1 When did it start to matter

When did it start to matter? Was it when I was born or was it when I started to grow up. All I wanted was to live a happy life. I was born normal, well under weight. My mother had me too soon so I stayed in the hospital for quite some time, until I was ready to leave. My family would always tell me how skinny I was, how I should eat more. I never complained since food is the way to the heart. I ate and ate till my family started criticizing. Mother took me to a doctor but they said I'd grow into the weight. I grew and grew but so did my body. By the end of it my family started poking fun at me, calling me names and constantly making fun of my weight. My mother told me not to care, to just be happy, but whenever she got mad at me the first thing she would bring up was my weight. I was never truly happy with myself, so I started to starve myself. Maybe then I'd be happy and my parents wouldn't poke fun of me. Months went by and so did the pounds. First ten and then 20 until I hit the weight I wanted. I was so proud of myself, even though I sacrificed my well being. I looked in the mirror but yet I still wasn't happy. "What did I do wrong" I asked myself. I dropped so much weight and yet I couldn't help but cry. I spent months starving myself and hearing people say "wow you look good, what did you do" while I would respond with "just exercised". People didn't care about how I felt, all they ever looked at was my physique. When did it start to go so wrong was it the day that I was born or was it when I laid eyes on my first meal. My family now tells me that I'm too skinny, and I don't know what else to do. I've been bottling up my happiness for way too long all I want to do is leave this world. It's a cursed world, where people look at the outside rather than the inside. I'm scared to date because I've had enough people criticize my every move. I hate going out because my friends either say I'm to big or say I'm not eating enough, I'm scared of this world. I want to live happily, where no one gives a shit about weight but rather says how do you feel. I want a world that doesn't bully others for being to fat or too skinny. A world that doesn't hate on race or gender, a place that loves and appreciates every type of living animal. It's been so long for us humans that criticizing is now in our blood stream. Wherever you go all I hear is "eww did you see that girl" or "damn mami come over here, fine you looked ugly anyways". It's been too long. Can we ever go back? Look in the mirror do you truly love yourself? Is there a part of your body that you hate? Is there a part that you love? If your struggling with self love, look in the mirror and just tell yourself "I'm good enough" and scream what you love about yourself because people around you don't give two fucks about you. Love yourself for being you.