1 Intro Part 1: A Man Without a Place

Near the end of the balcony, a sweet melody spread around the entire room gave warmth to a man's hectic life.

'All my hard work amounted to this?' I leaned on the deck of my apartment while settling a glance behind my room. It was by far not a modest home. It was narrow and ragged, with holes and mold above the ceiling, as it would've been short of a miracle if the roof didn't drop on me.

While a Black lamp resting on a cramped desk illuminated the dark space as crumpled notes. Left-out trash was all scattered around the floor.

"I literally should clean up...." I glanced at my messy apartment. It was not a home fitting for a natural person. It would be best to call it a dumpster than a home for a reasonable human being.

"I need to wake up early..." I muttered as a deep sigh escaped my mouth. It was difficult struggling with two part-time jobs a day. Yet, what can I do? If I don't go out and work, where would I get the money to feed myself? I'm already living on the edge.

I look down below my pocket. As I felt as if my phone was vibrating.

'Is it another text from her?' I furrowed my brows. While I placed my hand on my head. It's irritating that my parents would call me every night and encourage me to come home…

"1 more year… just this once.… this is my only chance," I mumbled on a whim as I bit my lower lips.

"I still need to prove something to them...." I whispered as I groaned. As I Placed my phone inside of my pocket as I leaned on the side of my room. It was quiet.

I scratched the back of my head. A sigh escaped my mouth. Tired and empty, I could only close my eyes. It was dark while nothing was there.

Then suddenly, a sound echoed in my mind. It was tender, yet. Those tender words were more of a thorn that ached my heart. A voice I missed, yet also despised.

-***** time to wake up, honey. Come on, wake up, you're going to be late??!

"I-I still want to sleep..." I muttered to myself those words that kept repeating inside my mind repeatedly. Yet, why can't I even say that woman was my mom?

Was she my mother? Did they even try to give a glance at all my hard work?

While. The Memories of the past resurfaced. The painful words of the past emerged inside of my head. As it continuously echoed repeatedly, I remembered those cruel words that I won't forget till my Death.

-Are you not envious of your peers who are at the top of your class?

'I was always jealous... that you never got the perfect child that you wished for...'

-why can't you just get into a proper university?

'Still, I tried my best...'

-I'll hire a tutor for you, so better listen and work hard, okay?

'I have constantly worked hard for your recognition... even if you did, would it even help?'

-Son, look at your Sisters. Both of them entered prestigious universities at your age, yet. Why can't you even reach the top of your school? Aren't you jealous of them?

'Please stop comparing me to them.'

-****** didn't you hear from our neighbors that their daughter already graduated from the top of her class? It would be nice if you could also reach the top of your class, right?

'Please stop…'

-Son, I think you should go to Cram school. I've heard many of my friends bring their children there.

'You're wasting money… Just stop, please stop.'

-Why are you just lazing around like that?!! You know how much we worked hard!!!? Our blood and sweat for raising you!! We gave you a roof above your head to protect you from the weather. Yet why can't you pay us back? Why?

'No more..'

-Aren't you ashamed???

"I was always ashamed!!!" I raised my voice unknowingly. I covered my mouth as I lowered my head and bit my lips. As the beat of my heart slowly rises, anger and dismay filled my mind.

'Why is this world so unfair!!!' this single word continued to echo in my mind. As curses and dismay. Corrupted me. Even if I ran away from home, why still can't I do anything, right?

'Why is it so goddamn unfair?'

"F*ck..." I could only click my tongue as a sour expression ran over my face. It was already a thing from the past. Why do these painful memories keep haunting me?

The night was quiet as a sudden ring broke the silence. Yet was that it?

'Maybe it's good news...' I thought to myself as I heaved a sigh as a grin crept on my face. I knew better. That I was always a coward. I know I can't change that. I can't help.

As my hands shake in fear. I slowly grabbed my phone. Anxiety and fear were instilled in my mind. Expectations and hope of knowing just this once that I could prove myself to my family.

I closed my eyes as I slowly calmed myself.

'I can do it just believe... I can do it…' I cheered myself up, knowing it's only false hope.

I Slowly opened my phone, to my shock. It wasn't.

It was a text from my landlord. That was urging me to pay for my annual rent.

'Dammit, I forgot to pay my rent.' I dropped my phone on the desk while I lay down and relaxed my head on the top of my palm. The elderly woman was kind, yet. It's been a while since I arrived here. A sigh escaped from my mouth. If I wanted to live in this old residence. I need to comply. Or else I would've been living down the streets.

I need some positive news. I mumbled as I stared anxiously at the phone.

I stared at the screen of my phone for five minutes, waiting for something. Just this once. That's all I asked.

To my disappointment. No text had yet reached me about my entrance exam.

"I guess I failed again," I spoke in disbelief as a chuckle escaped from my mouth.

It's been my third time failing the entrance exam for the university of my choice. It's damn annoying.

A sigh of regret escaped from my mouth. I looked at my calendar hanging above the wall.

'Time sure is fast. It's already the 23rd of May.' I mumbled as I clicked my tongue at my incompetence. A year has passed since I Escaped my parents. I can't help but groan. I tried my best not to recall such a past. Yet, no matter how hard I struggled, I could only pray and get admitted to a decent university.

