3 Chapter 3

Right now we are standing in an elevator. It's not like one I've been in before, the back side is made almost completely of glass. The rest of the walls were a nice brushed silver with little wooden accents and trimmings. It was fancy, as much as an apartment building can be fancy anyways.

The building stretched up 38 floors and reeked of fresh paint. The walls were a soft eggshell color, and they displayed abstract art like you were walking into a modern art exhibit. At every turn you were confronted with a new splotch of conflicting colors sprawled across a large canvas. When I stare at them deeply enough I can start to see some meaning or methodology. It doesn't last long, I'm always yanked back to reality before I can reach that artistic enlightenment. Art like this always left me wanting, and I wonder if there's something I'm missing. Maybe there's something there someone else can see but I can't, and the second I think I'm going to understand it slips away from me again.

The lady at the reception counter downstairs had a mean brow and a big mole under her eye. Her hair was deep black and pinned up in a bun that sat leaning on the top of her head. She was one of those people I couldn't make my mind up about. Either she was a sour old lady or she was just giving me a tough time so I know she cares. I was never sure, even now when I'm watching the city lights sink beneath me.

My fingertips are tingling with a poignant sense of anxiety. Every second that I spend rising in this elevator the more my stomach sinks. The closer we get towards this amazing party the more I wish I was alone with Quinn, just watching movies or eating snacks. Intimate interactions are where I thrive.

Large gatherings have always felt so superficial to me. No one is really talking, just swaying back and forth and struggling to hear the most basic sentences over music that no one really likes. There's no substance there, just prying eyes and chaotic behavior. But maybe there's something there I'm missing. Maybe parties are some communal transference of energy and I'm just not open to receiving it.

"You promise to try to have fun? "Quinn's voice cuts through my wall of negative thoughts and pulls me back into the present. I can feel us slowly coming to a halt, and I push myself off the wall with my back foot, turning my head to look at her in the most reassuring way that I can.

"Yes. I promise. "I crack a small smile and walk past her out of the elevator.

I find myself walking down a dim hallway. The walls are made of a thick grey concrete, and the ceiling lights are tucked into cylindrical shaped holes in the ceiling. They're soft incandescent glow barely cuts through the sharp darkness of the hallway. As I walk closer I can already see smoke billowing near the lights. The door is a deep shade of brown, with a long silver handle and dark grey hinges.

Walking here felt like moving towards a portal into a new world, the sounds of heavy bass start leaking through the joints of the door and curling around my ears. I reach the entrance before Quinn does, but when I reach out for the doorknob I can feel myself slowing.

Quinn places a hand on my shoulder before she extends her arm around me to twist the door knob and begin to crack the door. She's close enough to lean in and whisper in my ear before the loud sounds of the apartment drown her out. "Just have fun. "

And it seems like in an instant she had slipped past me and into this mismatched grid of unfamiliar faces.

The inside of the apartment was soaking in a blue and pink light. From the entrance you can see the kitchen to the left, tucked into a corner with no walls surrounding it. There's a couple there with their arms wrapped around each other leaning on the granite counter tops. They were staring into each other's eyes like if they looked away they would miss something important. Beyond the island they were perched on lie an even deeper flood of people, and above them an overhang lined with black railings and a thin spiral staircase made of piping leading to it.

There were so many people on the base level that I lost Quinn among them. I was alone again, gingerly pushing myself through all of these unfamiliar faces trying to find a place where I could feel more grounded. No one I knew could be found here. Suddenly this apartment felt like a mansion, and I was just a little fly trying to find an open window.

I made a right, then a left, and then another right. But I still don't reach that quiet place. Eventually in all of my clumsy stumbling I reach that spiral staircase. My hand wraps around it's handlebars so tightly you might think I would float away if I didn't hold on.

I start walking up the staircase and when I finally reach the top I find a bedroom. The bed had a thick white comforter neatly spread on top. Above the bed was a small array of pictures in black frames, and to its side was a large bookcase that stretched all the way to the ceiling.

I tentatively made my way to the black banister that overlooked the rest of the loft. I started to be able to hear the music again up here, I hadn't noticed it before but I had stopped breathing. I felt like I was underwater, just wading through murky waves until I got to my final destination. I had made it now, and things were starting to come back into focus again.

I push myself all the railing and cross over to the bedside. I'm right next to a large window with a fire escape just outside. I run my hand along the window pane trying to look for the latch to open in just before I hear a voice cut through the music.

"Shit, didn't know anyone else was gonna be up here. "