1 Chapter One

It has often occurred to me that contentment can be a dangerous thing. In fact, it can resemble a prison. A prison in which you aren't even aware you are in, and you are your own prison guard. Never allowing yourself to stray from the cell you have fixed up for yourself and made into your familiar comfort spot. You forget about your other hopes and dreams simply because you have convinced yourself that this is where and what you were meant to be in your life. It's comfortable and you even feel happy about it.

Now, contentment is not always dangerous. I have witnessed many people in true happiness in their contentment… or were they? We never really see what goes on behind the closed doors of the ones who look like they have everything together. Perfect home, perfect husband, perfect kids, perfect job, etc. Perhaps these people were also screaming inside, mourning their dreams they gave up for whatever reasons.

When that happens, what is a person supposed to do? Is it wrong to wish for more? The people you let down if you decide to pursue these dreams, what happens to them? You hurt and disappoint someone either way, if you come up to those crossroads, will it be yourself or the ones you love?

I could not bear the thought of another dinner party hosted by my mother in my house. Of course, it was her house too. My husband had been more than willing to allow her to live with us. After all, it was through her that he and I had even met. In fact, she supported our marriage before we even laid eyes on each other. She always seemed to get what she wanted. Always.

It was mid-September, the sunlight providing enough warmth despite the cool breeze. The caterers and employees my mother had hired to help with the dinner party were already setting up tables and chairs in the backyard. The décor was autumn-themed. The last night for an outdoor event that the weather would probably allow. Before long, winter will be here, and so will the stuffy indoor functions I was expected to go to year in and year out.

I was used to the dinner parties, luncheons, church events, and everything in between. I handled the ropes of a housewife very well. I focused on the children while Steven was gone for business, which was a lot of the time. We make it work though, there was never a night we went without a phone call or video chat before bed.

My mother made things more difficult. She expected so much of me and has gone as far as to tell me how to dress. She always said something along the lines of how I was not living up to the housewife title for someone that is married to a man like Steven Hendricks. He was the CEO of Hendricks Hotels. He had many hotels spread throughout the US and a few sprouting up in the UK. He has been successful for many years, even many years before we had even met.

My mother had loved the idea of me marrying him because she knew he was wealthy. I loved the idea of marrying him simply because I fell in love with him very fast. It wasn't surprising that my mother reaped the benefits more than I ever could think to. She loved the attention, popularity, and the large amount of money Steven gave her monthly to cover anything she needed. She got more money than someone working two or even three full-time jobs. She was comfortable.

Steven knew my mother was always to be included when we got married. She only requested to him that she be taken care of and she would allow me to marry him. He saw no problem with that, and we were so happy at the beginning of our honeymoon phase that it didn't matter to us what the conditions were.

The friends that I had at the time were convinced my mother had forced me to marry him for financial gain. That was not true, and they didn't believe that someone as young as I could fall in love with a man that was a couple of years shy of forty at the time. At the young age of eighteen, I had just graduated from high school when my mother had introduced us.

She had met Steven at an anniversary party she attended that was held in one of his hotels. They began talking and he commented on how he had been hoping to settle down to start a family soon, but it was nearly impossible to meet someone with how busy he was. Then she suggested meeting me after showing him several pictures of me on my social media. I was upset with her at first for setting up this meeting without my permission in the first place but did not care when I found out just how handsome he was.

I remember being charmed and infatuated so easily. Steven and I connected almost effortlessly. Then when he had to go back to being busy with work, I waited in anticipation for the next time he would be back to see me.

Things moved along quickly, and we were married three months after our meeting. A year later we had Eli, and the year after that we had Sophia. Since then, we have been trying to conceive again, but with no success. It was okay though; we were a happy family and felt complete regardless.

I sat sipping my coffee at the island in the kitchen. People floating in and out of the room to the backyard through the large sliding glass doors in front of me. I was absentmindedly daydreaming about my family and smiling to myself. I began wondering if Steven was taking a moment from his morning at work to think about me and the kids…

"I told you a half-hour ago to get showered and dressed!" My smile dissolved as my mother got my attention. Her hands were on her hips rolling her eyes.

"Just having my morning routine," I replied holding up my cup. "I'll be getting ready soon after this cup."

"You and your distasteful caffeine addiction." She grumbled in a low voice. I smiled and shook my head. "Fine, I'll go. I have to go watch Sofia's dance rehearsal anyway. Her recital is on Monday, remember?"

"You can't just leave. There's still a lot to be done!" She threw her hands in the air and gestured outside.

"It looks like you have plenty of hands to help you!" I said laughing to myself and disappeared as soon as one of the catering employees distracted her with some random questions.

Sophia's rehearsal didn't last long, and I found myself bored with nothing else to do once it was over. I sat in the back seat of the car in the parking lot of Eli and Sophia's private school. The other snooty parents began getting into their own cars.

"Where would you like to go now, Mrs. Hendricks? Back home?" Baldwin, my butler had asked.

