1 Acceptance
Love has no boundaries. Even if you hate it nor you'll run away, it keeps on chasing you. I never know someone like me can be loved by someone like you. Well, I guess I don't have a choice but to fall in love with you too.
It's been a week since I'm locking myself in this room of mine. Cans of beer, crumpled papers, dirty clothes everywhere, even I, thinking myself as a trash that there's no place to belong with.
My vision is blurry now as tears falling down from my eyes and drops on the phone screen as I opened my Instagram account.
"Are you f*cking kidding me? You two are so happy. Look at those smiles."
(chuckles)
If this feeling that I feel right now is hell, I don't wanna be drag on it.
It hurts so much. I can't bear it anymore.
I f*cking hate my life do y'all know that? I'm too tired to deal my own sh*t in this world. It seems that the whole world is not on my side. It's just that... things don't work for me as it is. I was betrayed in love, got kick out in my job, failed on my dreams, failed in everything!
But now, I finally have the guts to leave this place, to leave this reality and to end my suffering.
So... I gathered the courage...
I slowly opened the door of my room so that my parents won't hear that I'm going to leave the house right now.
But.. the plan f*cked up.
"Finally, you came back to your senses now?" sarcastically asked by my father.
"...."
"Look at yourself. You look miserable.
You got a job, a better career and everything but you destroyed it all. What's wrong with you?"
"Why can't you just say that your son is also stupid? No one needs to be blame but only myself. I'm such a failure! Your son is such an idiot."
"I don't know what I'm going to do with you anymore."
*sigh*
I didn't answer him instead I walk straight in the door when I bumped into my mother.
"Son, where are you going? Let's eat lunch first. It's been so long since we've sat down and have meals together."
"Just let him be. Don't tolerate your son's behavior. He's grown up now he knows what he's doing."
"Thank you." I said while looking at them. This is the last time I'm going to see their faces.
I leave immediately without knowing where exactly I should go.
I'm just following my feet wherever it takes me. It's like it has it's own will.
---
The steps I made feels like forever.
But then, it took me to a place where I can feel at peace.
A lake.
I stood at the side of the lake.
The cool air that blows and touches my skin makes me feel more alone and miserable. I feel like the world is laughing at me.
I want to rest now.. for good. I'm just tired of everything.
Everything...
*sigh*
I closed my eyes.
"Goodbye e--
"Do you really have to do this?"
I freaked out when I hear a voice coming from behind so I barely managed to balance my body. I'm going to fall into the water!
This stranger grab my back and pull my body against him.
"How about your family, don't you feel sorry for them?" he said.
F*ck. He's so close I can feel his breath. My left hand pounding his chest makes me possible to feel his heartbeat.
"The pain that you feel right now will not disappear once you died but you'll also end up hurting the ones who love you the most. It doesn't look cool at all." he added while pressing my body more into him.
Our eyes met.
*thump *thump*
I pushed him with all my strength left that made him almost fall into the ground.
"And who do you think you are to mind my own problems? You! You know what-"
"What?"
"If you're on the same shoe with me you'll probably do the same thing!" I yelled at him.
"Well, I don't think so. Someone said to me don't let your shadow haunt you, only cowards are running away in their own shadows. You don't have to end everything. You can decide your own fate."
"You act like you know me."
"No I'm not. I'm just sick of seeing an incident like this almost everyday. Like dude I'm so tired of it."
"Screw you." I murmured.
"Keep fighting, something big might happen soon."
"..."
"Please keep on living."
The strange man walked away leaving me stunned like what the f*ck just happened?
The strange guy suddenly lost in my vision.
----
I realized I just keep on walking...
On walking...
Walking...
Nobody cares about me. Nobody asks if I'm okay. The only one friend I have has gone for good. That b*tch.
*sigh*
until I didn't notice that I'm here already, standing in front of our house. My mom saw me as soon as she opened the door. She walk towards me and held my hand.
....
"How about your family, don't you feel sorry for them? You can decide your own fate. Please keep on living."
