10 My Mistake, pt. 1

Levi's pov:

I knew that I had messed up as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Tch! That whole trip was a mistake. I would never have let you join the Levisquad if I had known who you were. You're as much of a monster as your dad!"

The eyes that were full of laughter and trust earlier today, were now full of hurt and betrayal. And when those words left my mouth, I saw something in him break. Emotions had swirled in his beautiful cyan orbs, then disappeared.

Everything else had happened in a blur. I let my anger take over and then, the damage was done. He told us everything, well, not everything. Petra was the closest to Eren and she could see something we couldn't.

When I had grabbed him in hopes of him telling us the rest, I had been placed in a familiar situation. This was the second time he's put me at knife point, but I wasn't scared.

Now that I thought about it, he's never laid hands on anyone and when I went to talk to him after he knocked Grisha out, he didn't seem pleased. He said Grisha stabbed him, yet he wasn't happy about knocking him out.

He avoided zombies and people, but joined us when Erwin asked. Yeah we only knew his name, but he wasn't a threat to us. He could have killed us while we slept if he wanted to, but he didn't. That's why Erwin trusted him...

And neither Erwin or I could really judge him for killing. We were trained killers. I couldn't even recall how many I've killed while in the field and yet, here I was, throwing the word monster at him.

The walk back to camp had been tense and silent. Armin and Mikasa were waiting outside for us and they instantly noticed that Eren wasn't with us. They'd probably seen him run after us with his bag and wondered what was going on.

One look into my eyes and Mikasa could guess at what happened. I'm guessing, as Eren's childhood friends, they knew about Grisha being Eren's father, but they never said anything either. Maybe they really just didn't see why it'd matter.

Eren seemed confused at why we were so upset with him about it. We knew we were overreacting, but we had to be sure. Grisha is a dangerous man and Eren had been working with him. How could we trust that he wasn't just acting this whole time?

No... That's just an excuse. The others had realized and even I had, but I continued to push him. Petra seemed to think there was more to it and I know her enough to know that she isn't one to just guess.

After Mikasa had inferred what happened, she had rushed me and tackled me before I had time to react. I had never seen her so furious nor had I seen her harm a superior, but she was doing both. When the others went to get her off me, I halted them with my hand.

Armin placed his hand on her shoulder and I saw her eyes soften, then she was off me. The friendship between those three rivaled our own and I felt instant guilt for pushing Eren away from them.

"Where is Eren, Levi? We saw him rush out with his bag, so we followed you, but we were too far to hear what was said..." Armin says while shuffling his feet.

"Oh, I heard plenty! You called our friend a monster and looked at him like he was filth on the bottom of your feet. All of you are to blame, but Levi is the most to blame! You guys tried to fix it, but you!..." Mikasa yells, pointing a shaking finger at me.

The guilt was crashing over me in waves, because she was right... The others, Erwin. They realized that they didn't have all the information, but I was too blinded by anger and fear to notice.

Not fear of Eren's past, but fear of what could happen if I let him any closer. It was selfish and wrong, but I did it anyway. I couldn't deny that I had taken a liking to the feisty brunette and Petra knew it. That's why we quit sleeping together, in the first place.

After what Mikasa had said, a look of pain and anger passed over his face. Armin has never laid a hand on anyone and absolutely loathed violence, but here I was with a sting on my cheek from his small, clammy hand.

Holding my cheek, I look up at the normally calm and collected blonde. His little body is shaking in anger and tears are sliding down his cheeks. His reaction, made my guilt double.

I watched Erwin go to console the boy he cared for, but Armin pushes him away.

"You.. You don't know the half of what he's been through. He told you more than he's told us and we're his best friends. Mikasa is his sister. He..." Armin trails off.

Mikasa is staring at Armin with concern only friends who've seen too much, would share. What have they been through? What has Eren been through, that his own sister wouldn't even know?

We were angry about him not telling us about his past, but it wasn't just us. Why would he tell strangers his story if he hadn't even told his childhood friends and sister?

