23 Chapter 22: Ishib i ♡

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Oh no, put that bottle back." Yoongi was clear enough for Jungkook to do as he was told, his insides still burning with the need to drink some hard liquor. He knew his hyung had a lot of those but he wasn't going to insist because he felt exhausted and a fight with his best friends was the last thing he needed. "You look like shit."

Jungkook rubbed his face with both hands and followed the mint-haired artist with his eyes as he searched for a wine bottle in the bar and asked for Hoseok to bring three tall glasses he later filled with dark red liquid. He wasn't cruel – he knew the youngster needed something that could later lull him to sleep but he didn't want him to pass out because they had things to talk about. He wasn't sure if Jungkook understood what he's just been through and he felt like it was his mission to enlighten him and help him figure out what he wanted to do next. They tasted the drink before Yoongi placed his glass aside and leaned forward while intertwining his fingers on top of his knees.

"Are you going back to the hospital tomorrow?"

The silence that followed meant hesitation but Jungkook's expression was one of a tormented man. He desperately wanted to go back, he wanted things to go back to how they were before, he wanted to hold Jimin in his arms and to whisper to him that everything was going to be alright but he was rational enough to understand that might not be what the best for him was. Truth to be told, he had no idea what the best meant anymore.

"You saved his life."

"But maybe that's not what he wanted. He told me it's been an accident but –" Going back to Jimin meant he could face this type of situation again and the thought of his lover dying in his arms was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. "I can't help him, Yoongi. I've done my best and it's not enough."

"You're looking at things the wrong way, kid." Hoseok was quiet next to his boyfriend, knowing it might not be his place to intervene but his fingers were dug into the warm orange pullover he was wearing. "Jimin doesn't need you to save him, he needs to save himself." Jungkook's doe eyes widened at the words but his lips didn't part, not wanting to interrupt his hyung. "You're not his saviour, you're his boyfriend so all you have to do is to love him when he doesn't."

"Sometimes it feels like he doesn't want to let me do that." Otherwise he wouldn't have been hiding all those things from him.

"He's obviously in a bad place, Jungkook." Hoseok added quietly. "I've seen his arms for the first time and I can't get the picture out of my head."

"A failed suicide attempt is a life-changing experience, Gguk. Jimin's probably more scared than you are." The brown-haired man snorted; it was easy for them to say that because they haven't been there when he was tearing a door down so he could get access to his unconscious boyfriend. "I've been where he is now and that shit's tough."

Jungkook has never heard the story of how Yoongi attempted suicide during his late teenage years so he couldn't believe his ears when the elder explained to him how it happened. He has been lucky enough to take an excessive amount of pills and that caused for him to throw everything up until the ambulance that has been called by his mother arrived. He could remember the horrible aftermath, how guilty he was feeling, how he imagined everyone would give up on him. Most of them did but the people who mattered stayed and tried to support him through thick and thin. That attempt changed the perspective he had over life and over the things that mattered and it was the reason why he fought so hard for his happiness in the present.

Yoongi was alright – he was alive and breathing, he was productive and even gave up on hardcore BDSM which has been his coping mechanism for many years because he found serenity in Hoseok. If he has managed to pull through all of that, it meant Jimin could too.

"So what should I do?" The question hasn't been addressed to any of them. He was scared and tears were threatening to spill once again so he wiped them away before they could fall, feeling like the runaway child he was when Yoongi first found him. "I want him to be happy, hyungs."

"Then don't give up on him." Hobi whispered and rubbed his upper back affectionately. "Think of what Minnie means to you, ask yourself if he's worth the fight."

Of course he was. Jimin was his sweet baby boy but the image of the prettiest eye smile has been replaced by his motionless body resting in a puddle of blood and he couldn't recover from that. He couldn't get over the fact that their stupid – God, it has been so stupid – fight resulted in something so horrendously wrong. He has been stupid for not making a better effort to see him more frequently, for not reading in between the lines and for not understanding how distant he's been acting. Jimin has been just as bad, keeping things for himself and allowing his ex-Dom to get near him. These problems weren't worth a suicide attempt but the pink-haired boy has reached his breaking point and Jungkook contributed to the whole ordeal.

"I love him." He confessed quietly and downed the glass of wine he's been holding.

He was going to let himself cry until he was going to feel better and then take a shower and try to rest. He blacked out as soon as his head rested against the pillow and woke up when his alarm announced it was 7 AM. He left before the other two woke up and grabbed a coffee on the way to the nearest flower shop from where he picked the liveliest bouquet he managed to put together. He hoped Jimin was going to like the pinkness of it because the flowers were meant to be the entry act of his proposal.

He's been told that the patient just woke up but he didn't hesitate to enter the salon, not missing the way the student's brown eyes widened at the sight of him. Little hands were wrapped around a mug that was filled with something that Jungkook suspected that was tea and there was a plate with barely-touched crackers resting on the nightstand. The boy looked exhausted but a lot better than a day before, which was no wonder at all.

"Good morning." He tried and Jimin nodded before casting his eyes downwards, looking at the cup like it was the most interesting thing in the universe. He accepted the flowers with a polite but distant "Thank you" and Jungkook noticed Milo was resting next to him under the covers. "I see you have company."

