13 Two Disciples Equals Twice the Trouble

"This young tiger saw Mount Tai and failed to recognize it! Please forgive this inexperienced tiger wise one!"

Now the tiger is prostrating itself on the ground, begging for my forgiveness. What made him do that?! Why is he addressing me as a wise one?

I glance at the bear to ask him for backup. He should help me resolve this silly misunderstanding. He nods confidently.

"Teacher is the best! He is a master of hiding! You have done well to have noticed his awesomeness instantly!"

That….is not what I was hoping for. Can that be considered as friendly fire?

"Of course, the wise one is the greatest! No matter what you desire this tiger to do, this tiger will! If you order this tiger to go east this tiger won't go west!"

"This bear too will go wherever teacher tells him to go! This bear was the first disciple of teacher! The position is already taken!"

Now even the bear is referring to himself in the third person. What is up with these guys?

"Oh, wise one! Can this tiger become your disciple too?"

[There is no way I …]

He suddenly leaps at me!

"Please this tiger wants to become your disciple! This tiger will do anything to receive your approval! Just say the word teacher!"

This tiger is now hugging my leg. Crying a river. Like in that expression? Well, this creature is so huge that I am seriously getting drenched right now.

What am I supposed to do? If this keeps up, I will have my own dojo soon enough. Ah well, whatever. For now, I just need to get him off me.

[Fine! I'll accept you but let go of my leg!]

He happily gets up. Then he starts laughing in a low voice.

"Hahahahahahahahaha"

I think this tiger is broken. The bear looks at the tiger and says in a patronizing tone.

"Don't worry about that, he's always like that. He's probably thinking about some plan or another. This tiger overthinks stuff too much."

Like he is one to talk! Both of them are the same! Oh well, I should probably let this go.

There is no way I'll make any of them understand something as complex as common sense. It's supposed to be simple? Yes, but not for them apparently. Kinda ironic how something called common varies so much depending on the culture.

"So, teacher what is the plan now?! Should we dig a new base of operation from scratch? I don't want to keep using this place if they know that we are here."

"What?! They know?! Why didn't you tell me before! This is bad we need to run! We should…"

I point at it.

[Sit!]

Surprisingly he does. Okay wow. I truly did that on a whim. Is this a tiger or a dog?

"Sorry about that, as long as teacher is here, I will valiantly remain!"

"Stop acting proud you are just relying on teacher to protect you, aren't you?!"

The tiger looks away guiltily. I have no idea what makes him think I have such power. Actually, this is probably a good thing. That I can't follow his train of thoughts I mean. This simply means that I am sane. Now time to use my exalted status as their mentor to get information out of them.

[Don't worry too much about it, now both of you.]

"YES, Teacher X2 !!!"

[…. What kind of magic do you guys know?]

"As a great bear, my specialty is body enhancement! Not to brag but I can dig extremely fast! I also learned some warding magic to protect my nest!"

So, all geared towards hiding better, not surprising. Also, who brags about digging fast? Are you some new model of excavator? I turn towards the other.

"I specialize in anti-divination magic, protection magic, and wind magic."

Alright, I can see how they became good friends. They both seem to have skills well suited to …well you know. I feel I might regret asking but…

[How did you two meet?]

"It's a funny story actually he was trying to hide and then I stumbled upon him. We then started talking and one thing led to another. I taught him many things. Especially on ways to hide from them."

[Who's them?]

"The gods! The aliens! Also, the evil monster tamers!"

That seems like a very wide variety. Is this place that bad?

[How many times did you encounter them?]

Hopefully, I can prepare myself for the worst. The tiger comes closer and whispers.

"Never, but they are always watching. A single slip-up and they beam you up in their UFOs!"

Wait, is he talking about what I think? Where did a tiger hear about UFOs? Is it the same thing I know?

[The aliens?]

"All of them! Do you think gods and beast tamers won't jump on the opportunity to get UFOs if it works so well?! The worst-case being for them to gang up on us and attack from many fronts at once!"

That…somehow really feels wrong. On so many levels. Don't tell me this tiger is a conspiracy theorist?! Meanwhile, the bear is calmly nodding along apparently approving everything said.

Then again, I might be an idiot for expecting common sense from a bear and a tiger. But seriously where the hell did they learn about all that stuff? It doesn't make sense.

Don't tell me the earth stories are somehow popular here too? What if they are actually right about all that? Unlikely but still.

Not a single thing was normal ever since I opened my eyes. For all I know, I did go crazy and I am imagining all of this. Like all these theories that say that Alice in the wonderful land is actually just some bad tripping crack head.

Anyway, there is something I am curious about.

[Both of you show me some magic you are proud of!]

They proceed. I was expecting some fireworks or something. The problem is nothing happens at all. They seem to be at work now yet I can't even discern anything.

[You guys can stop.]

"Wow, teacher you managed to see something in that short time!? You are amazing! Are you going to teach us magic?"

Of course not, fool! How am I supposed to teach something I don't understand myself?!

"Of course, teacher will teach us magic! Otherwise, why would he ask us to do such a thing? That much is obvious!"

Nope, I was just trying to try and learn by watching.

Now both are intently awaiting my instruction.

Did I just dig my own grave right now?