Mikasa pulls Armin away and sends us all a glare, before they head toward the lake. Erwin stands there, staring at the space where Armin was moments ago. Erwin has never, in all my years of knowing him, had his eyes on anyone, romantically.

He was like me when it came to romance. He'd find someone for the night, to relieve stress, but he'd never settled down. Now that he's finally found someone he cares about, he might lose him because I couldn't keep a level head.

"It's not just your fault, Levi... We're all to blame, myself included." Erwin says softly before taking his usual post at the entrance.

It wasn't just my fault, but I did more damage than the others and I didn't even mean anything I said. When he said he hadn't been trying to lie to us, I believed him.

He didn't deny working with Grisha and even explained why he did it. He'd proven his worth to us time and time again, so we shouldn't have doubted his loyalty for a second. There was already the threat of zombies, so we should be sticking together, not turning on each other.

I had been pulled aside by Petra, while the others walked upstairs silently, heads downcast. Petra was looking at me with those golden eyes, eyes full of understanding I didn't deserve.

She always saw the good in people. She was the bright light in the dark that our friend group needed. When we met her, she had smiled at our hard, stone, faces and stood by our side. No questions asked, she hung around us until we started opening up.

I had told her everything about my past. Why I was the way I was. And she had listened, with an understanding someone as bright and happy as her shouldn't have. She had been through hell, but her smile never dulled.

"I get why you did it... I really do, but you really messed up, Levi. You can't just push everyone away. I saw how you looked at Eren. He isn't like her, he's different." she whispers softly.

I can always count on her to tell me the brutal, honest truth. Though sweet, she doesn't sugarcoat the truth, especially when we need to hear it. You're probably wondering who the she, Petra's talking about, is, right?

Her name was Grace Thatcher and I thought she was the one... The one I could finally settle down with and start a family, but I was wrong. We were together for four years and I was finally going to ask her to marry me.

I was given permission to go home early, by my Sergeant, and I was going to surprise her. But when I got to OUR home, she wasn't alone. I didn't think much of it, because she was a beautician who worked from home.

She's had plenty of clients come over, but when I got inside I realized that wasn't the case. I found her upstairs, laying naked in OUR bed, with another man. Not just any man either.

That man was my childhood friend, Cas. Everyone called him Casanova, because he always left a path of destruction. But I was always behind him, cleaning up his messes. When I had asked him to keep an eye on her, I hadn't meant this.

They hadn't even tried to make up excuses. Grace had all her stuff packed and left with Cas that very night. I never saw either of them again, but I never forgot the betrayal.

After that, I swore to never let myself settle down with someone. One-night stands were the only relationships I dabbled in and I never had the same partner twice. I was safe though, and I'm still clean to this day.

"Levi, I'm worried about him. I'm hoping he just needed time to think, but I'm not so sure..." Petra says quietly.

I've never seen Petra look so down and lost before, but she did say Eren reminded her of her little brother. It must feel like she's losing her brother all over again... Her brother, Bo, would be nineteen, like Eren, if he was still alive today.

Petra and the rest are only two years older than Eren, while Erwin and I are 24. Eren is the youngest member to join our squad, but his experience outranked the others by a long shot. Erwin told me that Eren threw him over his shoulder first day and that's our Commander, the strongest in our group.

Hugging Petra, I run my fingers through her hazel hair silently. She's always so sure of herself, so it's worrisome that she doesn't know what Eren is doing. She knows him more than the others do, but even she's in the dark...

And she had every right to worry. It's been a week since he left and no one can find him. We all split off in groups to search the forest and even checked the cabin, but he had disappeared. Now we're all searching the town.

I pray to whatever God will listen, that he's here. He could travel a great distance in a week, so there is no guarantee that we'll even find him here. We go off in the groups we had while cleaning up the town, except Eren isn't with me anymore.

I search all the stores I think he'd be interested in, but he isn't there. The bookstore, the gas station. But there is no sign of him ever being here. Maybe he went back to the town he had talked about. He said it was near Shiganshina, which is about 150 miles from here.