"I hate hospitals." The boy whispered sadly and placed the cup next to the crackers. "Why are you here?"

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No." Jimin replied before he could stop himself. An uncomfortable silence fell in between them and the outside world seemed to take the first place for a few minutes. They could hear the hospital staff roaming around and birds were singing outside, announcing that the spring day they were dreaming of was near. "I love you, I never want you to leave." The pink-haired boy smiled sadly and rose his head so their stares could lock.

The elder moved one of the wooden chairs closer to the bed and sat on it, his right hand searching for a smaller one instinctively.

"Did you come here to break up with me?" Jimin's words were barely audible and Jungkook shook his head as their fingers intertwined gingerely. His thumb began brushing the soft skin of the back of the other's hand as he tried his best to gather his thoughts.

"I wanted to see how you're feeling." Antidepressants were making him feel nauseous and drowsy so he didn't hesitate to share that along with everything the doctor told him – like the fact that his body needed to get used to the medication before any change could take place or that it would be better for him if he would interrupt his year of study. His life was taking a dramatic turn and he wasn't fully aware of how he was supposed to react, all he knew was that he wanted to go home. He wished he could go back home to Jungkook but that was an unlikely possibility.

"Taetae said he'll bring me hot chocolate." He smiled faintly and looked at his phone to see what time it was. "I think he'll be here in an hour or so. I didn't expect visitors this early."

"Move in with me." The request fell flat inside the room and even it if came out nothing like Jungkook hope it would, his heartbeat couldn't slow down because of the hope he was feeling. He wished Jimin wouldn't be overwhelmed by the proposal, he wished he still wanted him.

"What?"

"Move in with me." He wanted to have his baby by his side at all times so he could always remind him that he was loved and that they could reach the end of this struggle. If Jimin was going to take a break from his studies he was going to spend more time at home than anywhere else and he didn't want him to be alone. The boy was already getting teary-eyed. "Let's start all over again."

"Kookie..." He didn't want the artist to be hurt again, not by him.

"But you have to promise me that you'll never touch a razor blade ever again. No more self-harming. It's either us or cutting."

"I'll –" Jimin gulped. "I'll try my best." He didn't trust himself to be so self-controlled yet but he hoped he could get there one day because Jungkook was offering him a second chance. No one in his right mind would have wanted to have anything to do with him anymore but his boyfriend was willing to see past the sufferance he has caused. He tried to stop crying when he understood it wouldn't get him anywhere but he was too emotional to stop the tears that kept falling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are, angel."

"Are you still upset that I accepted to meet Daeshim?" Jungkook frowned at the memory.

"I would lie if I would say I'm not but I'm also at fault for not communicating. I didn't properly explain to you what kind of things we're going through at the parlour and you have no idea about the hole in my budget." Maybe he has tried too hard to make things work on his own while not giving a clue about what hardships he was truly facing. Jimin was his boyfriend but he was also a little and he thought these kind of financial problems shouldn't concern him. Maybe he was ashamed that he couldn't afford the expensive dates they were used to – for a while, at least. "I've been struggling with money so... yeah."

"That is why you cancelled on so many things?" Jungkook raised his shoulders hopelessly. "It doesn't have to always be your treat, Kookie. I don't care about fancy dinners and gifts... I just wanted to spend time with you."

"But I'm your Daddy –"

"And you're the best and that doesn't have anything to do with how much money you spend on our relationship." The tattoo artist was genuinely trying to make their relationship work and Jimin swore to himself that he was never going to overlook all the little things he did for his sake. They were a mess – it was a known fact – but they loved each other. "I've missed you."

Jungkook's warm palm left the other's short fingers in order to cup his cheek lovingly as he moved so their lips could meet. The pink-haired boy tasted of sweetened tea and something a lot bitterer, probably some type of medicine, but the elder couldn't get enough so his lips chased the plump ones as the kiss came to an end, stealing another innocent peck. Jimin's cheeks were covered in light pink, the colour making him look less like a wax figure and more like the boy Jungkook fell in love with.

"I love you so fucking much." The man whispered as if it was a secret and nuzzled his nose against a button one. "I can't wait for you to come back home." He decided he would spend all the nights until the signing out at Yoongi and Hoseok's because his apartment was painfully empty and he couldn't stand the quietness anymore.

"Tae's gonna live alone." This part pained Jimin but he hoped his best friend wouldn't be too upset about his decision of moving in with his boyfriend because the idea was the only thing that was keeping him grounded.

"He'll have Bunny." Jungkook smiled and kissed his forehead.

"But I'll miss them." He was obviously allowing himself to slip in little space and it was most likely to happen involuntary, being caused by the heavy stress he has been constantly facing during the last couple of days.

"You can always visit them, peach. And TaeTae can come by any time he wants and he can bring Bunny too." It was a promise so Jimin nodded and moved so he could stay comfier on the tall bed. There were a lot of pillows sustaining his back and the elder couldn't miss the fact that he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, unlike the day before. "Do you want Daddy to bring you anything the next time he comes by?"

