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The moon outside the bleary car window was shining with a brilliant haze. In that dreamless haze I reached my hand out to steal a bit of light but to no avail, the cool glass was a barrier my foggy mind could not think to conquer. I brought it back towards my heart and settled for watching the untouchable orb of brilliant light which refused to embrace me. Not unlike the person who, not in such a far off past, became the cause of my misery. Who, as untouchable as the moon, refused to shine its light upon me… even so, here I was….
At this point, I stopped typing and groaned in annoyance. I knew writing was hard but I underestimated the art. I fell back on my not so fluffy bed and let my anxiety run wild. How on earth was I going to complete this job with no inspiration or any talent whatsoever?
I was distracted from my pity party by the sound of a notification. The frown I had on my face as I got up to check my phone was soon replaced by a euphoric smile. It was here! BTS' new music video…. I could die happily now… after watching the video that is.
After an hour and dozens of replays which did nothing to lessen my awe, I was finally able to pull myself together for just enough time to post a heartfelt 'sure to be ignored' comment.
" I have no words. It's such a beautiful song and our boys really outdid themselves but I couldn't help but feel melancholy. Maybe because this time, it really hit close to heart. The song really is the one to exude warmth but what if I was born to be cold?"
I then put the device aside and went on to prepare for staying up all night, forgetting about the comment.
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Enough water? Check.
Unhealthy snacks? Check.
All the devices available at home? Check.
Random notification? Check.
Wait what??
I clicked open my mobile to see what that was about and to my surprise, my 'meant to be ignored' comment actually received a reply.
PresidentJoonie: [Actually, It's up to us to decide what we are meant to be. Take ice for example, it is meant to be cold but it ain't actually all cold. It just has a different heat capacity than normal water… and with enough warmth, it too can change.]
I couldn't help but laugh at such an analogy so decided to humor the person.
Fangirl404: [True... but more than enough warmth and the poor ice may actually disappear! So maybe it's better for her to remain solid and sturdy than open up to warmth.]
The reply came fast.
PresidentJoonie: [It won't disappear, it will just become water vapor and rise into the atmosphere to help create clouds, then come down as rain to fill many others with the same warmth that it once got.]
Fangirl404: […or the mud that people will slip on.]
Laughing at my own imagination I turned off the device, ignoring the possible reply. I had work to do that required my utmost dedication.
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A few weeks later, I got another pleasant surprise when BTS released a surprise mv, just when I needed it too! This one was completely different than the previous but just as touching. Honestly, nothing that BTS does is ever not touching since they always put so much effort and sincerity in everything they do and that's exactly what I wrote in my next 'seriously to be ignored' comment. So you can imagine my confusion when I got a reply again, but who else would it be than…
presidentJoonie: [Oh! Ice girl… are you melting yet?]
Fangirl404: [So we meet again but I am no ice… more like dirt lol.]
I didn't receive a reply. Did I weird them out too? *Sigh* the story of my life.
Once again, my pity party was interrupted by a notification but this time it was a private message.
presidentJoonie wants to chat with you. Accept/ Decline
I felt my anxiety spiking up. I am not really good with people but I calmed myself with a reminder that I am trying to be normal. Normal people like social media. No one knows who you are. Daijoube.
Accept.
Fangirl404: [Wassup bro]
I cringed. Acting normal is hard work.