I sighed. I didn't want to go back to that circus at home, and I knew I would be forced to act intrigued with whatever silly detail about the party my mother would bring to my attention. Of course, if I didn't go back soon, I would have to face her wrath. In conclusion, I was screwed either way.

"Let's go get some coffee. I could use an espresso. Where would you suggest, Baldwin?" He looked at me in the rearview mirror with his eyebrows raised.

"Well, there's this coffee shop inside of this grocery store a few blocks from my mom's house. They have great coffee, better than Starbucks even."

"Sounds great." I smiled. "Let's go there. I don't want to go back yet." Baldwin nodded and began to drive out of the school parking lot.

It didn't take long before we arrived at the grocery store, he had mentioned. I had never been here before; in fact, I was rarely at a grocery store since we had people to do this kind of stuff for us. I declined Baldwin's offer to go in himself to get our coffee, I wanted to go in and pretend to be normal for a minute, as silly as it sounded.

Entering through the automatic doors, I was reminded of my childhood and grocery shopping with my mother. Back when we lived alone her, and I and we had done our own shopping. That is if we had enough money at the time for groceries to do so. My gut ached at the thought of when I used to be so hungry that when we walked into a store I wanted every single food item I laid eyes on. Most of all the food items I could smell cooking in one of the delis. The way my stomach had growled at the thought of how it used to be. I knew my stomach was growling now only because I had skipped breakfast, and not because I was somehow reliving my past and how much hunger had plagued me and my mother sometimes.

The little coffee shop was right in the front of the store and Baldwin and I ordered our drinks. We both browsed on our phones as we waited. We got a few odd looks from others, which is why I used my phone as a crutch. I had forgotten what it felt like to be in public amongst normal people. I must have looked like a celebrity or something. I hated getting the stares. I would normally dress more casually to blend in, but today I wore a day dress with a long white trench coat and satin gloves. I was also wearing sunglasses indoors I just realized. Great. There was Baldwin in his suit and tie, the looks we were getting not seeming to bother him one bit.

Our coffee was finally ready, and Baldwin grabbed them and handed me mine. I was more than ready to get out of the store. The woman waiting next to us kept moving closer and closer to me, acting as if she were trying to smell me or something. I was never coming to a grocery store in the middle of the day without casual wear.

As Baldwin and I were walking through the parking lot towards the car, my phone began to ring. It was my mom. I groaned and answered.

"Where are you!?" She asked practically screeching into the phone.

"Me and Baldwin stopped for some coffee at this grocery store." I replied, knowing she would disapprove of my being at a grocery store at all, let alone buying my own coffee.

She huffed and ignored what I said. "I've been trying to get a hold of Baldwin! Things are a disaster here and I need a damn cake because I just found out it's Karen Summer's birthday today and she confirmed she will be at our party instead of her own! Can you imagine? No one threw her a birthday party today, poor, poor woman." She rambled on. "And there is no time for anyone to make one I need all hands on deck here to set this up. We aren't halfway through and it's disaster after disaster…" She faded out to yell at some poor person that she was giving orders to.

"My mom said we need to get a cake!" I whispered to Baldwin, holding my hand against the speaker of the phone.

"Well! Where is Baldwin?" She asked suddenly.

"Oh, uhhhh, his phone died." I lied and Baldwin mouthed a 'thank you.' "We're at a grocery store we can pick one up?" I suggested scrunching up my face preparing to be yelled at for the suggestion.

"Yes! Make sure that you do! There's not enough time to order something from somewhere nicer on such short notice. Try to make sure it looks nice although that's probably going to be impossible…" She mumbled the last part.

"Okay! We will try!" I said hanging up as I turned around abruptly to go back into the store when I collided with something solid and dropped my phone and my coffee splattered all over my white trench coat.

All I could do is look down at my coat in shock and horror as a man's voice repeated the word sorry over and over.

"This is a Thom Browne!" I exclaimed pulling it off and taking my sunglasses off. "Thanks a lot, asshole." I said angrily looking at the man's face. I gasped, and it felt like the air was stuck in my lungs.

His eyes were the golden-brown shade I had spent many nights of my youth dreaming about. His hair was styled a bit different than it had been many years ago, but it was still the same shade of black that he religiously dyed it to keep his original light brown color at bay. His body was still skinny, but his muscles were a little more defined than the last time I saw him. It was no doubt, Josh Levisay.

The man I had always thought I would end up being married to back when I was a teenager. Although he and I were never officially together, we had been friends for a long time and were romantically involved for a short time. It all ended when he went to jail for six months and when he got out, I had already moved on and was preparing to marry Steve.

Of course, it didn't matter that I had moved on because he did too. He had told me that he intended to be with his current girlfriend who was pregnant with his child when he got out. I couldn't blame him, but it stung for a really long time. I even felt sad for a short time after I married Steve. I got over it quickly as I thought it was improper to have heartache over someone else while a woman was already married to someone else.

My mouth was slightly open and for some reason, I could feel tears pricking my eyes as I looked at him standing before me. It had felt surreal, and my heart ached because I realized I had missed him so much more as my friend rather than a lost lover.