Argh.. Not again.. That guy I met earlier he keeps popping on my mind. Why do I keep thinking about him? I don't even know who he is.
"Yeol? Are you okay?" my mom asked me continuously.
"Yes, yes I'm fine. I'm sorry if I keep worrying you."
"No, don't be sorry. I'm your mother. I know something's bothering you, I'm just waiting for you to tell me because I respect you and your decisions. You know that you can talk to me right? I will always here to listen."
"Okay mom, I'm sorry.. I'm so sor-.." I can't finish what I'm saying because tears keep flowing down from my eyes.
"Sshhh.. It's okay. It's okay my son. Now, can I ask you to come with me in the market? You can refuse if you don't want to. It's okay."
"No mommy. I can go. I mean, we can go. Together." I said happily to my mother.
"Okay then, but first get some bath because uhm.. you stink. Really." she said while laughing.
"I'm sorry mom I'm going to take a bath now. Wait for me."
I smelled myself when I was in the bathroom oohhh I really smell like sh*t. This is so embarrassing.
After taking a bath, I went downstairs. My mom is waiting for me. She saw me and smiled wholeheartedly.
I can see in my mom's eyes that she is very happy. My heart filled with so much emotions right now that I couldn't stop but to cry and cry. But.. right now, I'm crying because I am happy.
"But when did you become such a crybaby?" my mom teased me.
"No. I'm not." I strongly disagreed while wiping my tears away.
And we laughed and laughed in the car along the way to the market.
We buy all the stuffs that mom needs.
"Is there a celebration happening on our house?" I confusedly ask my mother.
"No. Why? Are you gonna invite some of your friends? It's okay go ahead invite anyone you want."
"It's okay."
"By the way, why don't you ask Cindy to come over for dinner tonight? She never calls me this past few days. I guess she's busy with work. And also tell her I miss her.
"Oh mom this is too much. Are we throwing a party or what? If so, then let's go home can't wait to eat what you're going to cook." I said to her while smiling.
I'm avoiding that topic to her. I'm going to tell her everything when the time is right. For now, I'm accepting things slowly.
"I'm going to cook all your favorite dish." she added while we are putting all the stuffs on the car.
We reached home and already park the car when I saw my father patiently waiting for us on the door. He didn't ask anything he just smile and walk towards us to help me and mom get the stuffs.
Me and dad help mom to prepare everything she needs.
I am so happy today. This feels like you are born again in this world full of toxicity but there's this one place that you will keep coming back to.
Home. My home.
Our home.
"Aren't you going to ask me anything?" I asked my father that makes him having a confused look.
"Time can heal everything." he replied while smiling wholeheartedly.
"..." I don't know what to answer now I'm confused.
"What I'm trying to say is, don't force yourself. You can tell us everything whenever you're ready. We are always here to listen and support you on what's going to make you happy. Daddy and mommy are always here for you son."
Oh no, not again... I'm going to cry again.
"I'm so.. I'm so sorry dad for all the bad things I did to you." tears rushing down on my eyes I can't help it.
"I'm sorry dad and mom. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I made you worry too much." I really cried a lot this time. I love my family so much.
*sobs*
"It's okay it's all in the past now. The importance is you are here with us. We love you so much our son." daddy said and he hugged me.
"Aww I love you both so so much!" my mom said and hugged us tightly.
...
"The pain that you feel right now will not disappear once you died but you'll also end up hurting the ones who love you the most." he's right, and I don't want to suffer my family just because I'm stupid. I've become a selfish one at that time. I only think about myself, I didn't consider the people who never gives up on me.
My family.
Thank you to that stranger. He enlightened me up of what's more important and he made me realize that I, myself, can be happy too. I'm just blinded by love in that way I can't see the people who matters a lot to me.
---
A week ago after I met Mr. Stranger, I started to change myself a little bit. I'm doing my very best to have a positive mind despite the fact that it's still too hard for me to go out and socialize with other people since I'm kinda introvert-. I'm taking things slowly so I can adapt the changes in my surroundings.
