1.1

Kei woke up suddenly, sitting down. he moved so abruptly that if there was someone in the room they would feel their heart jump from fright.

blinking, those big eyes seem to gain a few drops of tears, making him look all the more precious, as he looked around in confusion, his hands tightly gripping his blanket. suddenly a realisation flashed in his eyes and he relaxed, jumping forward from his bed towards the mirror.

yes, still himself! honey-brown eyes that seem to flash clockwise with a brilliant show of light at every moment, looking as deep as their own universe. short black messy hair that seem half-assed yet abnormally fluffy, like a cat, creamy white skin without any blemish and a slightly red seductive lips. yup, that was him. eyes mesmerising enough to drown in, hair silky enough to be a fur and skin soft enough to always yearn to touch. his looks seem to radiate naivety and 'the guy next door' vibe, making him approachable. he looked like the ultimate 'the other's child'. the smart obedient good hearted and innocent child all want to have. he was quite short and with a baby-face making him look even younger, a thing his big eyes were only making worst, he looked like a child, and his voice was even as soft as one, even more-so than women's. pleasant to the ear and alluring without needing to add much. one can imagine how terrible it is when he tries to soften his voice as well.

he smiled, and the world seem to be at awe, moving just a tiny bit slower to enjoy the view. you could almost feel the soft fluffy vibe radiated from him. he looked like a defenseless animal, he nodded his smile growing, charming the world. he went back to his bed and sat down, going over the memories he got from Kei.

Kei Yuuma seem to be a nice, albeit naive individual. had always thought of things in a positive light, no matter how bad things got.

the story, which our mc seem to receive with the memories, was a really simple and easy one:

boy meets girl, boy fall for girl, girl falls for a boy, they going on dates, events and falling in love. it was a simple, fluffy, and honestly nice story with 'first love' as its theme. it seem that this was not even the main of the story and was just 'book 1' in the series. in 'book 2' they were seperated and each lived their life and only in 'book 3' were they to meet again, after not managing to get over each-other completely even through all this time.

'book 1' was about 2 years of their life and was nice naive and quite childish book, about a fantastical 'first love' where there was no actual villain, where loving the female or the male lead does not cause an ultimate death, but being fed dog-food instead until you feel like puking, and leaving them in their 'only for two world', where no one seem to be capable to barge in on.

some try, some make them jealous, there are misunderstandings and the two do fight, but in book 1 for the very least, nothing drastic happen as it is just a love drama between a couple throughout school.

the school is one of the best in the nation, and it seem dating at that school wasn't allowed, but that type of story reeks of shugary flavor enough to cause any person to break their teeth. the story way too nice, considerate, and villain free! not one, for the whole first book, get any sort of retribution! the ending was almost perfect in it's conclusion, drowned in love and happy ending! the male lead basically ask his main rival and biggest threat to nicely leave the two alone!

only at the start of the '2 book' do things take a dark turn. it starts with Kei's death, a thing that leaves the female lead devastated, as she is blaming herself. deciding to move with her family instead of staying alone, without them, even though it means she won't ever see the place she grew up in again. she just couldn't take being near the place where her best friend died.

yes, Kei Yuuma was the female lead childhood friend. he DID NOT love her. no matter how much the male lead said he does.

he was one of the main misunderstanding factors in the story, to the point that when he died many who read that book said 'good riddance'.

after all, he was always with the female lead (his only friend), he was nice to her more than anyone else (she was his life only light), would always help her no matter what or when she asked him (wanted to escape his own life and so enjoyed crashing into hers), forgiving her no matter how many times she let him down (had no other friends and no matter how she acted, was still the nicest person he knew) and acted like the typical 'supporting male lead' in many shows.

still, he did not love her, she was just the nicest person he knew even though she started to act more and more badly towards him as the story progressed. he acted so much like a 'supporting male lead' that the male lead was really jealous of him and even managed to convince the female lead that he loved her, which made her try and distance herself from him.

Now, let's talk about Kei Yuuma story. The female and male lead were acting their own personal love drama; trying to deal with how they feel, the rule of 'no dating' in school, wanting to confess, go on dates, and being jealous of one thing or another, misunderstanding each other constantly, and feeding everybody dog-food on a daily basis.

At the same time Kei has starred in his own personal tragedy, going through the hardest time of his life. his father ran away, his big brother blamed him for his father running away, and his best friend, the one and only light in his life was beginning to act more and more distant from him and didn't even tell him why. he was sure he did something wrong. But he was a positive person, he thought he would fix this; he would work harder, he loved his brother and helped with the debt his father left. he loved his mother who works so hard for the two of them she wasn't in his life and want her to look less exhausted. he would talk to his friend and apologies and she would forgive him on whatever it was he accidently did wrong, he truly believed it would get better. he was wrong.

him being more nice and considerate towards her and trying to get closer to her as she acted coldly towards him, had only seem to verify for her that he did love her and looked at her like that. she acted worst to him. but, they were best friend, she couldn't completely cut him off from her life, he was the one she always talked with about everything. she really felt the most comfortable hanging with him, and he didn't seem troubled with her talking about her boyfriend, so she let it go, just making the line clear. Unconsciously she already started to treat him for granted, which was understood. most childhood friends are taken for granted. Her male lead, though, fumed for this, feeling neglected and threatened and thinking she rather be with Kei rather then him, even though from start to finish, they both saw each other as nothing more than childhood friends.

As she began dating in earnest with the male lead and get distracted with the feeling of being in love, she 'unknowingly' neglected her best friend. one missed call here, one meeting late there, a few texts unanswered here, hours of late arrival there. it all built up more and more, as she was always distracted by her 'beloved one', which wanted her to focus on him rather then her childhood friend, and made her sometimes even completely miss hanging out with him.

