How to Teach Defense Against the Dark Arts Badly

// THIS IS AN OLD CHAPTER. THE NEW CHAPTERS ARE IN VOLUME 2. YOU CAN READ THESE CHAPTERS IF YOU WANT SOME INSIGHT ON WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN LATER BUT SOME EVENTS CAN BE DIFFERENT BETWEEN THE OLD AND NEW CHAPTERS.

This afternoon we have our first class with Lockhart. After Quirrell left prematurely, I had secretly hoped that Dumbledore did not recruit this buffoon. I'm really starting to doubt that Dumbledore is really a nice grandfather and not a potential evil genius.

As soon as he arrived in class, he was giving us his ridiculous questionnaire on his personal tastes. I hesitate to set this rag on fire, but instead I'll keep it as evidence. Styx wrapped around my arm seemed to hate Lockhart from the bottom of his heart because of his overly strong cologne.

Arriving at the end of the half hour, Lockhart comes to pick up everyone's answers.

"Well, boy, where did you put your quiz?"

"Oh, this is the first homework that the famous Gilderoy Lockhart gave me. I can't part with it; I'm going to put it in a frame when I get home."

"I can only understand you, how to resist temptation when a living legend lies before you. Alright you can keep your copy, but I warn you that if I find it at some dark dealer, you're going to have some trouble."

"Oh yes, of course sir, I wouldn't dare!" and one well-plucked pigeon, one.

Draco looks at me in disbelief but understands that it's an act when I pretend to throw up by putting two fingers in my mouth.

When my attention returns to the class, I can see Lockhart about to open the pixies cage. The little blue crap flies in all directions, starting to destroy the classroom. I wait for the moment Neville gets hung up on the chandeliers to intervene.

"Immobilus" I pull out my wand and point it at the pixies, who are stuck in the air.

"Alright young man, I could have done better without a shadow of a doubt, but it's not too bad for a beginner." Said Lockhart coming out from under his desk "That will be all for today, and don't forget to read my entire bio before you go to bed each night. "

I walk down the hall with Blaise, Edward, and Draco.

"Well, I don't think I need to say that this teacher is incompetent and that if we want to succeed in our studies, we must get rid of him as soon as possible. I have a plan but for that, I'm going to need you to be very nice, understood Draco. "

"If I can get rid of the other mister smile, I'm in."

"Good, because we're going to need Potter's help and I don't particularly want you to screw this up because you can't hold your tongue."

I spot Harry sitting with Ron chatting on a bench.

"Hello Harry, could we talk to you for a minute, this is important."

"Here, it's never a good sign when a viper's nest tells you there's a problem." Ron still with his same limited ideas. You might think that having his father's boss in front of him would calm him down, but apparently not.

"Ron stop, what exactly do you want?"

"A truce, just the time needed to get Lockhart out. I'll send a letter to the Daily Prophet, Malfoy here will do the same. I'd like to convince you to also send a letter explaining our first lesson, the Rotten Quiz, the incident with the pixies, everything. I would also try to convince students from other houses to do the same. If many students tell the same story and especially if they come from influential families, there we will perhaps be able to get the department to react and get Lockhart fired. " I say to summarize my plan. "And I'd like to go say hello to the Headmaster tonight so I can find out what he thinks of Lockhart's great quiz." I take the paper out of my pocket to show them.

"And why would we do what you decided?" I can understand his reluctance after the flying car scandal.

"Because I bet you whatever you want that next class, if it continues like this, we'll all be in tutu doing theater" I said laughing.

The same evening, I managed to gather a good fifty students including Neville who has just come out of the infirmary. We are in front of the entrance to Dumbledore's office, and we are all waiting for the headmaster to come out of it to let him know about our complaints.

It wasn't long before we saw Albus come out of his office because of the noise we were making in the hallway.

"Mr. Bones, why am I not surprised." He said to me while keeping his nice grandpa smile.

"Hello professor, we would like to have a conversation with you."

"I see that, I would like to tell you to come in, but I have a feeling we won't all fit in my office. Maybe you could pick some representative."

I walk into the room with Draco and Harry and put the questionnaire on the desk in front of us.

"What is this?"

"This is your curriculum for second year DADA. A quiz that last half an hour on the tastes of our dear professor. Followed by a loss of control of pixies. We came to find out if you were aware of this relatively unorthodox class. "

Dumbledore's eyes widen as he reads the questions on the sheet and I can see the kind smile he always displays fade away as he reads it.

"Is this a joke?"

"Would I have succeeded in mobilizing fifty students from different houses if that was the case?"

Dumbledore seems to think about the question for a long time.

"Listen, boys. I'm going to take things in hand, go eat, I'm going to put everything in order."