6 Chapter 6: She and Her

A flash of light woke Kousei into his senses. The great shadow of Mount Fuji loomed over them as the bullet train pressed on towards the nation's capital. The gleam of reflected sunlight coming from Tokyo's skyline can be seen from a distance. They were nearing their destination as he realized that it wasn't the actual rays of light coming from the sun that lit the horizon. Artificial lights coming from the large metropolis made it look like dawn was nearing. But that was impossible since the sun only rises late in the dead of winter. He actually managed to fall asleep back in Osaka.

"It was just a dream.. a very vivid dream..", pondered Kousei while peering through the window. "She was clear as day.. It felt very real.. I wish it was real.."

"Rise and shine, sleepy head..", Watari said, almost knocking Kousei off his seat in surprise, again. He awoke as soon as the train stopped. He must have had this sixth sense of automatically sleeping through movement and waking up at halting since birth.

Kousei was surprised on how quickly the passengers got their luggage and filled the aisle with lines going to the exit. "I guess I'm not used to living the fast paced life of Tokyo anymore. It had been a while since I last got here."

"Kousei, you're not going yet?..", Watari asked, probably a little excited to go out.

"The lines are long. Let's wait it out..", Kousei replied coldly. Watari just nodded and sighed right after as a response.

Thinking about what he just dreamt again, Kousei once more looked out the window, staring at a distance beyond the busy Shibuya station. He couldn't get his mind off it. It really felt like she was there, waiting for him to move and meet her. It actually made him rub his nose a bit just to make sure her shoe really didn't hit him. After almost four years since the scenery around him took color when he met her, he was still very much madly in love with her.

"And then there is Emi..", Kousei's thoughts shifted back to the present. "I'm really being unfair to her. Yes, we like each other, but is that it? Am I in love with Emi the same as her? I don't know.. What are we anyway?"

"Oi Kousei, zoning out again?..", Watari said while he nudged his best friend at the same time.

"Nothing. I was just thinking about Emi..", Kousei answered.

"What about her?"

"I'm having trouble thinking what we really are."

Watari stared at Kousei for a while before letting out a chuckle.

Kousei stared at him in confusion. "What's funny?"

"Finally, something we can get along with, buddy..", replied Watari.

"I'm not like you..", Kousei replied plainly.

"Of course not! I'm awesome."

"Idiot.."

"Oi.. but yeah.. labels are a drag, you know. But you just called her your girlfriend."

"Which she heartlessly denied."

Watari was silenced for a while. He put his hand on his chin as if he was really thinking. He closed his eyes and let out a sigh as if he was burdened with the problem as well. "I guess one of you isn't just about ready to commit."

"Oh it's definitely not me. I've been going out with her and her alone since the spring before second year..", Kousei said with a little bit more enthusiasm.

"That might be the case, but it's really not that you're ready to commit or not. She's just not into sharing your heart with someone else."

Kousei felt like he just got impaled by something big and invisible like an Ethereal Dai-Katana after what Watari just said. "That's painfully true. I couldn't be with someone and in love with another. Emi deserved better."

And that was why Kousei immediately stood up and fell in line to go out. It was time to look for answers within himself, so he could finally move forward.

"Kousei..", Watari called.

"What?..", asked Kousei.

"Your luggage..", answered Watari with a blank face while he pointed up towards the overhead compartment.

Kousei panicked a little, realizing that he forgot his belongings with all the rushing. He went back to get it, anyway. Watari took his too almost painfully as if he really wasn't in the mood to move yet. Kousei did tell him to wait out the lines first, so he probably got settled on relaxing first. Now, Kousei was dragging him out.

"He must feel like he was with Tsubaki, or Ka.. Keiko instead of a guy friend like me with all this impulsiveness..", thought Kousei with an awkward smirk.

Suddenly, a familiar song played out in the cabin as the passengers exited. This time, it wasn't a classical piece like the one in Osaka, but a pop song.

"Wait.. is this the Million's song from that popular commercial before?..", asked Kousei excitedly.

"Yeah, why?..", asked Watari back while they slowly walked in line towards the exit.

"I can't believe it's still playing after four years upon release..", Kousei said before humming with it. He smiled at the thought of remembering precious memories from it before. "I remember transcribing this song for some karaoke after our classes in junior high.."

"So that's what you were doing while me and Tsubaki were on the field. That's actually pretty cool..", Watari said before chuckling a bit.

"Those were good times, you know."

"Yeah, buddy. Good times."

Just hearing this song got Kousei into something that was somehow eerily strange. He thought about it carefully. There was something about the approach towards Tokyo that made him feel more than nostalgic. "Why do I get this impression that something's going to happen all over again?"

As soon as the two friends' turn to exit came up, Watari jumped off to the platform. He spun facing Kousei with arms open as if he was about to present a show. "Arima Kousei-san!", he called out loudly.

"What the hell are you doing?..", Kousei asked in embarrassment. He thought as well. "I should've said that I didn't know him."

"Welcome home..", added Watari with a big smile on his face.

The gesture actually made Kousei smile.

He had to admit that it did feel good to be home. "Touching.. Now get out of the way, Watari..", said Kousei while giving Watari a friendly nudge.