I'm trying to explore things outside. It's not that I haven't been through this before but.. this time I'm doing this alone and for myself.
I'm walking over the bridge and stopped for a while. The lights on every buildings and houses are sparklingly beautiful that you can't take off your eyes on it. I just realized that how can I missed something perfect like this.
How stunning.
I stayed their for a few minutes until I can feel that my feet are all stiff now so I decided to go. I'm just making my first step when the wind blows hard and something hit my face.
I checked out the paper that covers my face.
"We're now hiring a project designer and developer. Start your journey here and let your dreams inspire you. Apply now!"
Is this for real?
Should I give myself another try this time?
It's my dream to work on this company after all. I'm a graphic designer at my previous job but things are not always meant as it is. There are things that don't work even as you planned.
Now, I'm getting emotional again. F*ck. I should move on and have a better life.
I looked again at the flyer I'm holding.
"For interested applicants you may send your resume at davey**********@gmail.com."
----
Davey Publishing Inc.
One of the largest publishing company in the Asia and one of the successful company worldwide. There are millions and millions of books they've been published every year.
It's 6pm already.
I started doing my resume. This is my chance to prove my abilities and unlock an opportunity for a lifetime.
After a few minutes of tapping there and everywhere..
Tadaa.. I'm done with the resume, all I need to do is to tap that send button.
I took a deep breath.
(inhale*exhale)
I'm so excited and nervous at the same time. I will tap the button that will change my life forever. So who's not going to get nervous right?
Sent.
*Ding!
Your email was sent successfully.
I immediately closed the laptop and jump on my bed with so much excitement. I hope I've given another chance. This time, I won't let my guard down.
-----
I didn't realize I fell asleep.
I checked the time on my phone, oh
it's already 11 in the evening. I have a few notifications and a message, I'm going to check them later.
I went downstairs when I saw my mom sitting on the sofa while watching her favorite show.
"I'm sorry mom, I fell asleep. I didn't notice the time."
"It's okay. I didn't wake you up so you can rest comfortably. I keep the food warm so you can eat now."
"Thank you, I'm going to eat later. I'm going to check my phone first." I said while smiling at her.
She looked at me and smiled then she get back from watching.
I was going to check my phone when my mom suddenly burst out laughing. She can't help it, she look like a child that needs to pee.
Later on, her face says that she wants to scream or what?
"Mom, you okay?" I asked her with a confused look.
"Mm-hmm". she answered while still smiling helplessly like a teenager inlove.
I just went to the table to check what to eat.
"Okay then, I'm going to sleeeppp!! My ship are sailing now so I'll probably have a good night with a sweet dreams." she said while smiling consistently.
"Wait, what? What ship?" I asked confusedly.
"You don't need to know hahaha. Okay son, goodnight love you soooo much!!!" she said while waving her hand with a super flowing energy.
Now what's happening with her?
"Are you okay?"
"Yes!! I'm okay don't mind me. You should eat okay, okay?" she said repeatedly while making the okay sign in her hand.
I just nodded my head as a response to her.
"Lalala~ lala~" she's singing and humming all the way to their room.
Okay. Back to what I'm doing.
I checked the phone and opened the messaging tab.
Received 4 hours ago.
Good Evening. This is from Davey Publishing Inc. We are sorry to inform you that you didn't pass the company's criteria based on the resume you submitted on us.
We wish you a good luck in your next journey!
I turned off the phone and released a deep sigh.
"I see that coming." I said to myself.
It's okay. I need to be patient in terms of this. Finding a job is never easy these days. You need a lot of time and patience.
I should just look for another company. There might be a place for me.
I will just going to eat to wipe away my frustrations. Luckily, I didn't expect too much. But still.. it's my dream to work there.
(*sigh*)
-----
After I finished eating, I went to my laptop to play an online game. It's been a few weeks since I logged in on my player account.
HateEveryPieceOfMe
*logging in*
Now, I will chopped off every single zombie that gets in my way.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Gunshots that you can hear everywhere. It's like I'm killing all my enemies; stress, frustrations, disappointment, guilt.
