As a family we all had issues but my feelings were probably the most complicated of us all. Before you were born I was an only child and even then I hardly spent time with mom. She was always working and I was always either at school or someone else's house. But when you were born mom started working a little less stayed home a little more but after a while she would start to work all day, all week leaving us with babysitters. I was always told to take care of you because I was older but naturally I think even then I probably started disliking you a bit.
The babysitter would leave me laone in the house while she went outside to meet up with her friends only taking you with her. Mom would only start paying attention to you when she was home. I think part of it is becuse she was still dating your dad at that time but part of it was probably only my childish feelings.
I know i wasn't really likeable as a kid I was quite and really morose for my age; compared to you who was lively and bubbly. I just seemed like the depressed child throwing tantrums. I can't deny that most if is true. But even for my age mom depended to much on me to take care of you when I couldn't even take care of myself. I was always nagged at, yelled at, spanked becuase I wasn't taking care of you properly, because I wasn't being responsible enough, because I wasn't being mature enough.
When I did good enough she would praise me and is was always when I did what she liked that she praised me. You probably don't believe me, probably think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. Mom always neglected me for you and when Dad came around it got worse..