As they walked towards the exit of the station itself, a blonde girl overtook Kousei, nudging him almost to a fall. "Is it her?..", no. Kousei realized that it wasn't her the moment she looked at him to apologize.

While Kousei continued walking, another blonde entered the station as she looked for something in her shoulder bag. Her hair was covering her face while she looked down. But again, he realized that it wasn't her the moment she looked up.

Suddenly, a black cat sat right outside of the exit. It was staring straight through Kousei. Its gaze seemingly pierced through his soul. "Is this an omen of things to come?..", the urge of chasing after it sunk in. But the moment he stepped forward, it ran away.

"This is wishful thinking..", pondered Kousei as he followed the small black critter with his gaze. "She's been dead for quite a while now.. It was just a dream. What am I thinking?"

Come to think of it, there was an exceptional abundance of blondes in Tokyo that day. Kousei actually saw around a couple or more on the way outside. And one of them was Seto Koharu, his teacher's daughter.

"Oniii-chaaaaan!!..", a little blonde child called out as she charged towards Kousei. As soon as he was about to hug that little ball of a kid, she evaded him and went straight to Watari. She hugged him tightly as he went down on one knee to give her a hug as well. Then, she hid behind him and looked at Kousei as if he was a stranger.

"Don't get your hopes up, Kousei. This time, I get the blonde..", Watari joked as he put his hand on Koharu's head, messing her hair a bit.

Kousei tilted his head with a sarcastic smile before he bent down to talk to Koharu. "I guess you don't remember me, little one, huh? You've grown a lot. It's me, Kousei.."

"Yeah Kousei, there's no way she'd recognize you. You've been gone for almost three years. She was two turning three back then..", Watari pointed out.

"And you've grown your hair..", a very familiar voice spoke behind Kousei right before he turned to see who it was. A short haired woman, wearing red lipstick and rugged clothes, stood behind him. She was very beautiful and looked younger than her age.

"Seto-san..", muttered Kousei with a faint smile.

"That's Hiroko-san for you, kiddo..", answered Hiroko, frowning, which eventually changed into a somewhat bittersweet smile. "Come here, rockstar..", she added as Kousei approached her to give her a long and tight hug. "Wow, you've grown. You're taller than me now..", she continued as she broke the hug to have a good look at her adopted son with her eyes tearing up.

"And you still smell like cigarettes..", Kousei answered with a little bit of concern about her smoking.

"Why does this scene look familiar?..", thought Kousei while he looked at his adoptive mother and teacher with an endearing expression. "This happened before."

"Hiroko-sama..", Watari intruded, standing stiffly like a soldier.

"Yes, Watari-kun?..", Hiroko asked.

"What about me? Where's my hug?..", Watari begged, almost pleading but not really moving from his position. They all stared at him with a drop of sweat behind their heads. Hiroko just simply smiled and did hug him. It made Watari turn as red as her lipstick. She was Watari's big crush after all.

"Thank you for bringing back my son..", acknowledged Hiroko right before she broke the hug with a smack on his cheek, leaving a kiss mark. It seemed to make Watari launch into the air with his nose bleeding a little.

"Anything for you, Hiroko-sama!..", Watari said as he stood up stiffly like a soldier again after crashing to the ground.

"Now I get why he was so determined in getting me to go home..", thought Kousei while squinting at his best friend.

The ride going home in Hiroko's car was pretty much reminiscing the old days for Kousei. It was like seeing himself growing up from childhood to middle school all over again. Every landmark was a scene in a film where he was the lead character. He could see himself playing with Tsubaki in the playground. Then, passing by the beach made him see Watari and himself and some other friends being made to run by Tsubaki for some weird boot camp.

And then, there was the cafe. And inside it, the piano was still there, that "happy piano" where she made Kousei play "twinkle, twinkle, little star" with some kids. She was a baker's daughter, but she still ordered something so sweet there. "I don't remember what it was, but she swooned in revelry after tasting it."

Next up was passing by the bakery, "Ma Fille", which meant "my daughter". Kousei could never imagine the pain of losing their only daughter. He hoped they got more blessings after that. "They deserved better..", he thought. And there were freshly baked caneles displayed. That must be their specialty now since she loved them so much. The place looked bigger now too. Business must've been good recently.

After a few minutes, a very familiar landmark towered over them. It was Towa Hall. Almost the entirety of Kousei's life was dedicated to perform in this place. He remembered playing for the first time here when he was five. Emi did feel his music there as she bawled right after he performed, and "her" also. Only she was more discreet. "I've never thought we would be performing here together to present something unforgettable. It was the place where I found myself again."

And then, a familiar looking dome in the middle of the park outside Towa emerged as the car accelerated. It looked very different with all the snow, but Kousei knew very well what it was. He could still see her dancing on top of it while playing that melodica. Children, and even pigeons, were so enticed by her. She even called him a pervert and a camera voyeur for taking a picture while her dress blew up at the worst possible time. "This was the place where I first met her on that day in April.. It's beginning now.. The questions are being answered.. Closed wounds are reopened.. The pain is relived.. I am still not over her.."