"My colouring book and crayons?"

"Okay, baby."

He ended up snuggling the boy on the bed, even if he was one hundred percent sure he wasn't allowed to do so (that was the power of Jimin's Bambi eyes) and the student felt limp against his body, his eyes closed because of the tiredness he was still feeling. A hand was rubbing his arm as his head was resting on Jungkook's chest where his fingers were searching for the strong heartbeat they were used to feel.

"Will you come to visit me every day?"

"I wouldn't dream of anything else." The brown-haired man replied and kissed the top of his head. "Hobi said he'll come every evening too and I'm sure he'll bring you a lot of goodies."

"Daddy?"

"Hm?"

"Do you really want me to move in with you?" He was careless when it came to cleaning and he had a lot of things that he couldn't imagine having a place in Jungkook's apartment. There were his stuffed toys, his books and he didn't want to leave anything behind because they were part of who he was.

"That's why I asked you to, sweets." The artist chuckled and kissed the pink head again. "We'll be sleeping buddies." Jimin's giggles filled the room at the silly prospect but his vision became blurry once again; he could swear he cried enough for his entire life. "And I'll make breakfast for us every morning and we can build a permanent fort in which we can watch movies."

"Can we have baths together too?"

"We can do whatever you want, angel."

"Here." Jungkook decided and pointed towards the only empty place near his elbow, where he knew the little tattoo would fit perfectly. It was a sketch he found inside Jimin's notebook, one that he didn't ask for permission to use as he wanted it to be a surprise.

It was a beautifully drawn Saturn and his mind immediately thought of a new tatt as soon as his eyes laid on it. He usually disapproved when it came to relationships-related tattoos but he thought of it as a reminder of the happiness he was currently feeling. Even if they were going to break up one day, he was sure that he would never forget Jimin and all the moments they lived together; he didn't want to.

It took Yoongi about 15 minutes to have it done and he made sure to carefully cover his friend's open wound before reminding him that the visiting hours were soon starting. Two more days and the pink-haired boy was going to be released from the hospital.

The student was already laughing animated with Joon and Jin by the time he arrived and he took a minute to enjoy the joyful sound before knocking on the already opened door and asking if he could come in.

"Kookie!" That was the standard greeting so he headed towards the one who called his name, bending so their lips could meet briefly before he took his jacket off.

They were lucky to have such good friends – Jungkook could trust his boyfriend was never spending time alone in the hospital because everyone took turns to visit him, no matter how busy they were. The pills were still making him sleepy, no matter how much he rested during the nights and some days were harder than the others but being surrounded by friendly faces really improved Jimin's mood because his mind didn't have the time to overthink.

"Did you get a new one?" The student's voice was filled with enthusiasm more than anything else so the elder chuckled at his innocence. "Can I see?"

"The wrapping has to stay for one more hour but then I'll show it to you, okay?" The pout that unconsciously formed made its owner's agreement hard to believe but Jungkook ignored it, knowing the time will fly by. They had a good time until the hyungs left and the young ones pretended they didn't notice that their fingers were intertwined on their way out, still unsure of what their relationship status was.

"It's obvious they're whipped for each other." The brown-haired artist mumbled and turned to watch his favourite eye smile. "God, you're so pretty."

"Thank you. Tae bought me this sweater." It was a rainbowy one and even if Jungkook was not referring to his choice of clothing he took a few seconds to appreciate how beautiful it looked on him. Truth to be told, anything looked good on Jimin. "Can I see?" A shy finger pointed towards his bandage and the elder chuckled before his left hand began tugging at the edges of the foil.

There were places where ink was still smeared and Jungkook had enough tattoos to know the process of healing wouldn't stop anytime soon, no matter how little the piece was. Jimin seemed completely star-struck, his velvety lips parted; he obviously recognised the drawing – it was his doodle imprinted on his lover's skin.

"Oh my God!"

"Do you like it?" The man sounded hesitant and the student answered by pulling him closer by the hand in order to study the tattoo better. "I think it's beautiful."

"I think you're beautiful." Jimin replied with a shameless grin and pressed his lips near the cream-covered patch of skin. It was rare that he would voice his thoughts on his boyfriend's appearance but that was what he truly believed – Jungkook was drop-dead gorgeous. "I also think that I love you."

"You think?!" He faked shock and received a playful slap on his shoulder.

"I'm sure." The pink-haired boy pursed his lips, begging for another kiss that didn't wait to appear, this time slow and steady.

"I'm pretty sure that I love you too." Jungkook grinned as soon as their mouths parted.

Notes:

ヽ(｡ゝ∀･)☆･ﾟ:*☆ Hewo! Thank you so much for reading ~ I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'm eager to read your opinion! Truth to be told, I've been very nervous about this chapter because I know the story probably didn't take the turn you've expected. I took the possibility of them breaking up for a while in consideration but I decided that Jungkook wouldn't give up on Jimin. I know they've been through a lot but he is kind enough and loves him enough to take in consideration the fact that he has almost died and that he's having a harder time than he does. We'll just have to see how their relationship will evolve. I hope you will have an wonderful week and that you'll take great care of yourself!☆