3 sillage

we met on a friday night.

   no one owned me. it was just me: by myself, for myself, restraining myself from slipping back into old habits, habits that were once so dear to me.

   well, i didn't pay much attention to the night itself— the air was nice enough to fill up my lungs, and i was convinced that small talk isn't what i need as the sky kept painting itself in colours of gray and blue, hungrily searching for its stars.

   it was around 11 pm, i definitely looked pale and tired, as i was trying to recover, but then here you were, taking a peek, trying to figure me out. i didn't really mind at first, i knew you wouldn't drown yourself in my sorrows, as no one really would. we didn't introduce ourselves, i knew a name wasn't what i needed, i already counted you as another passing stranger in my head.

   you asked me what my zodiac sign was, and you were quite impressed. and so am i— impressed by how our simple exchange of answers led to this quiet collusion of heartbeats. truth to be told, our hearts will always beat for themselves, but they somehow synced so many times and we both noticed.

   i'm wishing that i could be able to kiss those rosy cheeks of yours again, reminding them how blessed they are to always be a part of you.

   well, i never really knew how your lips tasted on that damned friday night. you wanted to, but i didn't, i felt too trapped in my little box of denseless life perceptions. i remember we poured a little of our thoughts into each other, your emotions kind of started painting themselves on my body as i allowed them to travel every inch of damaged skin.

   you didn't kiss my lips, but you kissed my brain. you wanted to kiss me that bad and at some point i allowed you to. i kissed your forehead back, and it felt as if i knew you from somewhere... a place i always but never went to.

no one owned me but my very own thoughts.

   it felt like you were speaking from your heart, something that was the opposite to what i've been used to. we talked about towns, you showed me some pictures and you seemed very interested in what we were talking about... i think that's what caught my attention the most, besides the fact that you were indirectly devouring my words. you made me introduce myself as a little more loving and a little less wicked, which wasn't really the case, i felt like you could stare right through my existence, even though you didn't know too many things about me.

   i didn't want to find shelter in another body. i didn't even want to find a shelter in myself. to me, everything was questionable but unquestionable— everything but you.

            you've always had a hold on me.