Kousei was brought back to reality when the car stopped. The stoplight was at red. When he looked outside again, his eyes widened upon realizing where they were. The same black cat was sitting on the sidewalk, staring at him again. "But wait, it couldn't be since the train station was a few miles away."

"Hiroko-san, drop me off here..", Kousei said, shocking everyone in the car.

"Wait, what? Don't you want to settle down at home first?..", Watari asked as he was asleep right before Kousei asked to be dropped off.

"Alright. But what about your luggage?..", Hiroko asked.

"Leave it in the trunk. I'll just get it when I get home..", Kousei replied.

"Okay. Have a nice day at school? I guess?..", Hiroko said, gesturing towards the landmark outside, Sumiya Middle School.

"Thank you for picking us up, Hiroko-san. See you later at home."

"Oi Kousei! Wait, I'm coming too.. Thank you for the ride, Hiroko-sama..", Watari added as he hurriedly went off to catch up with Kousei.

"I just have to see it for myself..", pondered Kousei again while he walked towards his former school. "But again.. the cat's gone. Am I imagining things?"

Their junior high school did not really change that much. The railings still looked like they were about to tarnish. The walkways leading to the entrances were still filled with dried leaves. The walls were of the same monotonous yellowish color. And yes, Watari was right. The window of the music prep room was still broken. The students wore the same uniform that gave Kousei the feeling he should've worn his.

"Wait. There are students. Oh yeah, it's December 25, Christmas. It's the last day of class before winter break. She must be here..", Kousei wished. "No, that's wishful thinking."

It was still early in the morning, so most of the students were in class. Watari and Kousei just walked around the halls being nostalgic and joked about the hilarious things they did before. Every now and then they would see familiar faces, their teachers, and say hi to them.

Suddenly, Kousei's heart skipped a beat when a blonde student went out of a classroom door to probably go to the restroom. He chased after her before Watari could stop him.

"Excuse me..", Kousei interrupted the girl.

"Yes?..", she replied as she turned around. She did look like her from behind, or it was the uniform. She was pretty, but it wasn't her. And she did not look like her at all.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else..", Kousei answered as he looked at her face.

Then, the blonde girl scowled at Kousei for some reason. She gave him that familiar conspicuous look.

"Pervert..", she said before she about faced again to walk. Kousei could hear Watari's muffled laughter from a distance.

The two old friends continued walking around campus just to let time pass. More familiar faces greeted them. Maintenance crew, clinic personnel, more teachers and kitchen crew all asked them how they were.

And then, they arrived at the rooftop. For some reason, Kousei felt he had a lot of significant memories in places like these. This was the place where he first saw her cry. She begged him to be her accompanist here. During that time, he didn't know why she wanted him to accompany her in a competition that badly. Well, he eventually found out in the most inconvenient of all times, when she was gone.

"Kousei..", Watari called out, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?..", asked Kousei.

"You know what time it is?"

"It's 11:56 in the morning."

"It's almost lunch break."

"So?"

"Students are gonna come out. Wanna scout some chicks?"

Kousei frowned at the thought. Sure he was attracted to the opposite sex, but he wasn't like Watari. Besides, someone already called him a pervert earlier. He didn't want to creep anyone out anymore. But he still went with it. They did spot a few, but mostly were too young for their taste.

However, what Kousei did spot was the abundance of blonde haired girls in the school. Suddenly, he realized that the coincidence in the picture Watari showed him might not be such a coincidence at all.

It felt like Kousei had been hoaxed. Whether it was the football team or the drama club getting their picture taken in the open grounds, the likelihood of a girl that resembled her photo bumming in the background was high. But he didn't really feel like pointing this out to Watari. It was more troublesome than beneficial to him. He was too tired from the trip to do some pseudo ghost hunting.

"I think I had enough for the day, Watari..", said Kousei with a fatigued sigh.

"You sure? I was planning to go see the current team too..", Watari replied with a little bit of disappointment in his tone. "You might wanna check the music room out while we're here."

Thinking of being in the music prep room again made Kousei's heart skip a beat. It used to be his second home after all. For three years, he holed himself in there almost everyday after class. In most days, he just laid down on the floor and stared at the grand piano in the middle of the room. But he did not touch it until his final year in middle school. Come to think of it, it was in that room last he heard her voice.

"Nah.. maybe some other day. I'd like to get some rest. I really am tired from the trip..", Kousei half lied. The truth was he wasn't ready to go see the music room yet. "Let's take it one step at a time.."

Translation Notes:

Ethereal Dai-Katana - basically a Japanese long sword that is otherworldly. In this case, Kousei used it to imagine him being pierced by it to compare the pain he felt after Watari's straightforwardness.  

Featured Music:

Million's song - it's actually the fictional name of "Hikaru Nara" by the J-pop/rock band Goose House. The song was the anime series' first opening song, and is arguably the most memorable one of the series itself. It was actually played twice partially during the first episode of the anime series.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star - a very popular English lullaby with the lyrics based on Jane Taylor's poem, and Mozart's melody. However, it was only briefly mentioned in this chapter with Kousei reminiscing the events of the third episode of the anime series where Kaori forced Kousei to play the piano for some children in a cafe.