34 Open the door for God. (the Missing Friend)
:BIBLE VERSE:
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27"
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After we finished, I washed the dishes and planning to go to Kries, but when I went to their house she wasn't there. So I decided to walk alone, going to the park.
While walking, I saw Fernand's car not really far from where I was. He stopped and went out then approached me.
"Where are you going Khiella?"
He asked but I just pointed the park and walk away from him. I don't know why my mind seems very preoccupied even if it's literally not.
"How are you feeling?"
I didn't notice he followed me. I turned to face him and give a glance to see where his car is. And then realized that it was already parked to the parking area before following me.
"I'm good"
Then continue and sat down on the swing. I remember when I was a kid, I never experienced playing here with a friends and family.
This world is really unfair. Some kids enjoyed and got a have fun, so their childhood memories was great and memorable while mine is so bitter. Can you even imagine a kid that didn't grow up to a wealth or rich family, still experience some experiences that rich kid did have experience?. They said it is better to grow up poor and have a simple life than born and grew up rich. Because it is more fun and more memorable when you are not that really rich.
But I don't think so. Maybe yes, but not all the kids in a poor family or not that really rich has a great and memorable childhood and valuable memories also has a good relationship with each other on their circle of family.
Because like me, my life is really a mess ever since I was really little. My parents die and my only family that left to me is my grandmother and Auntie. But they also leave me early after the tragedy happened to us when we moved to Spain. I was so stress and been in a really dark place. At the very young age, I learned to hold on to the knife just to survive. I did such things just to live, no one in my entire life helped me to be lifted up on the ground that has no condition as return. So I have learned that we people or most of the people did not doing something that is, has no exchange. Because we did it for a purpose, to ask for a return. We don't do it wholeheartedly.
My childhood memories and experiences as worst as it is worst. If some kids or children have their best childhood memories that they don't want to forget, then I don't. Mine is something I really want to forget.
How I wish before that, I hope I'm just like them, I hope I also have parents who are still together, I hope I'm also happy, I hope I also have friends and playmates, I hope and I hope there is no ending hope.
I was too busy remembering those shits, that I didn't notice Fernand who were sitting beside me swinging.
"I know how it is hard for you, for not having a great memories as a kid when you are still little"
I suddenly turned to him and stop swaying the swing. Why do
I always forgot that he can read minds because of his job that it studies human minds and behaviors.
"You know what, no matter how good person you are, no matter how innocent you are, if you don't have God in your life, you will never have peace and joy.... You will never be out of the darkness... You can't overcome all the stress, trials, problems, and struggles in life by yourself. No one can help us but God"
"Also everything that we experienced and what we are experiencing is always a lesson to teach us, because everything that happens has a reasons and a purpose. And that is always a lesson learned for all of us. God will never put us into a situation that we can't win, sometimes He makes or draw a line road way that eyes can't see, ear can't hear, and body can't feel. But only our soul, heart, and mind can see because it is something that are invisible in our insights. And we will be able to see it close eyes when we have a strong relationship to God and when we always have faith, belief, and always put our trust, surrender everything even our life, our self, and soul to Him."
For the first time. My heart was beating so fast that it was as if someone was knocking and wanted to enter, that suddenly I could no longer speak as if someone was asking me if all I had to answer was 'Yes' or 'no'. but I don't know why I suddenly felt it, maybe I was just tired. But no, because it was as if someone was touching my heart. But I was afraid to accept and open the door.
I just want to breathe a fresh air and watch the trees and their leaves go with the wind and some of their leaves fall on to the ground. But this what happens.
"Khiella, He knows everything in you, your pain and all your cries, God is just waiting for you to come to him. Repent, confess everything and your sins, and accept him then you will never be a loser nor a slave of darkness."
I stood up and walk away from him. I felt like I am going to cry, so I hurriedly walk just to got home as soon as possible. I'm still not finally got home, I met Eman with a basket and grocery shopping. He looked at me and smiled but I immediately averted my eyes and went straight inside the house and immediately went up the stairs to the bedroom.
Ezriel is in his office here at his house busy doing all the work from home. He doesn't even know I go outside.
I didn't realize that my tears were already dripping, I didn't realize that I was crying for a reason I couldn't understand. I feel mixed. I just kept crying until I fell asleep because of tiredness of crying.
I just woke up because of the sound of the cellphone ringing. So I opened my eyes and for a moment stared at the ceiling and felt myself, my chest was still heavy because of that, but I didn't want to think about it. The cellphone rang again just near me. So I looked at it, Kries Mae was on its screen and calling.
