid to hear to the answer.

"What if..." I can't seem to continue the phrase I've been formulating a while ago.

"What if Kenji's dad showed up? Will you let him get to know our baby?" Fingers crossed I wanted her to say no. If they really cared they should've been here now.

"Kenji's dad?" she paused for a while gathering her thoughts.

"Well the letter says I have the right to Kenji but I don't know. It's like he has the right but Kenji's my son now. If he cared he should have been here in the beginning. But at the same time I don't want to deprive Kenji of his rights too."

I understand her. It's just that if the dad comes along I know who has the right to be with the baby.

"Well you are Kenji's dad now right?"

I nodded. Yes I'll be his dad as long as I can. With our case right now any man that Sachie picks would be the suitable father for Kenji. Well I hope it'll be me but its still early to say because we still have a long way to go and a lot of things could happen.

"As Kenji's dad would you let him know his real father?" I gulped at her question.

"Please tell me your honest answer" she added.

"If it was me" I pointed my finger to my heart and then looked at the baby she was holding. "If it was me I know it will be selfish of me but I only want him to see me as his dad and no other man. But as you said earlier we shouldn't deprive him of his rights because I know in the future it will make him whole. You know what I mean."

She smiled gently at me. "I know..."

We were looking at each other eye to eye. We both know that it will be hard when the time comes but our greater concern will be Kenji. We'll do what's best for him.

"What if Christie comes back?" her expression turned sour at the mention of her name.

"She can come back all she wants but Kenji's my son not hers anymore. She left him in my care. She made it even legal so she has no right to complain." Whoa she's in a fight mode now. She looked at the baby on her lap and continued, "But I don't want to deprive Kenji of his right. If it will make him whole in the future who am I to stop it?"

I can sense sadness on her voice. It's not easy to be left with such a huge responsibility but she's carrying it well. She's grooming herself to be a better mother. It's like being a parent means setting yourself aside for the welfare of your children.

"What if Kenji isn't here right now. What if things were different. Have you ever thought of that?" Here am I asking questions again.

"At first I did. Maybe if this didn't happen I would've been traveling or working overseas but you know life won't be the same without him. I'm glad he's here and so are you." she placed the baby in front of her and snuggled her face on his tummy which made it laugh.

Yes I do agree that life won't be the same without them. I know sooner or later they will appear.

I can feel it...

Real soon...

12-09-18