I'm enjoying the game all the way not until someone's bugging me on the game, another player keeps on walking beside me as if he's my companion.
I'm going to pay him big time.
Chatting YouWillAlwaysBeMyDayOne...
HateEveryPieceOfMe: Excuse me, what's your problem? Can you please get off in my way!?
YouWillAlwaysBeMyDayOne: I'm just looking for someone I can build a team with. Can we be together?
HateEveryPieceOfMe: No thanks, I don't need a team. I can play all by myself!
YouWillAlwaysBeMyDayOne: But, I can't :(
Bang!
YouWillAlwaysBeMyDayOne has been shot.
Well deserved.
*smirk*
HateEveryPieceOfMe
*logging out*
What the hell? It pisses me off seriously!
And who the heck is using that kind of username?! So f*cking cheesy.
"So cringey!"
*Ding!
You have a new email.
I opened the email I've received.
We, at the Davey Publishing Inc. are sincerely want to apologize because we mistakenly sent the message in your contact number. You, Mr. Dela Cuesta is now hired as the project designer here at Davey Publishing Inc. you may start working on Monday. Please bring any identification card so we can further assist you. Thank you and congratulations.
I'm literally going to throw my laptop because I can't believe what I'm seeing now. Am I dreaming? Is this for real?
Slap! Slap!
Oh that hurts, man.
I slapped my face two times to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
I can't describe this feeling, it's like I'm floating on a bunch of clouds right now.
This is my first step to success.
This is a once in a lifetime opportunity so I will do my very best.
----
Time flies so fast.
It's already Sunday and 8 in the evening.
Hence, I forgot to tell my parents and it's going to be my first day of work tomorrow!
Yes! I need to tell them now when we're going to eat dinner so it's going to be a surprise. I want them to be happy and be proud of me.
Mom cooked my favorite food as always. We've sat down together to have dinner. I'm going to tell them a good news.
All I want after all is to make them happy and I want to make up for all the mistakes I've done to them.
"Mom, Dad I have something to say." I broke the silence.
"Yes what is it? I hope it's not bad." Dad laughed loudly that made mom pinch his back.
"You getting me nervous, honey." mom said afterwards.
"No. No, it's a good news rather." I answered.
"I love good news!" mom said while squealing.
"Are you getting married son or did you get impregnated someone?" dad asked contiously while making a thinking face.
"No, it's not that daddy! The good news is .. I have been hired at Davey Publishing!" I said with so much happiness and I love this feeling so much.
"Davey Publishing? That company is well known, and has always been mentioned on the news right?" dad asked with a surprised look.
"Yes dad. It's been always on the list of successful companies worldwide."
But .. mom cried.
"Uhm mommy, why are you crying?" I asked with confusion while rubbing her back.
"I'm just- just happy that you finally starting a new chapter in your life. You know, you used to having stress and suffered in your previous job which even you didn't talk about that to us, we still know and we feel that because we are your parents. You are our other half." mommy said while still crying, I hugged her to comfort her.
"Thank you so much you didn't give up on me." I said while keep trying to not cry but I failed, tears keep on pouring from my eyes.
"We are so proud of you. Always." daddy said while looking at me with the eyes full of happy emotions.
"So it's your first day tomorrow right? I'm going to cook your super favorite breakfast." mommy said with so much excitement while still squealing over here and there. That was a quite fast changing mood she has.
"Wow, that's a superb." I replied while laughing.
"Yes because I'm your super mommy!" mom said while imitating that Superman flying gesture.
Laughter is all you can hear in our dining room. It's a great feeling when you can make your family happy. This is priceless. Thank you Mr. Stranger for making me feel this kind of happiness again.
-----
I prepared all the things I needed for tomorrow's work. I'm kind of nervous because it's my first day of course! And also that's a big shot company so I hope I can do well.
I'm going to sleep early tonight.
I already set my alarm at 5 am.
Lies in bed, put on my earphones and play some good music.
(NP: Warm On A Cold Night by Honne)
****
Cccrringggggggg!!!!!
