11 Chapter 11: Morning After

Later the night, I lay restlessly beside Negan, his arms wrapped possessively around me, preventing me from moving.

How did I get to this moment in my life? I never thought I'd be put in a situation were i had to sacrifice some much of myself.

Though the covers on top of me are warm, my body still feels cold, thinking of the harsh conditions that Nate is enduring. I can't ever be comfortable, knowing that my husband isn't.

Lying in this bed only makes me feel more guilty, I need to get some air.

"Negan," I whisper into his ear, trying to wake him so I can ask to use the bathroom, he wouldn't react well if he were to catch me getting out the bed without giving his a reason.

"Wake up, I need to pee" I plea louder this time causing him to stir and halfway opens his eyes.

"What?" he asks in a grouchy voice.

"I need to pee," I say again.

"ok, but don't take too long" his arms let go of me and he turns over to the other side of the bed.

I stand up, my feet touching the cold floor and my hands rubbing together to fend off the cold.

I close the bathroom door behind me and twist the lock.

These are the few moments I have away from Negan to regroup my mind.

What the hell, Carmen? I think to myself, looking into the mirror in front of me. My appearance seems more dull and lifeless than ever. It's hasn't even been a full 24 hours as Negan's wife and I'm already breaking down, mentally and physically.

I splash my face with cold water, hoping that the look of defeat would wash away but it doesn't. My eyes still show the war I've been fighting deep inside myself.

I run my fingers through my hair and deeply exhale, it's time to go back to sleep.

My feet mindlessly carry me back to bed. When Negan notices the I've come back, he rolls over and throws his hands right back over my body. Pulling me uncomfortably close and pressing his semi-hard dick against my ass.

He moans huskily into my ear but falls right back asleep after.

His horniness isn't enough to motivate me, instead I close my eyes to force myself to get some rest.

_____________________

"Rise and shine!" Negan shouts pulling open the curtains to let in the blazing rays of the sun.

The instant light burns through my eyelids forcing me to open them.

"Come on sleeping beauty, we have a lot to do today and I know you're probably dying to see that ex-husband of yours," he says mockingly as he goes into the bathroom, still only in his boxers from last night.

I lift up the upper half of my body, still sitting in the bed. I stretch my arms over my head and let out a sigh.

Last night was rough, nothing but shitty sleep and constantly groping by Negan's wandering hands but honestly it could've been a lot worse. At least I could be assured that he wouldn't force me to do anything sexual especially considering the fact that we had sex earlier that day for the first time.

Though our sex wasn't completely consensual on my part, I can't blame him for how it happened. I didn't say no but then again I didn't say yes.

I should've known that Negan would find a way to get what he wanted out of me, his "no raping" rule is bullshit when you think about it deeply. I find it hard to believe that he couldn't tell that I was uninterested.

All this situation has done is illustrate the fact that I shouldn't take anything he says at face value, there's always something hidden with him.

"Hurry up sweet cakes we don't have all day!" he calls from the bathroom with the shower running.

I roll my eyes at his obnoxiousness and his stupid pet names but still, I stand and make my way to him.

The heat from the steamy shower radiates stronger as I get closer.

I begin taking off my bra and panties, the only thing I slept in that night, in preparation for the shower.

Just as I become naked, Negan grabs me by my arm pulling me under the flow of water with him.

"It feels good, doesn't it?" he asks as I stand in front of him with his hands rubbing my shoulders. 

"Yeah" is all I say back to him.

"I want to take you on a run with me, baby," he says kissing down my neck from behind.

This takes me by surprise, I've never been out of the Sanctuary since I've been here.

"Why? I don't have much experience with stuff like that"

"I know, but as long as you're with me you'll be safe. I want to show off my woman to the world!"

He slides his hand down in-between my legs, causing me to tense up. "and you're gonna be the good girl, that I know you are, right?"

His tone is slightly threatening so I quickly nod.

"and you're not gonna do anything to embarrass me, right?"

I nod again.

"Good!" his hand leaves my inner thigh and he grabs a rag, "now let me, wash you down"

During the rest of the shower, I don't say much, I let him do all the talking. He mostly tells me about a place called Alexandria and their leader named Rick. They sound like a nice group, but Negan, of course, doesn't necessarily appreciate people like that.

___________

"Everybody ready?" Negan yells to the Saviors as we walk up to his truck. The chill of the autumn air hits me for the first time today.

"Yes, sir" they answer in unison.

"Let's get going" he helps me into the passenger seat, then goes to the driver's side.

After starting the engine, he sticks his hand out of the window, motioning for his minions to begin the travel to the strange placed called Alexandria.