Chapter 9: Reflections

After our trip to the beach, it was time to move on to the next part of the tour and we were now in Canada. I hadn't been to Canada since I was a kid, so I was looking forward to the sights here and the boys were excited to be somewhere new as well. We had gotten here later in the evening so we all decided to go to sleep and rest up before the next concert tomorrow.

I woke up in the middle of the night again, around 3am. It had unfortunately become a normal occurrence. I decided to take a walk outside and check out the unfamiliar Canadian sky, hoping to ease my scrambled mind. I stepped out of the door and slowly walked up a path, stopping to sit at a bench near the edge of the building we were staying in. I sighed as I took in the many stars but then I saw a light on out of the corner of my eye. The lights were on in the boys' studio area. "Who could be up right now?" I wondered out loud.

I decided to go see, thinking it might be Jungkook. I walked back into the building and down the long hall to the studio. I stopped at the door and peered into the window. To my surprise it wasn't Jungkook, it was Yoongi. I opened the door hesitantly and said, "Yoongi?" while stepping in the room. "Oh, Fay? What are you doing awake at this hour?" He asked, turning to look at me. "I was going to ask you the same thing." I said, sitting in the chair next to him. "I was just working on some lyrics for the new album." Yoongi said, looking back at the production software on the computer.

"You are still working this late at night, you're working really hard." I said, sounding concerned but encouraging at the same time. "Yeah, but it's for the group and our fans. I don't mind working so hard on it if it makes a big impact for those that hear it." He said, honestly. I smiled at his usual candor. "So, you still didn't answer my question. Why are YOU awake at this time of night?" Yoongi asked looking serious. "I don't sleep much lately, too much going on in my mind. I tend to wake up about this time most nights." I explained. "That's no good, Fay." He said, shaking his head. I shrugged.

"Tell me what's going on." He demanded in a brotherly tone. "Honestly, I'm not sure." I sighed and then continued, expressing my thoughts out loud to him. He was always so honest with me so I thought I should do the same. "I think I'm still coming to terms with my father lying to me all these years and how that was the basis of our bad relationship up until now. I'm learning how to be more confident with my voice but I don't know how to change my mindset about him." I rambled. Yoongi nodded, processing what I just said.

"Both Joon and I don't have the best relationships with our parents and while I'm not happy with how your dad lied to you, I don't think you should miss out on a relationship with him." He said. "Thanks, Yoongi. I want to have a good relationship with him too, it's just going to take sometime before I can fully trust him again." I admitted, biting my lip. "And that's perfectly okay and understandable. You know we are all here for you, right?" He said, giving me a gummy smile and a pat on the back. It was interesting seeing him in such a protective and brotherly role. "I know you guys are." I replied "Now, go back to bed and get some rest. I promise I'll go up soon too." He said, shooing me out of the studio. "You better!" I said, leaving him behind and going back to my room.

The door clicked behind me as I made my way back into our main rooms. "You were out?" Someone sitting on the couch said, making me jump. "Kookie, you scared the crap out of me." I said, putting a hand over my heart to calm the pounding. "Sorry..I was hungry so I was getting a snack." Jungkook explained. "I couldn't sleep, so I went out for some air and ran into Yoongi in the studio." I said, answering his earlier question. "He's awake too?" He asked. "Yeah, working hard on lyrics." I replied. Jungkook sighed and mumbled something along the lines of "Hyung is always working too hard."

"We should all get some rest before tomorrow." I said, nodding towards the bedrooms. "Will you go and get Yoongi to go to bed too? He promised me he would soon, but you know him." I asked Jungkook. "I can try. Yoongi-Hyung probably won't listen to me though." He said, shrugging. "I know. Thanks, Kookie. Goodnight." I said, giving him a pat on the arm and going to my room. I fell asleep easier than usual thanks to my talk with Yoongi and soon it was the morning of the concert.