3 Chapter Three

''Nick No... that’s enough, can we please pay and go home my feet are killing me.'' I was dragging my feet behind Nick and the trolley at a grocery store. The trolley was now full with grocery, but Nick wouldn't stop shopping, he kept going to different aisle and stuffing everything he could come across inside the trolley. I fell asleep in the car on our way back home and when I woke up, we were at small shopping centre. I didn't even want to know why we were here because Nick is always persistent and won't listen to a word I say when it comes to feeding me.

''Zizwe you're my girlfriend and I don't know how many times I have to keep telling you that it's my responsibility to make sure that you have food and cosmetics all the time''. Nick said while turning left with his stacked trolley heading to the meat section. ''And right now Zizwe I don't want to hear anything that's coming out of your mouth because you've been starving yourself and that's not good for your health, look at you Zizwe you've lost weight again and I just won't tolerate that at all love.''

People were now gaping at us as he was causing a scene at the store, he didn't even bother to turn around to see if I was still following behind. He was just busy stacking trays of meat in the trolley and the damn thing was full. God I was so embarrassed, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but Nick was really overdoing it. I know that girls my age find this romantic when their boyfriends spend money on them but to me it was embarrassing because I valued my independence even though I was downright broke and if his got mom a glimpse of us now, I know I'd never hear the end of it.

By the time we were done shopping my ears were ringing from Nick 's wrath and shouting but I was grateful in the end since he had yet again saved me from stressing about food in the house at least now all I had to worry about was my mom coming back home. Nick bought us ice creams on our way back home, which turned out to be a very bad idea because I ended up messing up his leather car seats with the melting ice cream and my vest top also got stained as well causing me to be awkward all the way because I now looked like a kid who lacks eating manners.

''If it makes you feel that bad babe, why don't you just take that vest off he said taking his eyes off the road for a moment, I knew he meant it in a good way but being half naked inside a car with him didn't sound right to me. ''So, you mean I should stay half naked in the car while there are other people on the road who might see me?'' I retorted giving him my best I am serious look. He just laughed at me and I think I heard him say ''My virgin Mary ''. under his breath.

For what it's worth I kept telling myself that soon he would swallow his words because I was planning on giving him a show, I knew Nick well enough to know that he would try and stop me once I told him that I was ready to take our relationship to the next level, my mom's condition didn't really make things easier for me.

I didn't really get the chance to enjoy my childhood because I had to take care of her most of the time, even though she always insisted I go out there and live life I was constantly scared to leave her side besides, I had to work to put food on the table most of the time. When Nick and Natasha noticed that things were hard for us at home and my odd jobs weren't even helping, they started helping. At first, I was ashamed that they had to help me feed my mom but as time went on, it just became a normal thing to do for them, I suppose the fact that they had money made it easier for them to look after me and Ma also, they considered her family since we all grew up together.

When I got stuck in my own head, I would always wonder why I had to experience such difficulties at such a young age, my school days were not easier either, I couldn't wait until I finished my matric and start working, now I'm all grown up but still things haven't changed one bit instead they keep getting worse, I thought perhaps if my father were here things would have been better and maybe Ma would still be in good shape or if my sister hadn't disappeared maybe she would be helping out and giving me advice about my current relationship with Nick and his mom who harboured so much hate for me, I feared she would try and kill me one day.

I was startled from my thoughts when Nick came behind me in the kitchen counter, we were busy packing up the groceries so he could go and see his dad, he has always been a sneaky one even from our childhood. Ma once banned him from coming to see me because one time when we were fifteen, he came inside my room through a window not that it had been hard for him, since we lived in a shack at that time so sneaking in was quite an easy task for him, but we were not allowed to see each other since I was failing miserably on my studies and Ma though it was because of my crush for Nick that made me lose my senses.

Nick wrapped his arms around me from behind and started rubbing my arms up and down in a slow soothing motion while he bent his head down my neck. I could feel his warm breath tickling my neck and Goosebumps forming on my skin. ''What's bothering you babe, you know I don't like it when you space out like that.'' He kept placing soft kisses on my collarbone and I just couldn't concentrate once he started touching me that way, the only sentence I could form was ''hmm''.

I heard him chuckling before he quickly turned me around facing him and bending his head to my level and connected our lips in a breath-taking kiss, my hands automatically went to grab the shirt that covered his muscular chest, God this guy was so manly he could just make my knees turn into jelly by a simple kiss. His breathing became erratic and I felt him start to grow, pressing into my stomach and I was brought back to my senses, I started to tear our lips apart trying to catch my breath and clear my head.

'' I'm not going to do anything rush Zizwe! I respect your decision remember...I just missed you and want to...God You know what. Let's just forget this and continue with the packing, I'm sure you're tired anyway and need to get some rest''

''Nick... stop'' I tried to say.

''No babe its fi...''

''Just stop and listen to me for once Nick, I've been meaning to talk to you about...'' he didn't let me finish my sentence though, I guess he was tired of me leading him on all the time and then next thing I back up but this time what he didn't know was that I had made up my mind and wanted this to happen.

