16 Insecurities

The party was not yet over but I wanted to get out of here. Their questions is not really comfortable. How would it be comfortable if the questions they are throwing you is so unreal.

"Really?"

His Auntie said not believing to what Ezriel told them was evident in her voice. She sip on her wine glass while staring at us.

"Or you are just doing this, so you won't be get married to Laurenia"

She smiled sarcastically while looking at us and especially to Ezriel.

"Vilvia!"

The mother of Ezriel called her name and she just rolled her eyes then sip on the wine glass again and did not stop from talking to him.

"Laurenia is more decent and fine lady I can must really say than this woman"

The words came from her mouth makes me shiver in anger. Yes I am that very clean and fine lady. I knew it already to myself. I'm not a decent women or lady anymore as the others. I admit that all my imperfections she don't have to slapped with that because I already know it.

She said that without minding if I will get offended by her words. But how dare she said that without even truly knowing me. I know that I shouldn't get hurt and got offended by what she says because it's true. I will not deny it just to be clean or just to pretend I was very innocent and clean for those people who's judging your personality.

Was I yes not really a good person but still I value my life a little even if it's really stained by those who I hate the most for ny entire life.

"Vilvia stop that!"

Ezriel's mother slightly yelled at her to stopped from talking. She turned to her and acted Iike she didn't do anything was wrong. She also raised her eyebrow and pretended that nothing's happened.

"what?!. I didn't do anything, I was just saying what I think is true"

She defended herself.

The bitterness are now like a sound dissimilating into my inside, entire system of my body. It hurts knowing that I'm really a bad for Ezriel, that Vilvia was right that I'm not good for him and there is someone who is truly good and better for him. Not like me who has a very messed life and stained person.

The feeling was heavy that it's somehow hard to carry on. I have to do something to divert my attention and feelings towards him. I need distraction to stop this forming feelings before it's too late and hard to take it away.

"Enough!. My son choose the one who he sees his future with her. So stop that's enough Vilvia you are causing a bad impression and luck to Khiella. She's now Ezriel's Fiance my son that we should accept and just support the both of them".

She said to Vilvia and I smiled bitterly. I want to go home now, this place making me to start hating it. This woman won't stop and I'm used to this kind of people. If she hates me then fine hates me more. That can't give her satisfaction.

"Ellizya. Vilvia my wife is right and also Ezriel is our son we know him. He already know what's right and not right. My son is already on his right age to think what's good for him, for the both of them."

Vilvia got nothing to say. She just looked away and did not tried to speak again because the parents of Ezriel already spoke about their son.

At the very first place she don't have the right to question anything to Ezriel because she's not the mother.

Yes she's relatives related with flesh and blood but she is not the mother.

I felt Ezriel hand touched mine and pinched slightly. I turned to him and he gave me a worried and saying he was sorry on his look.

He don't have to be sorry because it's not his fault. No one has faults, I have to accep and endure it. Since it was true and it hits me.

That's what I'm going to keep on my mind. Never expect too much and don't be so considered to what you are feeling. You have to stop it gets deeper and deeper that are hard to take it away out in you.

I gave him a deceiving smile to assure him that I'm fine, it doesn't affect even if it is.

I shouldn't think about this. Maybe Fernand can help me. I've heard his an Psychology and I can go to him, to asked for help.

What help it is then?.

About yourself?.

Remember this, that no one should never know about the truth in you. I will keep it to myself. In that way no one will never get involved to my very messed up life.

'till that I'm still not free, I won't be in peace.

I know that, the day of exposure will happen.

I shouldn't be complacent to the things or situations that could possibly be happen.

The party goes on in on and I was just here setting while watching everyone here, having fun. Talking to their friends. They all seems happy and I'm the opposite of them.

I was left here alone with Ezriel sitting beside me and also watching everyone. I don't want him to be with me because it makes uncomfortable when ever we are close to each other.

I looked at him when he spoke up.

"Khiella about what happened. I'm sorry for what Auntie Vilvia said. I'm sorry for involving you to this kind of situation"

He said. I just stared at him and nodded.

"hope you won't get mad. Please do understand"

"you've heard it that Laurenia is the girl my Auntie wants me to merry for the sake of business"

I looked away and then turned to him again then smirk.

"no worries Ezriel. Since you helped me and that's why I owe you something. So I have to do this as return to your help."

And then I nodded after telling him about the agreement I used to hate and disagree.

He looked at me and just nodded eventually.

Hopefully I can repay his kindness before it's too late.

"just a minute. I'll go to the comfort room fresh in up"

I said then stood up and walk away from him to go to the comfort room. I went inside when I got there and then went to cubicle to pee.