I grab it and press the answer button.
"Hello"
I was going to respond but the call suddenly ended. I just shrugged and checked the time, and it's already 7:15 pm.
I got up to the bed and went to the bathroom to pee and walk out of the bedroom after then went downstairs.
I caught up with Ezriel who was cooking with the maids. I just watch him do what he does. And I seem to enjoy just watching him. I don't understand but I'm happy that I just secretly loved him. it's even better because I'm afraid he'll find out. I also don't want to be lose again. I stopped staring at him as he turned around. That's why I immediately pretended that as if I was just got here from upstairs.
I walk towards them. All the maids greeted me and they leave us alone.
"Are you Hungry now?. I can prepare this for you."
I shook my head and sat down on the high chair and just watched what he was doing.
"Okay, so wait for this. It will be done just for a moment to wait"
He said then I nodded. We did the usual routine every night as we ate our dinner and sleep after.
I woke up in the morning very early. It's 4:05am, I turned to the side of the where Ezriel sleeping peacefully. I slowly touch his hair to brush it, and then touch his soft face.
I hope someday, you will find someone who can love you with confidence, someone who will always show you her love for you and always pray for you. Because I am not that person, I don't even believe in God. You deserve someone, a person that your Lord's will for you. I will wish you all the best. I have love you but I can't, and I shouldn't.
I don't want to leave behind. I immediately take my hand off his face when he move and to face, that Ezriel face is now more expose to my eyes.
I can't fully love you Ezriel.
I remember that it's Monday and I have to prepare for school, so I got up out of the bed and went downstairs. Maids approached me when she saw me and then continue cooking our breakfast. Marshel the other maid make a coffe for me. I thank her and drink it then went upstairs again to do my morning routine for getting ready to go to school.
After that I caught Ezriel is already awake and we both proceeded downstairs and went to the kitchen then ate our breakfast together. As usual he convey to the school before going to his company. He also told be that by tuesday, we are going to the precinct for the case that should be fix.
When got to the classroom, the first person I look for is Kries but she's not here. Until our classes get started, she's still not here.
So after the last subject for this morning. I called Eman to ask why Kries Mae is absent today, and he said his sister didn't get home, she was out on Saturday untill now.
I felt nervous about her. What happened? Where is she?, she called me yesterday but ended it suddenly.
I also tried to call her but she didn't answer. So I decided to make an Facebook account and then search her and sent a message to her. But still don't have a response from her. I'm starting to get scared for her. I tried to call her again and again. Until thankfully she finally answer.
"Kries Mae, hey where are you?"
She didn't say anything. I can't hear anything to her background, it's really quite. I really do have a bad feeling.
"Kries?"
"Hey answer me"
"Mae... Kries Mae"
Still don't get a response. I hang up the call and went to my profs and say my excuse. Then they allowed me, so I got home early and call Ezriel.
"Yes my wife?"
He immediately answered my call. My heart beat faster because of what he says first.
"Are you Busy?."
"No, why is there anything you need?"
"Uhm... About Kries Mae, she still did not got home until now, Eman said that her sister were out on Saturday and did not get home until now."
I stood up and sat down again then stood up and walk towards the door and went back to the sofa.
"You mean, your friend is missing my wife?"
"Yes!"
"I'm nervous for her, I felt really bad. I feel like something bad happened to her. I called her earlier and she answered it but did not say anything, the background is so quiet.... I'm really worried".
"Okay wait for me there, I'll be home and talk about that before going to the precinct. Don't be too upset and worried about it. Okay?"
I nodded as if he is in front of me and seeing me nodding to him.
After a minutes in a half, Ezriel already arrived. Eman is also here now because I invited him to talk about his sister.
We sat to sofa and then start talking about this another case. But this the case of Kries Mae that I also loved. I'm so worried, I can't stop myself by thinking the possible that might could happen to her.
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*BIBLE VERSE (DEVOTION) *
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27"
There are two kinds of peace: the worldly kind of peace and the Jesus Christ kind of peace. The worldly kind of peace does not solve the troubled heart of a child of God. This is so because the child of God has been born into a different family, that is, the family of heaven, and worldly peace cannot appease heaven. Another reason is that worldly peace is limited and outward but the heavenly peace/Jesus kind of peace is limitless and works from within before showing on the outside. It is the only solution to overcome fear, which fights us from the external forces of darkness. Dearly beloved, if you have Jesus Christ in your life you have this special kind of peace to overcome anxiety, fear, and a troubled heart. Hallelujah! It gives you the opportunity and privilege to soar higher in life, like the eagle.