That was a long trip and it would take us days to even get there. It wouldn't be ideal to be gone for that long, since we have the most battle experience. What if the camp got swarmed while we were gone?

Looking up at the sky, I realize we'd overstayed our welcome. We'd have to walk back, empty handed again. It's dangerous to be out at dark hours. It's harder to keep an eye on your surroundings, so we could risk stumbling into a herd.

But, there's still two blocks of stores left to search and I'm not leaving until we've searched them all. He has to be here!

"Captain, it's dark. We have to go..." Gunther says quietly.

"No, listen up! We've got two more blocks of stores to cover. From this point on, we'll stay together, so we can be within shouting distance. Let's get this show on the road!" I ordered.

Petra followed closely to me and started searching. This was dangerous and they knew it, but this is Eren. We, no I, ran him off so we needed to get him back.

Only one more store left. Fuck! We hesitantly walked in and... Nothing..

"Fuck!" I scream, punching the doorway harshly.

"Shh.. Be quiet for a second." Petra mutters.

I look at her like she's crazy and quiet myself. How is she acting so calm right now? Then, I heard it. The moaning and groaning of dead-heads. The smell of rot was nearby, but not suffocatingly close.

Petra and I shared a look before heading towards the sounds, the others following behind. It only sounded like a few, so killing them was the best option. Peaking around the corner, I saw three zombies banging at a door to a store I hadn't noticed before.

It was what looked to be a bar, tucked in a crevice. Why were the zombies pawing at the door? Could Eren be in there? Petra must have shared the same thoughts, because she rushed the zombies.

I hadn't seen Petra fight in awhile. She was so graceful and fluent in the oriental arts. She carried a beautiful silver katana, with purple roses embedded in the shiny metal. None of us know how she's so skilled with it.

That was the one thing she never talked about. She told us very little of her family and heritage, but it was easy to tell that this was a skill she had been perfecting for years. She dispatched the zombies quickly.

When I went to open the door, it wouldn't budge. The zombies were pawing at a locked door, which means someone living is in here. Maybe Eren—

"Let's check if there's a back entrance. We're gonna have to stay here for the night, so it wouldn't be smart to kick the door down if we don't have to." Petra says.

I can hear the hope in her voice and it matches my own. The others are all sharing the same, hopeful look and I really hope he's here... I don't want to see the crushed looks on their faces if he's not.

Luckily there is a back entrance in the alley, that leads to a little storage room connected to the bar. The others set to work at blocking the door, while Petra and I rush inside. I can hear my heart beat rushing in my ears.

Hearing a gasp, I look over at Petra's, well PETRAfied, face. Sorry, I had to, but now isn't the time. When I see what has her so upset, my heart nearly stops. We rush to where Eren is leaning against the bar.

We don't have a full view of his condition, but he's surrounded by broken bottles and shards of glass. I can see the small puddle of red around him. Before we can check on him, we need to get rid of the glass.

Petra found a broom in the corner and swept the glass and broken bottles to the side. By now, the others had made it inside and were taking in the sight. Now that the glass was out of the way, we can see what we're dealing with.

I kneel next to Eren and turn his body towards me, instantly paling as I catch sight of the blade in his side. I did this to him... I feel Petra's hand massage my shoulders as I lay him flat on the floor.

It's not safe to remove the knife or he'll bleed out before morning. I can still hear him breathing faintly, but it is too faint for my liking. How is he still alive? From the looks of it, he could have alcohol poisoning, along with his injured side.

But, with the knife still in the wound, there couldn't be that much blood. What caused the puddle of blood? I'm pushed away by Petra as she carefully removes his sweatshirt. The shirt stuck to his skin with blood soaked into the material.

I hear her whimper and look at where her sights are set, on his arms. What the fuck! Based on Petra's reaction, she isn't the least bit surprised so she must've known. She took a bottle of water from his bag and started dumping it over the cuts, rinsing away the dried blood.

If the blood has dried that means this was done awhile ago. He was gone for a week, so who knew how long he's been in this condition. She pulls bandage wrap from his bag and starts wrapping his arms. The cuts covered his arms completely, except two tattoos I've never noticed before.

