The Strongest Man: Origin

As I dropped into the shady warehouse with my lazy brown hair, lady-killing gray eyes, and a six-pack that almost no one ever sees in my day-life, I stared down my opponent for the night. The bald man with the pointy beard who stood across from me descended into laughter.

"THE LAST PERSON I'LL EVER MEET, HUH? WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! A SUPERHERO?!"

Instead of answering his question directly, I straightened my mouth line and moved my left set of fingers to my chin.

"If you want to, you can call me Strong. And I think I'll call you..."

"MY NAME IS STAR! THAT'S LORD STAR TO YOU!"

A lightbulb went off my head as I snapped my chin-holding fingers.

"Ah! You look exactly like one of those garden gnomes you see in the outdoors section. It's uncanny, really…"

"MY! NAME! IS! LORD! STAR! GET IT RIGHT, FAKE HERO!"

"Nice to meet you, Lord of the Gnomes. Now, where were we? Oh, I guess this is the point where you explain what your evil plan is before I kick your ass. Might as well make it quick, since I have plans in the morning. Sleep is valuable, you kn-"

"GAH! JUST SHUT UP ALREADY AND GET OUT OR DIE! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, JACKASS?!"

"Like I said, I go by Strong. However, a lot of people know me by the name people use in their stories that describe me."

I decided to make an attempt to approach the table with Sir Gnome-man standing behind it, even though I'm aware that he is going to have his guards move in on me. Not that that's really going to make a difference, anyways.

"WAIT… A legend? Wait, are you- IT CAN'T BE-"

"Looks like you've heard of the stories. Yep, it's me. I'm The Strongest Man. And I really need to make this quick."

*

Yarinaoshi: The Strongest Man

II: The Strongest Man: Origin

*

Gnomenuts took a step backwards from the table as the realization of who his opponent is set in.

"You- You're- WHY ARE YOU HERE?! WHAT DO WANT WITH ME?!"

"I'm here because I discovered that you're committing a great travesty to the world. I won't stand for what you're doing, Sir Gnome."

"THE HELL YOU MEAN BY THAT?! I WON'T LET YOU GET ANY CLOSER!"

As expected, I was instantaneously encircled by a ring of guards. I released a sigh as I realized that this is going to take more time than I thought.

"INTRUDER, PUT YOUR HANDS UP!"

"Fine, fine. Here you go."

I begrudgingly threw my hands up into the air while planning my next move.

"So, Gnomeo, why don't you tell me about your project here while I stand here trapped with no hope of escaping and living to see my family for another day?"

"Hmph, why should I explain this product to you?! You won't live to see the massive success that it will have in the market," said the Clay Dwarf as he folded his arms in triumph.

"Woah, my source was right. So this is what you're up to…"

At that moment, I just so happen to be casually observing the product with my bare back leaned against the table.

I could take the time to explain how I slipped out of the ring of guards, but I really want to make this quick.

The Bird Monster fell on his ass with shock as he noticed my sudden appearance.

"BUT- HOW- WHAT THE-"

"I could take the time to explain, but I really want to make this quick. I have some questions for you now… HOW DARE YOU MAKE THIS?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

I picked up the slim box as my mind and my mouth slipped into a mom-like rant.

"DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE DOING?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY LIVES YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN WITH THIS?! FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN, YOU'RE MESSING WITH PEOPLE'S LIVELIHOODS HERE!"

I raised the box up near my head. The name on the box could be seen as day as I continued my rant.

"IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW, RABBIT-DETERRENT! YOU'RE MAKING PIRATED COPIES OF THE NEW GTA GAME SO YOU CAN LINE YOUR RAGGY POCKETS!"

"HOW DARE YOU CALL MY CREATION 'PIRATED'?!" said the Naughty Gnome of the West as he picked himself up.

"THAT COPY YOU'RE HOLDING IS MOST CERTAINLY THE REAL THING! PEOPLE WHO BUY THIS PRODUCT WILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF THE GAME THAT EXISTS!"

