who I am ?( why can't I live my life my way)

from childhood I was taught to be truthful, honest Loving etc etc ......but why suddenly when I started growing up it all became just showing up.. everything..we were not too rich even ..I mean to show off in society.still just because I was a girl I need to sit eat, laugh, walk sleep cloth, everything had to be particular..I was honest to myself and natural. it's unfortunate or Fortunate I don't know buty mother never had time or will even to train me according to society Norms. I was always close to my father only as a child..and he used to talk philosophy usually which I now realise was just bookish because I never saw him being that humble as he taught me. than so many things happened during my adolescent age and youth now I feel who i am? though I have already found my answer this story is all about finding myself..how I experienced life.. how I experienced changing faces of relationships ..every moment of those years which helped me finding myself.. in these years I loved someone special too much to the extent of loosing my own life..I became a slave to him.but that that relationship helped me a lot too... love beautiful feeling of the world. please welcome to the world of ocean , my name is Ocean..this is my story ...