"Yeol, wake up now dear. It's your first day at work, you don't want to be late don't you?" mom is literally waking me up.
I just want to sleep more.
I can't hear what my mom says I'm just so freaking sleepy like I want to sleep for 10 hours or more.
"Just 5 more minutes please." I answered unconsciously.
30 minutes later....
"Sweetie, wake up now. You need to be early."
I heard my mom's voice again.
Sleep..
Sleep....
Another 30 minutes has passed.
When suddenly I dreamed about Mr. Stranger's face. We're at the office and his mad at me saying that I'm totally not taking my job seriously. He says I need to work my fingers to the bone, but I'm so sleepy.
"I want to sleep."
"You need to wake up, wake up!!!" he yelled at me I can't take it anymore!
I woke up with a confusing face.
Hah.. what the f*ck was that?
I turned my head on the bedside. Oh shit, what time is it now? 6:30 am?
I jumped out on the bed and run to the bathroom. Okay, let's be calm. I have 30 minutes left I shouldn't be late.
I washed my face, brush my teeth and do all the stuff as fast as I could. Luckily, I've prepared the things I needed last night.
I saw mom in the dining room. Smiling and squealing while holding her phone. She's reading something I don't know what's that maybe a novel or some romantic stories.
She cleared her throat when she saw me.
"Sit here and eat first before you leave." she said.
"Why didn't you wake me up mom? I'm so late now. I can't eat anymore." I grumbled.
"I did wake you up but you keep saying 5 minutes more, and another 5 minutes more. Now, you probably, didn't take a bath did you?" mom chuckled.
"The alarm clock isn't working." I made it as an excuse for my negligence.
"Nope it's not. It did make an alarm but you turned it off. You did this *smash* to the alarm." he said while imitating what I did to that alarm clock.
"I'm off now." I said to my mom while scratching my head.
"Take this with you." she said while she put the scrambled egg inside my mouth. I have no choice but to eat it.
"You can do it honey, break a leg!" she shouted.
"Bye mom- love you!" I literally choked on that egg. I waved my left hand to her as soon as I walk outside the subdivision.
I took a deep breath. Okay, I can do this!
I must reach the bus station in 5 minutes so I can take the bus in time. I run as fast as I could. As I reached the station, the bus already arrive. I'm still lucky that there's no traffic so I will probably spare some 5 more minutes for being late.
I took off the bus and run to the building 4 minutes... left.
Yes, here we go. I can see the doorway when ..
Thud!
I bumped into someone. My things scattered on the floor and so I picked them up one by one.
After that...
"I'm sorry." I apologized to him and bowed my head to show my sincerity. He's wearing a suit and a sunglasses. He looks so expensive. But, I'm so late now so I hurried away and I didn't get a chance to see his face clearly.
I run towards the information desk.
"Excuse me, I'm the newly hired graphic artist. Can I ask wh-"
"Can I see your identification card please?" what the f*ck I didn't get a chance to finish what I'm saying.
"Oh sure, here it is." I handed it to her carefully.
"You can proceed now at the main lobby." she said and handed over my identification card.
Someone approach me at the hallway.
"Mr. Dela Cuesta?" he looks scary. Looks like you know, the villains in the Hollywood movies.
"Yes it's me." I answered and smiled.
F*ck I'm trembling now. Calm down self, you can do this. Everything's going to be okay.
"You are late. Did you know that?" he said furiously while crossing his arms and looking at me.
"I'm so-." F*ck I didn't finished my sentence again because he immediately frozed for a while.
All the employees bowed down to the man that was wearing a suit and sunglasses. He's walking towards us. He have bodyguards on his back following the steps he takes.
"Good Morning Mr. Davey." the man that was so furious later has changed into a smiling one, like a saint rather.
Mr. Davey? I also bowed down my head to show some respect. He's probably the chairman but does he look so young for being a chairman?
He removed his sunglasses and looked at me.
"You!" I yelled and extend my arm while pointing my finger at him. It's like my body went on it's own. It did recognize him.
-----