''It's fine babe you don't have to explain yourself and I don't want to rush you to do anything when you're not ready and uncomfortable okay''. He was now bending down in the cupboard to store the last box of cereals he bought for me, I honestly don't know why he always insists on buying them for me because I never eat them instead, they keep piling in the cupboards until I have to give them to my neighbour’s kids next door, cereals are just not my thing. I grew up eating soft porridge with milk or peanut butter up until now and I don't think I'll change that anytime soon since it's also my mom's favourite meal of the day. I bent down and touched his shoulder attempting to calm him down.

''I'm ready''. I said looking him straight in the eye. That made him stop immediately and face my direction.

''What! Zizwe I... babe I didn't mean to pressure you okay it's just that I'm a guy and whenever I'm around you I can't control myself, but I would honestly feel bad if you did this because you feel like you're being pressured or have to pay me back...I love you babe and I promised I would wait''. I had to cut him from all that rumbling so I connected our lips again in swoosh kiss and he responded immediately, I was still bending to his level but that soon changed as soon as Nick got on his feet with our lips still attached, he grabbed the back of my thighs to pick me up. My legs went to wrap around his torso while he led us to my bedroom and gently laid me down on my horrible bed.

The kiss was very heated, and Nick's hands were roaming all over my body which was all hot and new to me, Nick kept kissing and sucking at my neck and I found my shivering at the new feeling my body was experiencing. I was scared and excited at the same time since I had never done anything like this before but I was also feeling ashamed because all of this new intimacy level was done under my mother's roof, my body refused to listen to me, however my logical mind took over and I gave Nick a gentle push making him remove his scorching lips on my neck I'm sure I had hickeys now judging by the way he kept latching his lips and teeth in my neck. I have to admit though the feeling of being In Nick's arms like that drove me crazy and senseless, I certainly had to do it again, now I kind of understood what Natasha had meant all this time when she told me about her sexual adventures even though I always refused to listen to her, I really didn't want to hear all those gross details about her private adventures.

''Thank you''. Nick bent down to kiss my neck and a soft peck on the forehead.

''This means a lot to me babe... ''. I placed my small fingers on his now swollen lips to shut him up.

''I'm ready to take things to the next level babe and I really feel selfish for making you wait all this time, but we can't do it here and now, I would like to wait until Ma's back from the hospital. It just doesn't feel right now". I entwined our fingers and gave them a gentle squeeze which earned me another long kiss on the lips.

''You don't have to explain yourself to me my love, I totally understand, and Ma will kill me if I deflower you under her roof, she will make me buy all different kinds of animals to cleanse her house'''. We both burst out in laughter at that. ''besides, I would like your first time to be memorable and pleasant, something that will bring a smile to you always when you think about it, taking your virginity at your house is not on my to do list.

Once again, I found myself in an empty house all alone with my thoughts, feeling scared and lonely. I live in very dangerous Township; people here die like ants and nobody is doing anything about it. We have thieves that don't bother to stand in the streets to find their prey, all they simply do is get into people's houses in the middle of the night with guns and knives demanding phones, jewellery, or plasma TV's if you're fortunate enough to own one but unfortunately at my house we have no such things. Our television was struck by lightning several times that we just didn't bother to fix it anymore, we only had a small radio that we've been using way before my dad left so who would want that, my cell phone was of no use as well since it was just an old phone that had no significance, I mean the damn thing always has a hard time catching a signal and it became even worse when there was a cell phone tower installed in the area. My phone literally went dead after that so whenever I'm receiving a call, I have to walk around all over the place to catch a signal not forgetting the crashed speakers so I mean what would a thief do with such a useless device. That left me I suppose, I had to worry about myself because there was a high possibility that I would get raped, kidnapped, or worse killed because these guys are now smoking really heavy substances and you could never predict what is running in their minds when they're high.

Nick left earlier to see his father, he said they had important matters they had to attend to, not that I wanted him to babysit me. He had important things to do and a family business to run, after all his father had promised that he would soon be in charge of everything since he was getting old and wanted to spend more time at home with his spiteful wife, I really didn't understand how such a sweet man could survive in the company of that vile woman. I promised Nick that I would give him a call if anything drastic happened since he had a hard time leaving me all by myself.

Natasha also gave me a call earlier promising to come and see us tomorrow since she couldn't make it today due to work. I was left with nothing else to do but to call it a night, I tried reading my novels, but my mind was just to occupied with a lot of things I couldn't concentrate, I even tried to log on my favourite book site, but the stupid phone kept shutting down telling me to reboot it. Reboot my foot! I got mad and started thinking about my mother, I missed her so much. She would be telling me stories about her family and her childhood growing up with her siblings but then today she wasn't here with me so I went to bed praying for a better tomorrow, but I didn't forget to take my umbrella with me, placing it next to my pillow in case I had unwelcome visitors during the night.