2 Memories

Liza's 19th birthday party went cold and formal. Cake was cut. Small talk made circles in the gathering. It was more like a small family gathering than a birthday party. Even though it was first birthday she celebrated in the last 3 years. All were cheering till 10, after that everyone left one by one. Liza kept quite most of the time. She opened her mouth only to answer when something was asked.

In her room, Liza was all lost in her own thoughts. Her stares were straight up to the ceiling. Her thoughts were killing her inside. "You will see a healthier me soon." What she said to her mother was ringing in her ears. She was thinking of everything that was said to her in the party. All the uncles and aunts who told her to stay healthy. All those family friends who said, "You are your mom's everything. Young child is loved more. If you can't find a reason to live, live for her." All these thoughts turned into a lullaby and drove Liza into sleep. A deep sleep that was missing from days.

"Where are we going?"

"Oh c'mon, You know where?"

"In the forest?"

"Where else?"

"NO. I am not going. Dad told not to go there. He says It's not safe to go there alone."

"He says this every-time and we go every-time. Does something happens? No." A little girl, Just few year older than Liza, held onto Liza's hand as she ran toward the beautiful forest. The forest was all covered with greenery. Sweet little light was escaping from behind the branches of tall trees. The path they were walking on felt like stars sprinkled on carpet. Birds were chirping. Soft breeze hit their skin. Sound of flowing water was mesmerizing. Liza followed her as a little 7 year old would do. Their laughter matched the bird chirping like music.

"Why are you running so fast? I will fall like this."

"Okay." The other girl let go of Liza's hand and continued. "I will not slow down. Catch me if you can." With this she ran toward deep forest, giggling. "Come, Catch me."

"Hey! Don't go so fast. I will be left behind. Please slow down for me." In split of second the other girl was no where to be seen. "Where are you?" Liza looked around her. She was no where near. The forest suddenly turned quite. No single voice else than Liza's was to be heard. The light was vanishing slowly slowly and before Liza could realize, it was dark already. "Where are are you?" Liza's voice trembled as she looked for the girl. As Liza started to notice her surrounding, she heard a strange sound. A sound of something hanging on a tree branch. Something heavy. Liza was afraid to turn back but she gathered the courage to look behind. She stood complete quite with the realization of what actually was hanging on the tree. A dead body of a man. A man covered in blood like he was beaten up badly before being hanged.

Liza woke up from the dream that was so bizarre but not surprising. These dreams were common to her, this much that they arose no more questions. Who is the girl? Liza didn't want to know anymore. She turned to her left to see time. It's 3 in the morning. She stood up and went toward her study desk. This time not to draw but to look at all the things she drew till now. Butterfly, A girl caught in fire, Monsters, A man hanging dead on a tree and everything else she has seen in her dreams till now. She looked at each one with no emotions. The question of 'what all this means?' seems to remain unanswered. Forever. The time passed like rain falling from sky. So smooth but so fast. It was about the time of her alarm to ring. As soon as it snooze, she turned it off. Her daily routine was going to repeat itself. Her mom knocked on the door to wake her up. Liza got ready, went down and left for college. She walked few steps before stopping by the dustbin. Liza was looking at dustbin like she was in deep dilemma. After some time she took out something from her backpack. Her drawings. Holding her drawings in her hand she saw all the glimpses of the memories that these drawings have with them. All the restless nights. The unbearable cries of someone never known. The glimpses of her dad. The girl being on fire. The hanged man. And her younger self crying in the forest. Every single thing made sure that these were worth throwing. With no more thoughts, Liza threw all of them in the dustbin before heading toward the bus stand.

"It's all in your head." The glances of her doctor screaming on her flashed before her eyes. "Nothing is real. Stop believing the lies. Your father died in an accident. He was never killed. You have to believe this. Stop living in delusions. He is long gone." The voice rang in her ears like a siren. Everything else went silent. This was the only thing audible to her. Liza felt suffocated. The voices were tearing her soul. She couldn't stop herself from screaming "Stop!" in middle of the road. When she came on road? she had no clue. The horns were being blown on her. Before she could process anything she was right in front of a car that almost ran over her. Everyone was screaming on her. She wasn't able to look in the eyes of anyone. With all the embarrassment she quickly ran toward the bus stand. She had no guts to face all those people staring deep down on her. Her mind was still blank to even think about what exactly had happened.

