1 Diary Entry 1

"HIGH SCHOOL" High school is supposed to be good but will it be good for me? I wonder. I am almost sixteen and I have spent twelve years of my school life there but it is not going to change the fact that I am invisible. I am not going to put the entire blame on my school and my classmate. The fault was mine too. I was like a rat on the corner in those days. I won't go out of the class unless it is required. I want to be invisible and I am better at that.

To say about my school it was the most popular school in Bangalore. Nearly five thousand people are studying there. Totally three hundred students faced the public exam. Out of that three hundred only two-twenty was going to be selected to attend that school and I am one among that. I was lucky I got biology group there. I thought I would end up in commerce group. May be I was the one who filled the last seat. How my first day of high school will be? I cannot imagine and neither can I say it until June

**

It was midsummer. The day was about to begin. The birds were singing. Sunlight pierced through the darkness. The light was becoming brighter moment by moment. I was conscious but I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't want to start the day. The clothes that I wore yesterday were strewn across the floor. I was wearing my favourite dress the previous day. What did I do the previous day to make me feel worn out so completely? My eyes hurt to open. I snuggled into my pillow hoping to sleep a little more but my desire to sleep longer was shattered in a moment.

The sound which I heard broke the peace of the morning was the shrill ring of my alarm. It had been one of my favourite tones but now I just get irritated when I hear it. To put it simply, it had become a mere noise to my ears. My eyelids were still heavy with sleep. I had to wake up but my body was not listening to my mind. All I wanted was just little more sleep.

"WAKE UP"

The voice was accompanied by a bang on my door. My eyes flew open. It was my mother's voice sweet to hear even though it was loud.

"If you don't wake up now, then you will miss the first day of your high school Thesika, WAKE UP", my mom said.

I got out of bed rather reluctantly, pushing back my warm blanket.

It's hard to go to high school. People say that as time passes we will begin to like the place and the work we do but that theory does not work for me even after twelve year. I had only one friend in all those years Anusiya and still she is a good friend of mine. We don't step into each other boundary and we both were comfortable with that.

Now moving back again to be invisible. I was neither a bright student nor a goddess of beauty to make everyone notice me. What was I good at to make others notice me? Well, I don't know the answer for that no matter how many

times I ask myself. Thinking about it was not going to help me be excellent in something. Neither is it going to help me to get rid of my uneasiness. It would only make it worse. So I just pushed away the negative thoughts that came to my mind. No matter how my past life was I just had to put thing aside and move on.

For now, all I had to do was to get up from the bed and get ready. It was almost 8 O' clock before I was ready to leave. My father wanted to drop me to school for this new beginning but somehow I convinced him not to. I had to travel three kilometers to reach my school. I started my scooty and began.

As I accelerated my bike things passed by me like a blur. I like the rush of wind against my face. I like the way the air touched my skin. I like the way it makes me feels. I get Goosebumps all over my arms. It just makes me feel that I have the wings of a sparrow. I always think of how good it will be if life passes us by fast, in a flash! We don't remember what we have passed through, the hurdles which we have crossed. We just reach the place we wanted to reach in the time that we need to. It would be simple feeding my thoughts. I reached the school on time.

I entered the school thinking about the chaos that I was going to face but to surprise it was calm. There was no one near the notice board. I thanked god for it and looked at the display. My name was in the A class list. The class was almost filled when I entered. There was only one place left that was the third bench corner seat. I had no other go. I had to sit there. I moved past the benches and sat there.

As soon as I settled down, I glanced at my classmates. There were totally fifty-six people in the class and I didn't know most of them except for four people. Other people looked familiar but I could not recollect their names. There were only fifteen boys and remaining were girls. I noticed that my class was opposite to seniors' classroom and I thought it was the computer science department. Before I could confirm that, my class advisor entered the classroom. She introduced herself and asked us to talk about ourselves. .

Why couldn't we start the class without self-introduction? Giving a speech in front of classmates scared me. I would rather face my fear of pets than this.

Everyone said their name and described their hobbies and talents that they were good at. It was my turn and what was I going to say about myself? The thought of standing in front of the class and introducing myself almost made me sick to my stomach.

As I stood in the centre of the dais and looked at the people in front of me, things became even worse. My legs started to shake and I had no idea when I would throw up. I just wanted to get out of this uneasy situation and the only way to get out of it was to start talking and so I began.

"Hi everyone. I am Thesika and I live three kilometres away from school. I like to listen to slow music and I think that I am good at singing but not sure of it. That's all about me."

As soon as I completed my speech, I came down from the dais and hastened to my place. Before I could reach my place, I heard someone calling my name, it was my class advisor.

"Thesika, I think that you can join the singing club. They are looking for new singers. The leader is in the C section computer science department. His name is Alex and I will inform him about you. Just go and meet him once the classes get over."

What was she trying to do? Did she want to be friendly? Or was she trying to be friendly? Well, it just irritated me to the core. I didn't want to go to any club. I just wanted to be unknown and I was good at it. How could I say that straight to her face and what if she holds grudge against me if I did that? She didn't look like a person who would hold a grudge for something silly like this but I didn't want to risk anything. I realised that she was waiting for my reply. All I managed to do was to give a nod and I moved silently to my place without raising my eyes from the ground.

