10 Brooding and crying over spilled milk

Wei Lin, Lady Wei as everybody called her, felt lethargic and grumpy. Luckily, the morning sickness didn't bother her all that much anymore. She had heard from the older maids that the nausea only lasted a couple of months at the beginning and, indeed, it started pretty early, even before she noticed her pregnancy with the absence of her periods. However, she didn't think it would last all the way till the end ! It was only bearable once she managed to force down her breakfast, and sadly, most of her food was tasteless.

Her sense of smell never recovered ever since the beginning of her pregnancy and the aroma of her favorite dishes as well as a lot of usually pleasant scents only managed to turn her stomach. It was almost Hell and she felt that all the princesses or the concubines she met in the Palace were purposely wearing heavy and heady perfumes or bringing fragrant food as a show of deference to the Empress Dowager.

Zhou Xi's mother, the Empress Dowager Li Feng Lan, was well-liked in the whole Selnan empire. She also often dealt with charities and, from nobles to peasants, everybody was singing her praises. Making it all the more difficult for the other people of the Palace to exist. Nobody could ever compare to her. Her power was so formidable that all the women vied to curry favor with her.

She was still officially Empress since the Emperor was still alive but his health condition was so bad that most of the time the First Prince Zhou Xi was acting as emperor with a lot more powers that the crown princes of the previous generations.

When she was younger, Li Feng Lan even pestered the emperor to let her accompany him during his visits in the Duchies. It was the utmost privilege for the local lords and nobles she graced with her presence. But she was also definitely showing off her influence in political affairs. A woman mingling in politics was supposedly a disgrace but this never applied to her. She was undeniably a major asset. It could be said that she was Selnan true ruler but actually, in their young days, the Imperial couple had been the two pillars supporting Selnan with all their might. Both of them had been very strong, their partnership the best example of the harmony advocated by the Emperor.

Nowadays, she liked to reminisce her travels across the country, while eating regional delicacies and she held the Inner Palace's reins with an iron fist. With her husband, they belonged to the previous generation and didn't mind stepping down if Selnan needed fresh blood.

Even though it was very rude to the ailing emperor Guo Ning, Zhou Xi was not a mere substitute. In people's eyes he was almost already the new emperor. With his skills and the unfailing support of the frighteningly powerful Li Feng Lan, who would dare to contend with him for the throne ?

For Lady Wei, it was a godsend as she was about to give birth to Zhou Xi's first child, hopefully a boy, and Li Feng Lan's grandchild. Even the emperor seemed satisfied with this situation as he was well aware that his weak health could cause many problems to a large empire like Selnan.

Selnan needed a strong ruler and without any succession strife, the empire would really thrive. He was the first family-oriented emperor in all Selnan's History. He dedicated his whole life to the empire welfare but never ever neglected his wives and children. Teaching them that cooperation was more beneficial to the country. His whole family joining force to protect the empire was his true pride. He never thirsted for power. Sadly, he was not in charge of his daughters in law's upbringing. In spite of Li Feng Lan's guidance, the atmosphere in the Inner Palace was harmful and the wives and concubines schemed against one another endlessly.

In her current pregnant state, Lady Wei felt vulnerable and hated her weakened self. The worst was that a few weeks ago, her skin started to itch all over. She first thought that she had been poisoned but the imperial doctors were adamant : the cause was her own liver which was unable to sustain both her body and her child's body in her womb. Luckily, she was not confined in her chambers but she had to follow a strict diet and drink liters of a bitter herbal medicinal tea. It was hardly enough to prevent her from scratching her body or face until she bled, scarring her perfect complexion and marring her beauty. She would never assume Zhou Xi was past leaving her or sending her to the Cold Palace if her disfigured face displeased him. He could be quite fickle regarding his women.

All day long, Wei Lin had to dig her nails into her palms, fist tightly clenched, and keep a straight or cheerful face and this waste of her willpower was exhausting. Only when she was alone in her chambers or with Xian could she be her true self. Even with Soon-Yi, she needed to put up a front. She knew she couldn't fool the wise Great Mage. It was simply akin to being polite, part of the deeply ingrained role of the poised and ever graceful favorite wife.

She longed for Xian to come back. She knew he was out there to settle the matter regarding the attack of the carriage. However, she missed his silent presence. Even when he was supposedly gone on a mission in Lysania, he'd still managed to save her. Now he was truly absent, she couldn't possibly rely on him, on his strength and unwavering loyalty.

Even Soon-Yi had left in a hurry, leaving her alone surrounded by foes. Wei Lin felt like crying. Hopefully, no one would see the dignified Lady Wei bawling her eyes out like a helpless child.