With all those glimpses inside her head and all those voices ringing around her, Liza entered her college. Her heart was raging inside her chest and it was going to calm down only if she see Jennie. Liza looked everywhere around until she saw Jennie. The smiling face of Jennie calmed Liza's soul. Jennie doesn't know but to Liza, she was like an antidote to all her pain. She's the second one Liza care about the most after her mother. Everything else was just like the other day with Liza lost in her thoughts sitting quite in the corner.

Liza's life has become going to college and coming back home only. She had many friends but now her weird past has left her only with Jennie. On her way back to home. She looked at her past. How everything changed. How all her friends cut all the ties with her. How she was left all alone even when she was always surrounded by many. It all felt like screams that everyone can hear but no one cares.

"Mom told not be friend with that maniac."

"She Just came out of mental asylum. Who knows when she kills someone."

"I never knew I was friend with a psycho for so long."

All those blurred memories of her known ones saying something to her as she pass by them, covered Liza's sight. Her chest felt heavy. Her vision blurred. But she kept on walking. Stepped in the bus and came back home. She went straight toward her room. Her mother greeted her as usual and Liza didn't reply, as usual.

Liza was so blurred by the memories that she didn't notice anything around. In her shower she tried to stop all theses thoughts by looking at her body. All covered with the scars that she gave to herself. She always covered her arms not to reveal the cuts it had on them. Those cuts flashed another memory. Memory of when she tried to kill herself. Just like now. The time when she cut her wrist in the shower with the mirror she broke. The time when she was sitting in the completely filled water tub, looking at the water slowly turning red as her blood mixed with it. The memory didn't came alone. It came with the glimpses of her mother talking to her as she was being taken to the hospital.

"Don't you dare close your eyes. Don't. If you love your mom then don't." The sobs of her mother has kept her from killing herself till now.

Liza realized, she was being drifted toward those old suicidal thoughts. She quickly came out of the shower. Her reflection daunted her own self. How much she has changed. The eyes that used to shine bright like diamond were dim now, covered in dark circles of distress. They perfectly signify the sleepless night she has gone through.

"But I am not lying. I hear voices. I see unknown reflections in the mirror."

"It's just in your head. If you stare so long in the mirror, your brain starts to make up things."

"No. It does not. My mind doesn't make up things. It all make sense. It all points toward someone I never knew. It's something that my father wanted me to know and I need to find."

Those conversations with her doctor hit her back. Her being on the shock therapy chair while her doctor questions. The feeling of electricity running through her head always suffocates her.

"Stop. Please stop." She sobbed as she fell on her knees. The feeling was killing her inside. Everyone thought sending Liza to mental asylum has changed her for good. But nobody knows, it didn't change anything except for the fact that Liza no more share her feelings with anyone as she did before. Nobody believed her. She said, she screamed something is wrong. No one believed. Not even a single soul. Now she has learnt to keep everything inside to look normal. It's like she is screaming so loud still no one can hear.

"Liza! Liza. Are you alright baby." Mary knocked on Liza's door. She was worried. "Liza. Answer me. You didn't came out from the last 2 hours. Are you alright? Liza!"

Liza suddenly woke up from the sudden nap that she took while crying on the bathroom floor. When did she fell asleep? She had no idea.

"I, I am Okay." Liza screamed to assure she was fine. "I am coming."

"You scared me. Okay, now come downstairs. Dinner is ready."

Liza stood from the floor. Washed her face. Saw her swollen eyes and was sure, Mary will notice. As she was about to leave her room, something caught her attention. She looked back to have a clear look on what she thought was her drawings. She wasn't wrong. Her drawings, that she threw away in the morning, were right in front of her. Intact, like they were not even held in hands. Liza stood there, shocked. Did she really throw them or it was an another illusion? She knew she can't tell anyone. No one will believe. No one just like before.

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