2 dear dreamer

" Elena....wake up, your mom's on her way to our treehouse and she is pissed at you for not picking up her call when she called you ...oh god Lena? stop staring at me like that and get up right now" Cara shouted at me in a tune that screams " uhh what am I supposed to do with her, she's daydreaming again...probably still sleepy too"

Elena thought about her friend and why she was shouting, still in a daze her thoughts drifting to her dream or series of dreams. She thought the dream was very creepy and weird, a little...sad and a bit...dangerous too. Oh, wait!!! did cara say my mother is coming here? oh no....Now I am obviously awake.

aarh it's my vacation. Free time for myself. can't she give me a break, it's impossible to get a break from her I swear. she can't leave me be for even little while can she. hmmm, shall I just head back home and act all happy sappy because my mood is not completely ruined at all, note my sarcasm.

But I really hope I can go out tomorrow. yeah, Saturday...date night. I have a boyfriend he's such sweetheart and I am attracted to him and he loves me a lot it seems but I don't know where we are at or going in this relationship, I mean I don't know if we are on the same page, honestly I can tell he's into me but he is going a mile per second and I feel like everything is happening too fast while want to take things at a slow phase and just go with the flow but Ben seems to have such wild ideas, like officially announcing our relationship to our parents and family and marriage and kids.... it's all too fast for me and just too much for me right now. I mean he wants to move in together into a new apartment as soon as my vacation is over. I can't seem to decide whether it's a good thing he's so into me and wanting a life with me or if it's not such a good idea. maybe Ben is going about it too fast or maybe I'm reading into this too much because I tend too that a lot. After all, I am an over-thinker.

Benjamin Tealkinson is not the only one with a wild imagination though, I too am. I sometimes wonder if Ben is stalking me. The entity of dilemma and fear is that after my last big failure of a relationship....I haven't been able to precisely connect with anyone or date anyone for that matter.

Ben might be different. Maybe I should continue to date Ben and see where we stand, where we end up or maybe I should leave him soon before things get bad because I am scared that history might repeat itself?. It's only 7 am and my mother won't make it to my vacation home till midday. seeing that I have a few hours to clean up and tidy the place I set out to make my bed and then take a long relaxing bath. after spending almost an hour in the washroom I dressed up and went down for breakfast, cara was devouring a burger and nibbling on a french fry while checking her mail. I grabbed my fruit loops and made tea and got some milk to have with fruit loops and some biscuits as well as a loaf of garlic bread. I decided to jot down a poem I put together just a few moments ago while I ate.

I started with.... Dear dream.

A figment of my dreams, you are

precious, voicing my thoughts

skim through here plunge there

searching for yourself is what drives you, my dear dream

I can't imagine not thinking. nothing beats time alone to think

the straight road loneliness

struggling out of an egg, no one understands this feeling

humans must walk certain roads

in a difficult situation, the answer eludes my best efforts

wise times, a baby duck dynasty why failure is inconvenient, inconceivable

foolish tragedy, enter the gate for the wicked retribution

no longer human are we, hermit crab

I want to runway from it all but I need to seek with my own eyes I am not needed by anyone anywhere

I must go somewhere dark for every crime there is a punishment

I am not myself if I'm not perfect

society means you, I can't seem to fit anywhere in the world.

by the time I finished my poem I was already done with my breakfast, now I have to clean up and cook before my mother arrives. The thoughts of her coming here...gives me shudders.