"Life sure is boring. " I looked above the ceiling of my room and sighed helplessly. I couldn't smile as I scratched the back of my head and slowly reached for the phone in my pocket.

'What time is it?' I thought to myself. It was stupid. I could've just looked at my calendar, even though my phone had one. Yet now I'm looking at my phone like the dumb person I am.

"I am that stupid," I mumbled and chuckled at my stupidity.

'I guess. It was already midnight. ' I walked to my balcony. I could only stare below me, Cars bustling on the road looking for the destination they seek, Men and Women walking in each of their respective paths, As they head home.

I questioned myself that I didn't even know. I dreamed of walking the same path as those people. If I did? Will my efforts pay off? Would I get accepted to the university of my choice? Would I even get that chance to prove to them I am me?

"Bullsh*t." I cursed myself. As a fist slowly formed in my hands.

'Hard-work? Don't make me laugh. ' As my face distorted in anger as each step I took grew heavy. I can only walk into my kitchen.

. I sighed at the horrible mess that was upon me. Dishes that were left for nothing while flies scavenge for food in its scrapes. I sigh in disappointment at how useless I am.

I grabbed a glass of water from the sink to my utmost shock. No water came out. I slumped my head As I could only sigh in despair as I looked at my phone. As the empty glass was on my other hand. I leaned down on my kitchen counter as I fiddle with my phone.

I could only browse the messages on my phone as I saw an incoming message from my sister. It was just a couple of minutes ago. Yet why didn't I see it?

'What excuses would I have to hear now?' I grumbled and scratched the back of my head as I stared at the screen of my phone. I knew how much they nagged at me and how much they told me to go back home. Never or even a single day as they did not stop annoying me, and persuading me about going back home yet. For the first time, I felt as if they had given up. I could only sigh in relief as the side of my mouth slowly curved up, As a smile formed on my face because of the unexpected news. Yet why did I feel as if there was a void inside my heart?

'Did I miss them? Maybe? Now that's just comedy?' I spoke in disbelief as I clicked my tongue.

I can only grumble as I read through My Big Sisters text.

{Hey, ***** It's me. I know my words can't reach you. I failed a lot in my life. So I know how it feels; It's okay if you fail.}

'Really? why are saying this now?' I could only look at my phone as clicked my tongue.

{I know it is late for me to say this. It has been a long time since. I've known for much hard work you put into your school, In just proving your worth to our parents, In most cases. I always peek at you while you are doing your homework.}

'As My sister, why didn't you do anything?' In my disbelief, I was bewildered. Me, your only little brother, yet you can't even take his side?

{ Sometimes I see you sleeping at your desk in the middle of the night. It was rude of me to enter your room and didn't dare to ask your permission but, I always peeked at your notes and always get surprised at how much work you put into proving Them they're wrong.}

"haha..." My eyes quivered as the emotions deep inside of me grew stronger. Why are you saying this now?

{ Answers and questions that have been marked, yet I knew I didn't even have the strength to speak on your behalf or do anything to help you. I only stared behind your back as I watch you study for each exam.}

"Stop...."

"Stop...just please stop..." I muttered as I placed both of my hands above my head as I slumped down. I took a deep and slowly continued reading the message. As I thought,

' Every day I wished. Just even a bit of your time that you could look at me, but. Why now?' I bit my lips as I could only firmly grasp the phone with both of my hands.

{You tried proving to them and letting them know you can accomplish something.}

'Each second of my life was always trying to meet all of your expectations...' As my throat clogged, I could only sigh as I continued to read the message.

{ But I think you have already proven enough... you proved to mom and dad something. I am ashamed to say this as your big sister. I don't know how much have you suffered, but it is best if you knew this. I know it's embarrassing to say this, but they changed. The time that you left them made them think how big of a hole you left inside their heart, plus Mom's worried and sick, so if you can please hear your Big sister out, you proved enough. Please come back home. I miss my little brother.}

'Home?' I can only bite my lips in fits of my anger as I clenched my fist. Did you even know how much I tried to do my best? Now you all are saying I already proven enough? Do you guys even know why I left that place?

"Did you even know how much I wanted to hear those words?" I chuckled while I placed my hand on the top of my head. My eyes planted on my phone. As I could only stare and curse how much I wished they would've seen it a little sooner.

'Why does it hurt so much to gain such small recognition?' I bit my lips as I stared below my feet. For my whole life, I've always looked down on what was below me. Some might say I've never faced someone or looked them in the eye.

But why now?

'How much deeper of a hole would I have to dig just to hide?

How much more do they consider me as a pushover?'

I know best how my mother tried to compare me to her friends, even with our relatives; I knew best that father always dismissed my hard work, yet now they feel guilty?

My face slowly crumpled in anger as I held the glass cup in my hand.

I can only look at it as a reflection of myself reflected through it.

It was the face of a person who was already tired, broken by society's relentless nature of its rules and demands. Did I prove everything I had? Why can't I stop moving forward? Why can't I stop?

"I guess. By the time I left the house, Mom and Dad already knew how much they looked down on me." I mumbled.

'Maybe... just maybe...' I muttered as a smile appeared on my face.

'Just maybe. I have already proven enough.' I sighed in regret while I slumped my head down.