5 Chapter 5 What am I?

I run from the attic jumping down the stairs. I hear my siblings bus as it stops to let them off. I know that if I stay they will see me like this. They will see me transformed into this… freak that I am becoming. I burst out the back door not even bothering to make sure it closed behind me. I started to run not sure what direction to take just running deeper and deeper into the woods. I couldn't see where I was running because tears filled my eyes. All I knew was that if I stopped running my siblings would find me. If they find me they will get hurt. I didn't know if I could control myself like this. I couldn't even make myself finish or stop the transformation. I was trapped in this form... this.. MUTT form is the only word the fits  

I just wanted to run as a fox that way I could really hide and run but the wolf side of me was fighting to get out. As I ran a war raged on in my mind. The wolf wanting to be free and at last, the fox wanting to stay in charge, then there was me lost in the middle of the war zone. My mind had become a minefield that I didn't know how to navigate. 

I ran, stumbling, falling through the forest as well as through my mind. I couldn't keep my feet under me, maybe it was because I was confused, hurt, lost, angry, sad, all at the same time. Maybe it's because I was on two feet then four none of them lining up the way they should. I was blind tears filling my eyes. I kept moving, passed the pond where my dad taught me how to swim, pass the waterfall that fed it. Pass the end of our property.

    By the time I ran into the middle of the woods I couldn't see anything rage had tinted my vision red. Tears wouldn't stop falling, the world a blur as I moved. I was running so hard and fast that I didn't see the tree in front of me. As what little of the world I could see faded all I could think was this was the end.

I opened my eyes and saw nothing but darkness. There were two different tunes playing in my head. One slow and steady the other fast and rough. Two completely different tunes beating at my skull. Both trying to be the louder song. I saw the music flowing out of my head. Two lines of music flowing from me into… Nothing.

"No that's not right! They can't just end in nothing." I had a feeling that if either music ended then I would die. 

"What can I do? I am not ready to go yet. This can't be the end of my story. It can't end before it's even begun can it?" I began to cry not knowing if this was my end. Forced to watch as the music flowed from me into the abyss of black. 

"Are you just going to sit there and not fight?" A soft clam voice asked from somewhere just out of my view. 

"I thought you were a fighter?" A rough and wild voice from the other side of me called out. 

"What can I do? I am dying, all that's left is for the music to end and with it my life. There is nothing I can do to stop it." I sobed 

"There is if you want to live." the soft voice replied

 "If you really are the fighter I always thought you to be then you can fight this too." The wild voice almost howled at me. 

"How can I?" I yelled trying to get my voice louder than the music. My ears hurt from the blare of the two different beats. My chest rumbled with every note.

"I have been with you through everything. Though you never really thought about me. I have been here helping you, guiding you. I was there when our father died. I was there when we wanted to take a bit out of anyone and everyone who mentioned him. If you let me take control now I will help you once again." The soft voice whispered into my ear. 

"Nooo! I have been here the whole time as well even though you repressed me. Even denied that I existed. And you fox kept me from being able to mourn our father. You kept me locked up so she would never know me. You wanted to be incharge. You say she chose you but I was never given a chance. I was able to claw my way to the surface only once. It was thanks to me that we had our father for as long as we did. Or did you forget that girl." The ruff voice boomed. 

"Wait… wait these two beats they are not my life they are yours!" I stammered.

"Yes." the voices said at once. 

With that information, I realized that the two beats were not there and there was a third. Once I heard it the beat grew in size and in volume. It kept growing until the others paled in comparison. I knew how I could survive. I knew what I had to do. 

"STOP!!! This is not about either of you! This is my life, not the life of a fox or a wolf." I expected my voice to shake but it was as steady as it could be. Strong and demanding I commanded. "Taking back control of my mind. This is my life you don't get to take control of me. Not now, Not ever!" As I start yelling the music flowing from me gets stronger and louder. All three of the strains of music start to flow into one mixing and changing. The new stands of music flowed from but it also flowed into me. Filling me with life and a renewed sense of being.