I dropped the box back onto the table, closed my eyes, and moved my right fist to my heart.

"I can't… I can't let you do this to the world. Those developers… That studio… They all worked so damn hard to produce this shiny new game that's going to put smiles on tons of crazed teens and drunk adults all over the world. You have to realize that what you've done is despicable and heartless…"

As I opened my eyes, fresh tears began to softly stream down my cheeks. I could see question marks circling the Garden King's head as he witnessed my tender moment.

"Wait, really man? You're crying over a game? You can't tell me you've never even pirated a game, or a song, or anime before-"

"HEY MAN, IT WAS ONE TIME! I ONCE TORRENTED AN EPISODE OF THIS SHOW ABOUT THIS GUY WHO'S FATHER MARRIES THE MOTHER OF HIS TEACHER THAT HE HAS A CRUSH ON AND HER YOUNGER SISTER THAT HE SPENT THE NIGHT WITH ONCE… I… I know it was a garbage anime… but still…"

"I don't really think pirating that show in particular counts… but, anyways, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?! FIND THE DOOR OR DIE!"

I wiped my face and moved my arms to my sides, clenching my fists. I stood tall and proudly within my hero's costume, which consisted of faded jeans and a pair of black sneakers. My attire perfectly represented the income I produced as a pizza delivery driver.

"Despite the transgression that I committed long ago, I have reformed myself, and I look to reform others too. You should always acquire media legally in order to support the author or developer's work. That is one of my goals in life-"

"SCREW THAT! I'M GONNA MAKE A SHIT-TON OF MONEY SO I CAN FOLLOW MY DREAM… MY DREAM OF BECOMING AN INFLUENCER!"

It took me a second to process Mr. Mud's declaration.

With only the whites of my eyes visible, I said, "You? An influencer? Honestly, who wants to pay attention to a self-centered garden gnome who screams all the time? Also, someone would eventually do some digging to unearth how you made your money…"

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU! GUARDS, KILL THIS MAN!"

Oh, we're finally getting to the action portion of this battle. Let the fun begin.

Every guard in the building fired bullets in my direction, which I began to deflect by rapidly moving my hands. Once the barrage ended, bullets were laying in piles around my feet as a single bead of sweat appeared above my right eye. As the Gnome-in-Chief allowed his jaw to gape with shock, I smiled with anticipation.

"Is that it? Why don't you guys drop your guns and fight me WITH YOUR FISTS!"

One of the guards dropped his gun and ran towards me.

"ARE YOU MOCKING US?! WE'RE THE ELITE GUARDS OF LORD STAR! YOU WILL BE DEFEATED!"

As I awaited the arrival of the patriotic guard, I took a moment to clean out my right ear. I realized that I had forgotten to clean my ears that morning. Now I can just feel all the gunk built up.

"Wow… Oh, man… All this crap in my ear… IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF!"

As my canal-clearing effort became more intense, the proactive guard that declared his elite status neared my location. He raised his fist, aiming for the bridge of my nose.

"YOU'RE THROUGH, WANNABE!"

As his fist neared my head, my excitement, combined with my ear-induced rage, began to boil my blood.

"Heh, you're in the perfect spot..."

I reared my fist back, aiming towards the aggressor's own fist.

"Thanks for volunteering to be first. Now, enjoy hell."

I slammed my fist into his, causing shockwaves to radiate around us.

Everything seemed to freeze for a moment. It was as if the pin was just pulled.

Shortly after, the waiting period after the pull expired, and the figurative grenade exploded.

The color seemed to briefly turn black-and-white in the room as the bones in the guard's arm shattered. Within a second, he was forced backwards through a wall and into the forest.

As the echoes of the shockwaves began to clear out, I stood with my fist still in the air. Eventually, I turned my head towards the other guards, revealing my grin of adrenaline. I observed all of them standing in shock.

"Who's next?"