The bell rang at 2:30 in the afternoon and there was one more class. There was one more hour for the school to get over, after which it was club time. I chose the music club because it gave me peace and made me come alive.

My classmates left the classroom to go to their respective clubs and so did I. I packed my bag and went to the club block. The music club was on the fifth floor.

I started to climb the stairs, I was very nervous and it was hard for me. As I moved forward, I overheard the girls in front of me talking. They were talking about some guy and they were commenting on his looks. As far as I could hear I would say that they all had crush on him. I wonder what he was good at, which made all the girls go crazy after him

When I reached the fifth floor my legs were hurting and I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to move even a bit. To my relief, I didn't have to wander in the corridor finding the correct room; it was straight in front of me.

I moved ahead with the hope that I could find some place to rest. As I reached the doorway of the room, a guy stood in front of me, blocking my way in. I silently cursed him and lifted my head to see who it was.

My grumpy mood vanished as I looked at him. The guy was tall with black hair; he was wearing spectacles with black rectangular frames. It suited his angular face well. The smile on his lips made dimples on his cheeks, making his smile and face even more enchanting to look at. His lips had a sculpted look. He was handsome but the spectacles he wore made him look quite serious. I just stood there looking at his face and my mind went blank.

He cleared his throat which made me to realise that I was staring at him. I was embarrassed and my candy cheeks were flushed. He started to talk.

"Hi I am Alex," he said and continued talking without even giving a chance for me to introduce myself.

"You must be Thesika, right? You might have heard about me from your class advisor. She told me about you," he said.

"Yes I am," I replied, before I could ask anything, he continued.

"Welcome to the club. Well we will be having club sessions on alternate days as you might have seen in your class time chart. There will be a competition once in three months. You can give a solo performance or you can pair up with anyone from this club and since it is your first class, I think you don't know about it. If you want any help I will be there in the next room with my friends," he said and left me alone with my thoughts.

Almost fifteen minutes had elapsed and another thirty for looking around the place. Now only fifteen minutes were left.

I let my thoughts wander. I just closed my eyes memorising the place. The moment I closed my eyes all I could see was a striking face which was handsome. It was Alex, his face was mesmerising. It has never happened to me before; none of the faces had appeared in front of me when I closed my eyes. The only face that used to come in front of my eyes when I closed my eyes had always been my mother's, that too only when I thought about her. But it was new to me, seeing someone's face that I hardly knew. I thought maybe it was because I had been staring at his face for a long time.

I opened my eyes I pushed away thoughts about him and I closed my eyes again. It was him again no matter how many times I opened and closed my eyes. He kept appearing again and again. It was music club and he is my leader I said to myself again and again and the constant refrain in my mind was broken by a husky voice.

The voice was very attractive and deep and I believed it would awaken a dead man! It was musical. There was a hint of laughter in it. I felt that I was trapped in some romantic book and that illusion was soon shattered by another voice which was not that attractive but strong enough to break my attention.

As I got addicted to the deep masculine voice, I started to concentrate on the other voices. The words were clear in my ears. I realised that they were talking about someone and it took a moment for me to realise that it was about me.

"Do you think that the girl will survive a month? I don't think so, she doesn't look it. She is fit to be only in the club of invisibility. She is a loner. I don't think she will mingle with others. I heard that she studied in this school for nearly twelve years but I never knew that she existed. Thousands of people study in this school. I don't know every single person in it. She is our immediate junior. I know most of them but her face is not even familiar to me," said a guy.

The attractive voice continued to engage my attention and I felt that it would melt any anger just in a second. It took some time for me to recognizse that familiar- sounding voice. I didn't know why I felt that way, when suddenly reality hit me That voice belonged to the one I had thought was very handsome – none other than Alex.

Blood rushed to my head. I stood immobile there. I couldn't move my legs. I was hurt. My surroundings vanished. Then I forced myself to relax, I closed my eyes. I concentrated on my breathing and the more I concentrated, I felt my blood slowing.

I opened my eyes slowly and saw him standing a foot away from me. He was smiling. It should have angered me but the reaction was the opposite. My anger vanished. His smile made my head spin. I just forced myself to leave that place.

It was time to go to home. My mind was blank. On my way home, I allowed my mind to wander. I should have been angry with him. Many people had spoken badly about me that way but nothing really entered my mind and I took nothing personally. But I don't know why I was hurt and why his talk angered me. The most puzzling of all was that I didn't know why my anger vanished when I looked at him.

I tried to be mad at him. I forced myself to be angry at him but I couldn't. The more I tried to be angry at him, the more I thought of him, the more I smiled. What was happening to me? Why could not I control my emotions? This emotion was strange to me, something I have never experienced before. What am I doing? Why couldn't I stop thinking of him even if I wanted to? Is this

what they call love? Can anyone fall in love with a person barely within three hours?