How I could not have noticed them while he laid naked in front of me, is beyond me. I was so focused on my lust that I didn't really see him.

"Levi, I need you to focus! Be the Captain I know you are and help me. You've wrapped plenty of wounds while serving, so tell me what to do..." she says with tears falling down her cheeks.

The others are terrified, she's terrified, but she's trying to put on a brave face. These are serious injuries and Eren could very well die at any moment. I need to stop being so emotional and be the Captain they need right now!

"Oluo, find a bowl or something to put clean water in. Petra look for some clean rags and alcohol, if there's any left. Eld and Gunther, I'm going to ask something of you, but you have every right to say no."

"We're with you, Captain. Whatever it is, we'll do it!" Eld's determined voice says, while Gunther nods in agreement.

"It's dangerous, but I need you guys to go back to camp and tell Erwin what's going on. No one else can know until we get him back safely. Tell Erwin we'll head back at first light. Hopefully, everyone will still be asleep, so we can sneak him upstairs." I say.

They nod and leave through the front door. I hope I didn't just send them to their death's. Erwin told me Eren's concerns about the lack of zombie activity. It would be bad if they ran into a horde of that capacity, but I have to focus right now.

I grab a flashlight and open Eren's eye, shining the light on it and checking for any dilation. No response at all... Putting my head to his chest, I hear the faint thump of his heartbeat, but I could hear it stutter occasionally.

We needed to find some sewing supplies and wiring, so I could remove the knife and sew the wound properly. Leaving the knife in there may stifle the flow, but it was still causing more harm than good.

I look down at the wound and cringe at it's location. The blade is right in the middle of his Phoenix tattoo, the place Grisha stabbed him... Okay, so that means he missed any organs. Grisha was a doctor, so he knew how to stab someone and not hit anything important.

The other two returned with the stuff and I turned to them. They were scared, but they still had that determined look in their eyes. They would do whatever it took.

"I need you guys to find a store that has sewing supplies. Grab some different sized needles, wired thread, and a lighter. Also, see if you can find any antibiotics, but stay together."

They're out the door in a matter of seconds. I dipped the rag in the bowl of water and start wiping down his chest and stomach, being careful to avoid the wound. Now that I have time to actually look at him, I see the faint scars on his sun-kissed skin.

There are small scars, that look like puncture holes, along his sides. Long, thin scars that wrap around his torso. They're so old and faded that you wouldn't notice them unless you knew what you were looking for.

I run my fingers through his soft, brown hair and sigh. I did this to him and I don't know if we'll ever get him back. Even if he survives, we broke his trust and shunned him, so it's doubtful he'll ever trust us again.

Eren doesn't give trust freely or often and that just makes losing it all the more heartbreaking. The others rush back in with everything they could find, along with gauze pads and medical tape. I didn't even think of that.

I pick one of the larger, sharper needles and put it under the flame of a lighter. Once I deem it ready, I thread it with the wire they found. I'm not a professional nor is this ideal, but my experience is all we've got. I doubt Grisha would feel inclined to help.

Now to remove the blade... I wrap my hand around the hilt and slowly pull it out, careful to not make it worse. It slides from his skin easily and a fresh round of blood starts to flow from the opened wound.

Petra's there with a clean rag to apply pressure while I get the alcohol ready. When she pulls the rag away, I dump alcohol over the wound and get to work on stitching it together. My hands are cover in his warm blood, making my hands slippery, but I managed.

Once the wound was stitched, Petra applied an ointment to the wound, then added the large gauze pad. I used the bandage wrap, to secure it in place and wrapped it around his slim stomach. When the tape was put over the wrap, we all let out a sigh of relief.

Only time would tell if we got to him in time, but we did what we could. His breathing was getting better, but he was still completely unresponsive. Even while removing the knife, he made no move or sound.

We all sat around his still form, watching his chest rise and fall. He was alive... Though we were all exhausted, none of us got any sleep. I didn't want to take my eyes off him for one second, in fear that if I looked back, his chest would be unmoving.