Desire to move forward

Xiao Su waited anxiously in her room. After her part finished smoothly, she'd returned home and immediately headed to her room ordering that no one is to disturb her, despite the pleading maid girl. However, she hadn't heard from He Lan yet. If something went wrong on her side then everything would've been pointless, not to mention the potential trouble He Lan could be in. She trusted in He Lan's abilities, but she still couldn't help being worried when He Lan wasn't back yet and she should've finished before her.

'Ah well, it's He Lan so it should be fine,' Xiao Su comforted herself. Just then, He Lan entered through her window as usual.

"You're alright!" Xiao Su said excitedly, her biggest worry gone. "Did everything go ok?" She anxiously asked her second worry.

He Lan did a respectful bow and said, "He Lan greets madam. To answer madam's question, this servant took care of everything appropriately." In a respectful and dutiful, though cold, tone.

Xiao Su froze as chills went down her back. Everything went well, but she couldn't enjoy it. Everything He Lan did was perfectly normal for a servant, expected even, but it wasn't just a servant, it was He Lan. He Lan would only treat Xiao Su respectfully like this when she was angry.

"He-He Lan, are you angry?" Xiao Su asked tentatively.

He Lan did a light bow and said politely "I thank the madam for your concern, but my mental state isn't something you should be burdened with, please do not worry."

'No, I'm worried, I'm definitely worrying about it!' Xiao Su screamed in her head. She'd confirmed it with that response, she was definitely mad, however, it didn't seem the situation couldn't be handled. She was only calling her 'madam', if it was at that level, she could still talk this out. When she called her 'mistress', or 'master', if she was that angry, she wouldn't talk or interact with her, unless it was business, and it would last for a minimum of ten days with nothing Xiao Su could do to change it. "Did you want the inheritance?" She asked carefully.

"While I would have certainly liked to have received the inheritance, I understand Madam's logic. It was found on the Xiao family compound, it'd be wrong to give it to someone not of the Xiao family, it makes sense as Madam is a member of said family." He Lan answered dutifully.

'If it's not the inheritance, then it's probably that' Xiao Su pondered. "I'm sorry I asked for your help in this, I know you don't like Xiao Ren, but this was the only way I could think of, I was inconsiderate of you, and for that, I'm sorry" She bowed her head and apologized to her. Xiao Ren never accepted anything from Xiao Su, not money or pills or battle skills, only advice, he'd grudgingly accept. She had to give him the inheritance unaware, but she couldn't do that herself. She'd asked He Lan to help Xiao Ren, someone she openly dislikes, get something she wanted, it was undeniably inconsiderate, she could only apologize earnestly.

He Lan silently stared at the bowed figure for a short while before sighing. "Inheritances are precious, I don't understand why you'd give it to someone who has hostility towards you." She said in her usual tone. Xiao Su found the inheritance from an old book while learning languages. It didn't seem to be a perilous inheritance, one where a trial was needed, making it a very rare commodity even among inheritances. Xiao Su couldn't use it herself, since it had a high chance of crippling her if it imparted a strong battle skill, but He Lan couldn't understand why such a prize was wasted on Xiao Ren. If the answer was something like, "He's my friend." Then she'd truly get angry with her.

Xiao Su let out a breath at He Lan's return to her usual tone before making a serious expression. Why did she help XIao Ren? While she'd like to say, because he's my friend, it wouldn't be the true reason. Xiao Ren's words that night were mostly filled with self pity and bitterness, but there was some genuine malice towards her in them as well, she couldn't earnestly treat him as a friend after that. Rather, the reason was actually even simpler.

"I did it to balance my heart, I owed him too much," She said firmly.

He Lan narrowed her eyes at this unexpected yet still stupid answer. "From what I've seen, He's gained a lot more from your relationship than you have, you helped him train and even offered resources, you have nothing to feel guilty about" She responded snappily with a mild bit of anger.

What was given up today was an inheritance, a real inheritance! Inheritances often contain priceless treasures. Anything from riches, weapons, pills, ancient knowledge, cultivation techniques, and even memories could be gained from an inheritance. Fates have been shifted and even entire kingdoms have transformed due to a small farm boy's lucky encounter with an inheritance. They were undoubtedly number one on the list of things young cultivators lusted for, and now one was gone from the world, used on Xiao Ren. If it was given out of some misguided guilt then she couldn't excuse it.

"That's not true" Xiao Su shook her head firmly. "It may look that way but it's different" She asserted.

He Lan's narrowed her eyes but stayed silent to hear her reasoning.

"The reason why I was friends with Xiao Ren, is probably because he's normal. His strength isn't good, his comprehension isn't good, and his background isn't good, he's not terrible in anything but he's the epitome of normal, and that was comforting. It was nice to be around someone who wasn't amazing, it took some pressure off and I could just unwind, it was relaxing for me. I thought it was the same for him, but that was just my own self-indulgence." Here, her face turned to a self-ridiculing smile.

