Chapter 5: Where Are You

I didn't sleep much and ended up waking for good around 6 am. I walked into the kitchen like a zombie and made some coffee. It was quiet and the boys were nowhere to be seen. It was also their last performance in Texas today so they were likely all in a practice room improving their choreo.

I took my coffee to the balcony and leaned on the railing, watching the rest of the city getting up for the day. I breathed in the steam rising from my cup and absentmindedly starting singing one of my mother's favorite songs. "My heart and my soul, and anything else that you could own when your six years old. But now I'm older. Where, where, where, where? Where are you? You don't have to look out that window, anymore. You can come back to yourself, you can come back to this world. Where are you? Tell me who heard you, and where are you?" I exhaled, liking the feeling of being able to sing freely again.

Namjoon stood at the balcony door, smiling at the moment he just witnessed. "That song really suits your voice." He announced, leaning against the door frame. I spun around. "Joon.." I said, waiting for my heart to slow down. "It really did sound great." He said, striding over and standing next to me. "Funny, it was one of my mom's favorite songs but it really seems to fit the situation right now." I mused.

"So, if you haven't guessed, Jimin kind of filled us in on what's been going on." Namjoon divulged. "That meddling mochi..." I grumbled. "I just wanted to let you know that a lot of us had parents who didn't approve of our talents before we debuted. You can talk to us, since we understand." He blurted out, awkwardly looking down and rubbing his neck. "Thanks, Joonie." I said quietly as we settled into a comfortable silence before going inside.

A few seconds later some of the boys (Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok) walked in the door. "Chim..." I said lowly, in a warning tone when I spotted him. "Uh, oh." Jimin said, freezing in his spot. "You told everyone?!" I said, pulling him into a headlock. "Ow ow, okay, I'm sorry!" He yelled. "What was that?" I asked, as we were both laughing. "I'm sorry, Noona!" He said sincerely and I let him go. "That was for knowingly going behind my back.." I explained, "and this is for doing it anyway." I continued, softly kissing him on the cheek. He gave a wide eyed look but then pulled me to him, squeezing me.

"So, Fay, are we starting to convince you?" Taehyung asked. "You know, Tae, I think you might be." I admitted. "I'm beginning to realize that maybe my dad was wrong. I want to try singing more often." This response was met by grins from all four boys. "I didn't suffer a headlock for nothing then." Jimin said, laughing.

Finally the last two boys had come back. You all got into the limo to head to their last concert in Texas. They had music blasting in the car to get them hyped up for the show. This time I was periodically singing along with them. More often than not, you were happy spending time with the boys. Backstage was a crazy zone, but I loved it. Everyone was standing together ready to cheer before the boys went on stage."1, 2, 3...Bangtan!" We all yelled and they went on stage. Just like at the concert in LA, I heard the first bars of DNA.

They closed the show with Born Singer, which I knew was an emotional one for them, especially Jungkook. It meant something to me too now, I realized. I became teary-eyed as I watched from behind the curtain. They finished the song and as they came backstage, we all engulfed each other in a group hug with me and several of the boys sniffling, but also smiling.

The song was still running through my head when I called my dad later that night to let him know how things were going. It was giving me the courage to ask him something I had wanted to for 13 years. Something that had forever weighed on my mind, influencing everything.