12 Chapter 12

"Why doesn't he smile at me like he used to? He smiles and Maria and Solono all the time." Julia gazed at all the degrees and awards that hung on the wall behind the doctor's walnut and leather writing desk.

"I don't know why it bothers me so much. Do you think I'm making a big deal of something of no importance?"

Every second Thursday for the past four months at 10 a.m., Julia visited her therapist, Dr. Vargas. Louis thought it might be a good idea for her to talk to someone. This way, he wouldn't have to listen to Julia prattle about topics he had no interest in.

"Do you think you're making a big deal about it?" Dr. Vargas responded.

"What am I paying you all this money for? I thought the way this worked was I share my issues with you and you, the expert, tell me what is wrong and how to correct it."

Dr. Vargas paused.

"That is not my job. My approach is non-directive. My job is to listen and help you, gather insight on what you want to change and how to make those changes. But if what you deem necessary is a more directive approach, I don't have a problem having more opinionated, intense, conversations with you. Would you like to try that approach instead?"

Julia stared at Dr. Vargas.

"He would probably sleep with you. You're beautiful and you have a pussy. That's all he needs. The sad part is that you would let him. Women love power. They crave it. Doesn't matter that he's married or has a prick the size of a grain of rice. He'd probably bend you over the same desk that you are taking notes. What's worse, the next day you would counsel me as if I wasn't aware. I've witnessed this behavior for years and I have to pretend that I'm ok." Julia sighed. "No matter how many times he has affairs the pain is still severe. It never gets easier."

Dr. Vargas scribbled on her notepad.

"I want to address why you feel that way but first let's revisit what you said about you being bothered about Louis' smiling at Solono and Maria. Do you feel that him showing genuine affection towards them causes you to resent them?"

"Yes!" Julia replied. "I don't know why but it does. It's not either of their faults. I love Solono to death. He's handsome, charming, smart, and caring. He'd give his last breath for any one of us and I'd give mine for him."

"Reminds you of Louis?" Dr. Vargas said.

Julia looked out the window that showed the skyline of Asuncíon. She knew that she had never shared with Dr. Vargas the circumstances of Solono's arrival, or Maria's and regardless of her antipathy, refused to share that fragment of her reality. She continued as if she didn't hear Dr. Vargas' question.

"Though I do not desire any harm to Maria, we compete for Louis' affection and I'm on the losing end. Dr. Vargas, Maria's mother was one of our servants. I, nor Louis, knew about Maria until her mother delivered her to our doorsteps. Louis didn't care about my feelings. I was forced to accept the new circumstances. I've struggled with that for years."

Dr. Vargas continued to scribble on her notepad.

"I feel like I'm an afterthought. Louis surprised me. He brought me flowers the other day. That made me happy. Sometimes I wonder how my life would be without Solono and Maria. Would I be that sparkle in his eye again?"

Dr. Vargas put down the pen and looked at Julia over the top of her bifocals.

"You disregarded my question, Julia. You said all these wonderful things about Solono and I asked you if he reminds you of Louis."

"No."

Dr. Vargas looked over at the clock that sat on her desk. "Our session has come to an end. Whether you believe it or not, you are making improvement. I'm glad to see you starting to open up and share intimate details with me."

"Thank you, Dr. Vargas, I will see you next month."

Julia put on her blue-lensed cat-eye sunglasses walked to the black limousine that waited outside patiently.

A strong smell of Chipa from a local restaurant distracted Julia. She ordered her driver to park the limo by the front door of the restaurant. Julia, with a guard nearby, entered the eatery and ordered her treat along with a cup of Terere. Sitting at a small, secluded wooden table that faced the busy street, she stared at the people who crowded the hot streets of Asuncion. As they passed by, she wondered about their lives, their dreams and sorrows.

A tomato slammed into her forehead and leaked on her face and white blouse. Startled, she leaped to her feet. A man yelled fuck the government before disappearing into the crowd. The guard was unable to locate the culprit. The waitress rushed to Julia and handed her napkins.

"My apologies, Madam President," the waitress said as she wiped Julia's blouse. "People can be so rude. No one deserves to be treated with disrespect whether you agree or disagree with their politics."

Julia grabbed her purse and handed the waitress all her cash, which happened to be more than the waitress made that entire day. She hurried to the limo.

"Madam President!" the driver said with concern. "Are you ok? What happened?"

"Nothing. Take me home so I can get out of these clothes. Thank you!"

"Yes, Madam President," the driver said.

On Saturday morning, thousands gathered in the capital after word spread that Louis would give the citizens pounds of corn, tobacco, and rice.

Because of the famine that was overwhelming Paraguay, men, women, and children came from as far as Caazapa and Coronel Oviedo.

Louis stood on the balcony of the historic Panteon Nacional de los Heroes dressed in his infamous all-white General's uniform, puffing on his Robusto and holding a half-empty glass of caña. He slowly scanned the thousands that stood patiently awaiting his benevolence. The crowd chanted, "President Silvay, President Silvay, President Silvay". He was unable to conceal his mirth. He glanced over at Solono as the chants became louder. To quiet the crowd, Louis held his half-empty glass in the air. The chants ended. Removing the Robusto from his lips, Louis said,

"Today is a remarkable day. I stand before you today, humble, at one of the most sacred landmarks in our country's history. I stand before you today in a historical building that reminds us of the disastrous consequences of war. This memorial reminds us that wives lost husbands, mothers lost sons, and children lost fathers. Besides our independence, what did they fight for? They fought for each one of you. These young men paid the ultimate sacrifice. Well my fellow brothers and sisters, I'm here today to honor their sacrifice. This is our way of honoring our fallen brothers. Today you will feast on the bounty made possible by our fallen brothers."

The crowd erupted. Solono stood nearby, mesmerized. Louis motioned for Solono to stand next to him. As Solono reached Louis, Louis grabbed Solono's hand and raised both their hands in the air. The countrymen's yells became deafening.

A few feet away, Julia wondered why Louis hadn't requested for her to stand by his side.