"What was calming for me, was torture for him. His normalcy wasn't something he desired, he hated it. He has high aspirations, he wants to be exceptional, he desires power desperately, I was basically getting comfort from what gave him misery. He doesn't know about my situation, to him, I, who has everything he wants, must be an existence that has denounced everything he dreams of, it's understandable he'd grow to hate me" She continued. "Though it looks like I did more for him than he did for me, he didn't get any satisfaction from our relationship while I did. I'm too used to you who'll accept anything I give and will ask me when you want something. I didn't handle Xiao Ren properly, I wasn't any real help to him. I can't just leave it like that, I needed to repay what I owe him for what he's done for me, that's why I gave him a chance to change his fate to what he wished." She finished earnestly.

He Lan silently absorbed this information before saying "Personally, I still think it's his fault for being a hypocrite and denying something handed to him when he clearly wants it, but, I suppose I can understand your reasoning." In a resigned tone. Truthfully, she felt Xiao Ren lucked out way too hard and she was green with envy inside, but it'd already happened, and, while she didn't agree with it, she at least understood the reason now. She still had a lot of complaints, but she didn't feel the need to stay mad at Xiao Su any longer. Besides, she'd taken most of her anger out on Xiao Ren when she 'gently' guided him there. "So, what do you plan to do now?" she asked.

"I'm going to solve my deviation." Xiao Su answered seriously. She'd payed back what she owed and her mind was calm, it was time to get back to what was important.

"So that's it? You aren't going to finish dealing with Xiao Ren?" He Lan asked in confusion. Getting back to the main objective was all well and good, but the timing was…

"Yeah, isn't that what I said I'd do?" Xiao Su answered as if it was obvious. Xiao Su understood Xiao Ren but it didn't mean she'd just forgive it. She valued friendship immensely after she was abandoned by all her so-called friends when she failed to progress, but, she still had her pride. She wouldn't beg someone who hated her to be her friend. She'd repaid her debt, it hurts to let go and she wished they wouldn't part this way, but whether they would continue to be friends in the future was up to Xiao Ren. He responded to her letter, so he at least thought something of her, but she still wanted to see what move he'd make after finally acquiring power. This was the answer she came up with.

He Lan didn't know what to say. It's true that Xiao Su had said she'd change his talent then leave him, but she hadn't thought she'd meant it so literally. 'She gave a life changing inheritance to someone she doesn't intend to continue associating with, just out of a pure, sincere desire to pay them back, ' when she though that, He Lan suddenly felt exhausted. Her anger and frustration all felt pointless now. How could she have forgotten that the master she accepted was just this kind of foolish person?

"Have you made any headway?" She asked in a tired tone, completely fed up with any conversation on Xiao Ren.

Xiao Su was silent for an extended period before saying. "When I said I'd solve it I meant tomorrow" in a serious manner.

He Lan's eyes widened as she shivered slightly, feeling like a bolt of electricity had run through her and vaporized her exhaustion. She glared at Xiao Su's small face before asking "Shouldn't you run more tests first?" in a still tone.

"I've run all the tests I could, all that's left is the real attempt." Xiao Su said solemnly.

He Lan continued to glare at her, clearly unconvinced. "You're being hasty." She said in an absolutely frigid tone.

Xiao Su flinched and avoided her gaze. She could still do more testing, but she couldn't wait anymore. Xiao Ren's words had brought up her many insecurities and frustrations. She'd been stuck for six years, six, long, painful years of standing motionless while the world moved on around her. She couldn't take it anymore, she'd rather risk death than continue like this. He Lan was right, she was being hasty, she knew that, but even if it's a day earlier she wanted to be free, to move forward. Also, "No matter how many tests I run ahead of time, it's impossible to know the results without doing it, we've learned this through experience." Xiao Su said with a bitter smile.

He Lan stood silently. She looked as cool as ever on the surface, but a turbulence of emotions lay beneath. "Do you have confidence?" She finally asked through pursed lips.

Xiao Su hesitated for as second before answering, "I wouldn't be trying it if I didn't," she said, as it was obvious, "I don't think there's anything wrong with the sealing method but… it's a bit difficult. It'd be better if I could sense my qi more accurately, but that's extremely difficult in my state." honestly.

He Lan nodded as she took the information in silently. "I'll ask Xiao Da if there's any pills that could be of use."

Xiao Su nodded, "If there's such a thing it'd be helpful."

"I'll go now." He Lan said as she moved to the window. "Don't do anything until I'm there." She ordered coldly.

"Thanks." Xiao Su said with a smile. Though she sounded as cold as ever, she knew He Lan was genuinely concerned for her.

He Lan said nothing more as she hopped out the window. Xiao Su closed the window and stood in thought for a while. "It'll work this time, it has to" she whispered to herself as she stood staring out the window with trembling hands.