Even when she promised, and sweared, and he told her that she had to come, because it was really really important to him, she didn't. instead she told him the next day that she is sorry but had something 'more important' to do before blushing and gushing about her and her boyfriend's first kiss, which finally happened.

Looking at it from her side, it was completely reasonable. she just didn't go a few times with her friend. he would understand, they would meet next time. she was lovestruck and anybody who feels that way forget about anything other than the one they love, it was not a big deal. it was for Kei. she was HIS ONLY FRIEND. he was too busy working to gain money, too busy trying to study, keeping his grades as one of the top, in order to have a future. too busy to find any new friends. she was his only one. at this point HE HAD to forgive her, hoping next time she would truly be there. yet his main reason for forgiving her is despite all her faults, she still was the nicest person he knows. nicer than his brother who likes to insult him, telling him everything is his fault, nicer than his new boss who finds faults with him and everything he did, nicer than the bullies who bullied him at school for simply being smart and scrawny, and beat him up, or any others. she was even nicer then his mother for the simple fact that unlike his mother, she sometimes did do as she said and showed up, paying attention to him.

But, as was said before, he was a positive thinker. he was sure it would only be temporary. he would stay in the job and get accustomed to it or fired, before finding another one. his brother would realise he loves him and forgive him, or for the very least leave him be after they both finish paying the debt. he would study hard and get a scholarship, letting him have a bright future and solve all his problems. and his best friend would tone down to normal after some time with that boyfriend of hers, starting to pay attention to her surroundings once again, he could wait, it was temporary. besides, he had quite enjoyed watching her gushing over her boyfriend with shining eyes like that. it was not that he wanted her to look at him like that, but that he wanted to act like that himself. he wanted, like her, believe the only problem he have in life is sneaking out with his date without their parents knowing and denying the rumors they are dating while in school, trying their hardest to not get punished by 'trifling' school laws, and whenever he was with her he could fall into the illusion that he was an ordinary teen that cares about love and nothing else mattered, she was and stayed his shelter. the only peaceful place he could go to. and so he could ignore being the main person the main leads fed dog-food to daily. more than anyone else, he was the one that was fed it the most, knowing about their relationship through being the female lead best friend, and having the male lead trying to show 'ownership' over his girlfriend, so the 'poor second male lead' wont get the wrong idea. it bothered him, but he moved on, he was positive.

than his mother died. she overworked herself, his brother blamed him for this as well, the job he worked at decided to pay less for more hours, his bullying never stopped, and he was malnourished. and his only happy place, his only shrine, the fake piece of normalcy in his life still seem to hang out with him less and less. he didn't even care if the two leads would come together. it was at that time that he began to barge on their dates to try and be there, to feel normal, to deny the sense of crisis of his life falling to pieces. he even started to ask her, beg her to spend more time with him. she started to act colder to him again, he started to enter depression and her boyfriend had finally felt safe enough in their relationship to tell him directly that he doesn't like him being so close to her. he directly said to him "she doesn't like to be with you, why don't you leave her be?" Kei would normally speak to his best friend about that, but he was completely depressed and started to believe his brother's words. it was all his fault, he caused all of this and now he bothered his one and only friend when she finally got her happiness. it makes sense. he would get rid of himself too if he was her. and so, the first book ended with the bother that had floated around them disappearing, the greatest obstacle in their love gone, their love growing stronger, and them believing nothing can tear them apart! The second book began a few months after, in which her parents are moving, and her best friend was found dead, by her. he killed himself. he was only found a few days after he died when the female lead had remembered his existence and wanted to speak about what to do after finding out she might need to move out, checking his favorite hiding-spot.

To Kei defence, he did manage to survive months without her before feeling like he could no longer go on. so she, finding her best friend rotting, stinking body, puked, called the police, found out both his parents were gone and only his big brother was at home, and still had not noticed he was missing, and left feeling guilty about not even knowing about what had happened to his parents.

And he was Kei. he was that book only sacrifice, and those who read it felt great about finally getting rid of an obstacle for good. only at book 2 do we find him dead, get a few lines about what the female lead knows about the situation, which is almost nothing, and seeing her trying her hardest to get over it in a new place while making new friends. all while her hardest thing at the time would be getting over her boyfriend, rather then her best friend's death, and no reader found anything wrong with that!

Kei sighed and looked at the wishes bound to the body, already feeling how troublesome it would be:

~to forever smile no matter what happens, his greatest regret is falling to depression and dragging his best friend with him, even though her life was just fine.

~to get into a good college, something he died before having a chance to do.

~to find his own happiness and true love, a thing he always wished for yet never thought he deserved.

~to watch over his best friend and her boyfriend love once again, as no matter how bittersweet it felt, being with them still was the happiest he ever felt.

~to feed his best friend just as much dog-food as she fed him. Kei had never seen anyone holding a grudge so nicely and considerately before, because that what it was, a grudge. having Kei's feelings he could tell. he couldn't help but laugh at the previous person being so caring, even his grudges are not in any way mean. a true white lotus if he ever saw one.

he also wanted to pay the debt his father owed, to make sure his brother would have a good future if he could, to try and make his mother not die, and many other 'side quests' that he felt important yet couldn't force in the 'have to do' list.

Kei sighed at the need to smile and be nice constantly, because he WOULD get kicked from the world if he wouldn't, or atleast found out and be in danger again. he was more bothered by needing to be near two sticky kids throughout the next 2 years, as they start circling around each other and flashing their love to the world. pumping himself up by telling himself he is the best and that this sort of play is nothing for him, tricking himself into thinking it would be fun, he forced himself into what would be the start of his life as Kei Yuuma. the always smiling, way too considerate person who would be just his first life of many.