With a bitter self-loathing smile, tears still flowing out of her eyes, ruining her make-up, she surmised that the First Prince Zhou Xi, at least, would probably not come to visit her. He kept his contacts with his wives to a minimum as he was a busy man and didn't wish to be bothered by his women's rivalry. Now that she was alone, even with his child in her womb, her appeal was hardly higher than any other wife. Possibly lower if it was a matter of nightly entertainment.

She would never admit it, especially not to her rivals and not even over her dead body to Xian himself, but her instincts told her that in reality, Zhou Xi was unconsciously attracted to Xian. For a long time, even though he was still very young and always tried to be inconspicuous, the latter had been a living magnet to anyone and everyone. She, herself, was far from being indifferent to his charms and qualities. Even if her feelings didn't seem to warrant the name of love, it was rather unsettling. She liked to think he was only a tool but couldn't explain her anxiety when he was missing. Could it be that magic was involved ?

Xian himself was a mystery to her. Even when dressed in the maid uniform, with his golden hair dyed brown, he didn't seem out of place. He looked, behaved and sounded just like a girl. One night, Wei Lin even caught her slightly drunk husband kissing an unresisting Xian and had been utterly dumbfounded. Zhou Xi always denied making a move on one of her maid/bodyguard but she didn't believe him. After all, she caught them red-handed. What befuddled her was that Xian didn't resist at all. Or at least, she hadn't seen him struggle. With his tremendous strength, he could have beaten the First Prince up a thousand times and throw him miles away. He even had strange magic powers that even mystified the highly-praised Great Mage Soon-Yi. But he didn't move an inch, obediently letting himself be kissed. Afterwards, she couldn't confront them with any proof since she was the only witness at that time. Moreover, she couldn't afford to displease the powerful Zhou Xi, as he held her future and the life of her child in his hands.

Xian, on the other hand, behaved exactly the same as ever. Lady Wei didn't know if she should be relieved or upset in front of his obvious lack of reaction. What would she have done if he blushed or was flustered. She just didn't want to consider it. She definitely felt uneasy but didn't really know if it was jealousy, toward Xian or Zhou Xi ?, or even envy. Her head had been a mess due to over-thinking thus she was happy to accept the invitation to the party, hoping to take a well-deserved breather without worrying about Xian or Zhou Xi. However, the First prince had belatedly also accepted the invitation and Xian saved them from the attack and the burning carriage. How could she not feel like screaming in anger ?

Unexpectedly, when she was brooding over the past, she didn't feel like scratching her skin at all. True, she was craving for an occasion to slap Xian until she was satisfied but knew this would never happen. When he was near her, Xian's presence soothed her heart. She felt safe and comforted, her mind put to rest as if everything was as it should be. Her anger was disappearing into thin air… and then her basic needs would take over : binge-eating even though she had to follow a diet, over-sleeping because she had been exhausted or scratching her skin because of the unbearable itch. Even her pregnancy nuisances struck back with renewed ferocity.

In the end, whether Xian was by her side or not, she couldn't help but be upset about everything. Even Xian had felt taut due to her ever changing mood swings. Soon-Yi had tried to pacify them by separating them, entrusting Xian with a random but appealing mission in Lysania, but to no avail. The three of them just had to endure a little longer until the baby's birth and then, everything would naturally settle down, their relationships going back to their former state : efficient and mutually beneficial.

And with Xian helping her, she would regain her popularity. She was sure to receive many visits with her precious newborn child, maybe the next heir. Moreover, Zhou Xi would visit more often as he unconsciously also enjoyed Xian's presence and she would regain and even exceed her status of favorite wife. "Mother to the heir apparent for the next generation", this sounded like music to her ears. She just needed to be patient and endure. As always, her persistence was sure to be rewarded. Gritting her teeth, clenching her fists, enduring and persevering, that was what she had to do most of her life. Other than that, she desperately needed to regain her edge and start scheming again. Being a passive victim didn't suit her at all !

Still pondering, Wei Lin realized that it was quite late and she had started to fell sleepy. However, she wanted to take a bath before going to bed, to ease her itching. It always worsen if she was sweating even ever so slightly. She wished she could have a hot and relaxing bath but only a cold bath would numb her skin enough for her to fall asleep. Otherwise, even if she was exhausted, she would toss and turn, unable to truly rest.

She called for a maid and realized with horror that nobody answered even though she raised her voice. Something was off. She was by herself and it was utterly terrifying. In a state of panic, she even started to raise hell but to no avail. Cold sweat was coating her brow or sliding on her back. The surrounding silence was unnerving. She called for help over and over again. Tears found their way out of her eyes. She felt scared and helpless. She couldn't even run with her big belly. She would be caught in the blink of an eye, it would be useless and deadly. Then, her only choice was to hide. But it was already too late.