I shoved my phone out of my shoulder bag and texted Kries.

After all Kries made me feel the feeling of having a friend on your side and I will hopefully she is real.

Not a fake one but truly real.

I'd never have a real friend or definitely did not got one.

To: Kries

       Hey there. Are you busy?. I'm still at the party.

After a second that I sent it to Her. She immediately replied. Surely she's boring and has no one to talk to or TextMate also don't have chatmate in Facebook.

From : Kries

          Yeah. And I'm so boring here. As usual I'm left alone here in the freaking house.

I smiled and shook my head then went out of the cubicle and stepped closer to the mirror and then retouch.

I wasn't finished retouching my make up when Vilvia came and lead towards me then looked at her reflection on the mirror.

"Khiella."

She said. I turned to her and back to my reflection then continue what I'm doing did not minding her.

"you are not good for Ezriel. I have a bad feeling towards you"

I stopped for a moment and then looked at her reflection. I smirked and finally turned to her.

"uh yeah?. Hm?.. You don't feel good to me because you don't like me"

She stopped and turned to me.

"you don't feel good to someone who you don't like. And that's what I am to you"

Vilvia looked at me in disgust and irritated to what I told her so I smirked more.

"I really do have a bad feelings to you Khiella. I'm sure to what I am feeling and I will make sure to find it why"

Maybe she is planning to investigate my background so she have something she can used against, or to me.

But it will be hard for her to know my background because it's very private. The Illegal in Spain still protecting my identity and background to hid, to be not shown nor exposed to anyone. I'm still one of them that I'm sure they will find me even in hell.

If it's weren't me they will be that very powerful. They used me that's why I'm running that time before Ezriel banged me by his car happened.

I'm so desperate to run away from it. I want to be free but the freedom that just let me taste it is temporary because I'm still into it.

But I regret Everything that I did. I want to start a new life but before that happens I will fix my own mess first anything else.

"stay away from him. I know you are not good for him. Laurenia is more better than you"

She said and it hurts me really hard. I shouldn't felt this because it will lead me to the deepest part of my life that has lots of things to fixed.

My life was a mess and stained.

No matter how I denied my feelings, the more it deep in my heart that causes pain to me.

"yeah. But Ezriel choose me than that lady Laurenia. You cannot dictate nor decide for him because you are not him, you are his mother."

I didn't mean to offend her to what I told her. But the bitterness I have now was still on me and never leave.

And she started it. I smirked at her and stepped out of her infront and leave the comfort room.

I will admit it that I'm hurt right now. Why this night seems taking so long?. I want to fucking out of her.

I don't know why I can't accept the fact that someone is better than me. My insecurity and jealousy is now preoccupieding me.

When I was walking Ezriel's parents and siblings are now on the table again. And a beautiful girl beside Anniezxcally Ezriel's sister.

When I finally got close they introduced to me the girl and it was Laurenia the girl Vilvia wants him to marry.

I want to take my insecurities and jealousy towards this girl away because it's getting more deeper right now that I met her.

She look very beautiful and feminine and I didn't mean to compared myself to her. For Pete's sake she's just a girl and I should felt this freaking feelings.

Laurenia didn't smiled at me nor even have a handshake with me. But I don't and won't bother handing my hand to her.

"Khiella this Laurenia my daughter's friend Anniezxcally. Laurenia this is Khiella Ezriel's Girlfriend and now his fiance".

Ezriel's mother said and Vilvia came then approach Laurenia who seems not happy to what she just heard. I think she have a crush on him or more than crush thingy.

In her face. The expression she now is evident that she's jealous and hurt knowing that Ezriel is Engaged to me not to her.

But all of this is just a fake, all lies.

Ezriel came beside me and put his arm around my waist that my body immediately reacted again to his touch.

"owh by the way let's proceed to the next program of the party celebration"

His Father said and they leave and go the stages to proceed the next program of this birthday party.

We left alone at the table. I acted and manage myself to stay cool and calm then walk towards the chair and sat down.

I took the wine glass and poured it with wine and drink it.

"is this party will took very long this night?"

I asked and turned to him. He stared at me and shook his head.

"you want to go home?"

He asked still staring at me like he was observing me.

"stop staring Ezriel"

Then I looked away.

"it will be over eventually. But if you want to go home then we're going".

That made me turned my gaze at him and looked at him in disbelief.

"owh stop that. It's fine we stay here until it's finally over. For respect to your family and relatives"

I said but heck the truth is I want to be freaking out of here. This place especially the people feels like, are suffocating me.