9 It's complicated

"He wants me to think about it."

Yul was pacing back and forth in his room that night. The other two roommates were fast asleep in their upper bunks of beds like horses while Subin listened to the ranting man.

The guy scribbling some Korean lyrics on a paper looked up. His multitasking brain had analysed the situation. "Dude, he clearly has some issue about it. Maybe, he had faced something in the past and that's why he is like this with you," he shared his thoughts, without minding his loud voice as he knew that their other two roomies always slept like the dead, not even a bomb-blast or an earthquake could wake them up.

Yul stopped his pacing and sat on his bed, the bunk below trainee no. 87. "But I really love him, Bin," he said, looking miserably at his friend, "and I love him even more after spending the day with him. I know it's crazy but I can't help how I feel about him."

Subin propped up a leg, stating his opinion, "Alright, you love him, you know it but he doesn't. It didn't reach him yet. You gotta prove it to him and you can only do that by staying by his side. You love him, make him understand that."

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Yul slumped to the side, his head now laying on the pillow. "Why is this so complicated?" He groaned into the pillow. He was not used to chasing people. It was always the other way around.

"Well, they say, love is not easy," Subin said, scribbling words again. After writing a line or two, he continued, "And he was right in saying that you should think about it. Temporary attraction is really common. You don't necessarily have to label it as love."

"Great, now even you are siding with him, you f¢king traitor!" Yul threw a pillow at the other guy who caught it laughing.

"But he really got a point, Yul," Subin threw the pillow back.

"You have six more days to think about it." He put away his paper and pen, sitting up to have a proper talk. Being the elder one, it was his duty to guide the younger guy.

"Look, you gotta think about everything, what you like about him; looks or body or something more. If you both ever decide to get in a relationship, think about what might happen. Do you want to be open and out, which will lead to obvious discrimination or do you want to be closeted? Think about your parents; how they'll react and how you'll handle it. Also, think about marriage and children; you won't have either, considering the current laws."

Yul now sat up and crossed his legs, "That's a lot to think about. Anything else, Mr I Know Everything?"

"Umm…" Subin pondered for a while and snapped his fingers remember an important one, "Oh yeah, sex!"

"What!" Yul almost choked on his saliva. How was he best friends with this shameless guy?

Subin nodded like the know-it-all he was, "Yeah, if you guys get in a relationship, eventually that phase will come. So you both must be prepared for it. Then who will top and who will be bottom? Or is there a verse? It's different between two guys, you know. Much more complicated and decisive than with a girl. Well, except for the pregnancy part, that's no issue but rest all is still complicated. Also, remember that even if you like a guy from his outer appearance, you may be okay with casual contacts and kissing him but when it comes to more than that, I don't want you to freak out. That'll be the biggest insult to your partner. Human sexuality is so weird, it comes in all shapes and forms. You can be involved emotionally but not physically or physically but not emotionally or both or nothing. It's possible. Anything's possible. So, just be accepting and open to all possibilities. Okay?"

That was too much information to take in. And how come Subin knew it all like some first-hand experience? Something was fishy. Yul knitted his brows, "How do you know so many things?"

"Perks of being a pansexual," Subin winked at Yul who gaped at him with utter shock.

Within a second, he was sitting beside Subin, punching his arm rather harshly, "Assh0le, you didn't tell me! I thought there were no secrets between us." He accused his best friend, who merely shrugged.

"You never asked," Subin pouted, "Moreover, it doesn't matter, does it? It's not like I am any different from who I was yesterday."

That was true. Yul thought this little detail was just something personal about Subin that shouldn't bother him. "You didn't have a secret crush on me, did you?" He asked, not bothering about how blunt he sounded because that's just how their friendship was. Using curse words every now and then, slapping and punching each other, speaking their mind without any shame, that's how they had been all this time and that wasn't going to change.

"You can tell me, you know. I won't mind," Yul said with an air of pride, "I am handsome and I know it. I bet you can't help but fall for me, Bin. I can understand if you did." He patted his back understandingly.

Subin raked him up and down with disgust in his eyes, "Ew! No! You are like my brother for fu¢k's sake!" He cringed, "I don't just go around falling in love with every other person that comes across me. Also, I prefer cute, fragile people."

Yul curled up his lip in little disappointment. Then bumped his shoulder with Subin's. "Thanks for telling me," he said, trying to not sound bashful. He was glad to know that Subin trusted him enough to tell him about such an important part of his life.

"No biggie," Subin grinned and went back to his writing.

Yul was now left with his own difficulties about his sexuality. He thought about it over the week. This was different from when he was in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend of 6 months. However, he knew that he was involved emotionally to an extent with his ex-girlfriend. It had taken him quite some time but he did. But with Zeng, it was different. He had never felt that way about anyone like he did for the charming doctor.

Yul also thought about what Subin had explained. All the aspects that his goofy yet smart friend had mentioned were new to him. He felt the need to place himself somewhere like never before but couldn't actually put his own sexuality anywhere. It was complicated.

He talked with Subin when it became too much for him to think alone. His friend told him that he was close to somewhere between a bisexual or a pansexual. Similar but not the same.

"But there's no need to label yourself if you are not comfortable," Subin explained, "Take your time, bro. I am here to talk whenever you need me."

Yul nodded. He was more relaxed as Sunday approached, a bit more confident about how he felt but mostly happy that he could get to see Zeng again.

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