"Holly!" He smiled softly, "it really is you." He reached out pulling me into a tight hug. I had forgotten how to breathe but I hugged back hard, letting the tears escape my eyes onto my cheeks and onto his shirt. That familiar feeling of his arms around me felt like the home I had forgotten about. He pulled back, holding onto my arms, and looking at me still smiling. "I have missed you so much, Holly Jolly." His facial expression grew concerned. "Now, now, why are you crying." He asked as he cupped my face and used his thumbs to dry my tears.

I simply smiled as best as I could and laughed, taking his hands in mine, and holding them in front of us.

"I guess I just missed you so much too, Joshy Washy." I chuckled at the stupid nickname I had come up with shortly after he began calling me Holly Jolly one evening when we spent a December night at his house watching 'Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

I forgot my surroundings and the fact that Baldwin was standing there watching our exchange with a look of surprise and interest.

Baldwin cleared his throat. "Mrs. Hendricks, I'll take your soiled coat to the car and go back into the store to get that cake." He said reaching out to take my coat I had around my arm.

"Oh! Yes!" I unclasped my hands from Josh's quickly and handed the coat over to Baldwin.

"It won't take me long. You'll be waiting out here while I go back in?" He asked quirking his eyebrow in question.

"Ummm… Yes, yeah, I will be right here." I replied stuttering. Baldwin nodded and walked in the direction of the car with my coat in one hand, keeping it far away from his own clothing.

I nervously turned back to Josh, and he was frowning a little.

"I really am sorry about your coat, Holly. I can replace it for you!"

"Oh, no. It's fine, really. I was going to need a new coat this winter anyway." I replied waving it off.

"Fine but let me make it up to you. How about we get some coffee sometime and catch up?" He asked taking out his phone.

"Sure." I agreed, forgetting who I was and every other thing about my life. As if I could find the time to do so and the fact that it would be inappropriate to go on a coffee date with him since I was married. I cringed and closed my eyes. "Actually, I don't think it's such a good idea. I'm married." I explained looking to see his amused expression.

"I am too, no worries. It's not like I'm asking you out for drinks at the bar and taking you somewhere afterward to…" He trailed off laughing and shaking his head. "Well, you know where I'm going."

I gulped and let out a shaky breath. "I guess you're right." Was all I could say.

"See? So, what's your number? I'll text you later to set up a time." He handed me his phone and I saw that it was new contact information. I punched in my phone number quickly and handed it back to him.

Then I heard the camera shutter sound and looked at him confused.

"Contact photo." He grinned. "Plus, you look amazing in this light."

I blushed and glanced away toward the grocery store and looked at the sign and realized Josh was wearing a dark grey shirt with the store's logo on it.

"So, you work here?" I gestured to the store.

"Yeah." He pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket and took when out and lit it up. "I'm the manager. I was actually coming out for a smoke break before I bumped into you." He held the pack out to me, and I shook my head.

"No, thank you. I quit."

He shrugged and put them back in his pocket.

It felt as if I had so much to say and so many questions to ask him, and yet standing in silence was just as nice, as he smoked, we just gazed at each other saying nothing. It felt like old times, yet everything was entirely different. In that brief quiet moment, I knew we didn't need words. His eyes bore into mine and my heart fluttered and felt like it could stop. It was hard to believe he still had such an effect on me.

I had seen this look in his eyes before when we were making love once. I remember how it had made me feel so beautiful and wanted as if I were the only woman in the world that fueled his desires.

I could feel my cheeks burning red as I recalled such a memory. I broke the stare to look down at my shoes, biting my lip.

"I wish I knew what you were thinking about just now." My eyes widened as I looked back up to his face. He was smirking as he dropped his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it.

"I was thinking about how bad that is for the environment." I replied dumbly. He just laughed and shook his head.

"Yeah, you're still the same old ditsy you."

I opened my mouth in fake shock. "Excuse me sir, but me, ditsy?"

He laughed even harder, and I couldn't help but laugh along with him. His laugh had always been contagious. A feeling of merriment washed over me, and butterflies tickled my stomach.

"Hey, it's okay though. Not both of us can be smart. We would both take over the world if we were. Humanity would have to bow down to us because that's just how super smart we would be together."

I scoffed and shook my head. "Obviously, the smart one is me in this made-up scenario of yours."

"As long as it helps you sleep at night, go ahead and think that." He stuck his tongue out and I burst into laughter.

I glanced over at the doors of the store as Baldwin was walking out with a rather large-looking cake in his hands.

"Well, I suppose this is my cue that I need to get going." I said as Baldwin was approaching closer.

"Yeah, me too. I better get back in there. It was nice seeing you, Holly." He surprised me by grasping me into another tight hug.

"By the way, you look stunning." He whispered in my ear before he let go. I knew my face was red, I doubted it had ever looked a different shade since I bumped into him.

"Nice seeing you too." I replied as I followed Baldwin to the car.

I looked back expecting to see him with his back turned to me, heading back into the store. Instead, he was walking backward still looking at me and grinning.