4 Resisting Oblivion

"Little one, let me tell you a story!"

This is the exact point in time my fight against insanity began. I keep talking not to lose my mind.

You see, here, the only unit of time measurement I have are my stories. Humans usually rely upon the sun to keep track of the passage of time. The day is bright, and the night is dark. Also full of terror you know.

Still, it is a simple and basic system that works well for its intended purpose. Everyone can agree on it. If you are ever wondering, you can always look at the giant flaming ball in the sky.

What happens when there is no such option? Let's say you are underground or for whatever reason you need to remain cooped-up inside a building with no windows. Then time can be told using technology. You can look at your watch and know for sure.

What happens in cases where both options are unavailable? Well, there is always the biological clock. Humans nowadays are used to regular schedules. People have a time they wake up and a time they go to sleep.

Just by knowing how sleepy one is, it's possible to figure that information out. Hell, some people even have an internal clock for shiting. Especially these guys that make sure to do their business on company time.

I am in a peculiar situation. There is no sun, there is no technology and I have no physical body. This means that I had to get creative. I started noticing the flow of time by the flow of my stories: one anime episode narration recap, one whole movie recap, one gaming highlight recap.

All of this is done through me talking about my life to my buddy, for hours and hours or as I would call it episodes. He is a really good listener. It is a great help, to be honest.

Loneliness is no joke. Most of the suicides are committed because of that. Because of a feeling of not belonging anywhere.

My recommendation for people that want more friends to talk to is to join the discords of their favorite novels. Easy way to find people sharing the same hobbies.

In that regard, he does keep me company. I call it he, but I truly don't know if my companion has a gender, or what it is at all. From time to time, he will answer with a well-timed distorted sound. Kinda like the nod equivalent humans have. Or the use of the ever so useful "Okay.".

Well, that may be me comforting myself. After all, I have no proof whatsoever that it is consciously listening to me. It may be more the instinctive reaction to my presence. Still, I would rather think him a friend than a detached bystander or even a potential enemy.

Being an optimist is sometimes necessary. Hope is necessary to live. So, I keep recounting my life experiences to him. Sometimes I backtrack to retell the same story but in a better way.

I feel like the more I keep at it the more I am improving. Kinda like that one author I knew. That mad lad didn't even speak English when he started his novel. Then a few months later he was releasing 3 chapters a day.

I am in a similar situation. At first, I had trouble structuring my ideas. Don't get me wrong I'm still not a good storyteller. But at least I'm now able to tell a story without adding tons of "ehhh…and this happened ahh….and this".

But there are bad days too. Well, bad undefined timeframes where it is harder. Sometimes, for some reason, my friend goes into sleep mode. At least that's how I call it. He'll just stand there (not literally) and do nothing, says nothing either.

Then this turns into a one-man show. Me talking aloud to no one. That reminds me of the time I tried streaming. I was truly lucky. At the time I had released a few gaming videos and I was well known in a small gaming community. As soon as I started, I already had a few viewers to share with and talk to.

But I did hear horror stories of streaming. People staring and talking to their camera for hours with not a single soul to answer them. Scary stuff really.

Sometimes a friend is all one needs. That famous painter that used to be on tv would say the same. God, I loved that guy!

After every sleep session, the creature I spend my time with comes back quickly to its curious self. Hopping around me (not literally) and awaiting my lectures. In such a way a lot of stories happen. Many, many stories.

To put things into perspective I get the feeling I have been here for at least a few years. I may be wrong. I have no clue. I wonder how long such a thing will keep going? I have asked myself that same question in countless instances already.

We keep going this way until I notice the sleep mode happening again. I am used to it. Just need to wait for a little while. For some reason, this seems to take longer than usual. I guess I am getting impatient. Such is the effect of time.

But that does not matter. I just need to hold on. No matter what. I just need to remain hopeful and mentally strong. I just need…this is definitely taking longer than usual.

At first, it is only a slight feeling, but soon enough I know it for a fact. Don't tell me my friend succumbed?! No…. I don't want to be left alone!

"Stay with me! Don't give up! I have so much more to tell you! You can't do this to me! You need to be there to cheer me up! You can't! You just can't! C'mon fight! Just fight! I don't fucking care how! Without you, there is no way I will be able to hold on. Please. My friend. Please. Fight it."

"Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please Please "

I wait but he doesn't react. This is over. All over.

I tried my best. I truly did.

Let this void claim me.

Let my existence be extinguished.

I do not care anymore. I just want this pain to be over. My only friend. The last one, gone just like that. Not waking up anymore.

I won't hear his cute gibberish. I won't converse with him anymore. I opened my heart and soul to him. A part of me died with him. I won't be myself anymore.

I'm mentally strong? I can do this for so long? Who am I kidding? I can't. How risible. I can already feel my soul weakening.

This is for the best. Let it end. That's when I hear it, a deep melodious voice. One seemingly as ancient as the world.

[Hello little friend.]

Wait?! Is that who I think this is?! I would cry tears of joy right now if I could! I can't wait to have a proper conversation with my friend!

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