Trying

Song/s: Jocelyn Flores (slowed + rain)

(I'll put when to play it if you want to)

Trigger warning/s: Implied suicidal thoughts (To help you out, there will be the following symbols: ~~~//~~~ ,when those parts start and end, please read with caution if this will trigger you.)

Flashback shown clearly with a ~~~

Word count: [1901]

——

1 month now. y/n and Tommy were slowly loosing it, just wanting it all to end. They were oh so worn out, eyes practically black from the dark circles under their eyes, and nothing felt like home. It was all pointless. Even Ghostbur didn't bother showing up. Ranboo had stopped writing as often, it was lamentable.

Time was stopped, y/n was convinced, as the days dragged by, and served a constant reminder of the endless days that lay ahead.

Oh what a mess they were in.

It was so hard to put up with, it hurt to keep trying, but y/n carried on regardless. She Christmas had come and gone, she'd had another birthday, and yet it didn't matter to her.

No one visited, apart from Dream, Tubbo hadn't even shown his face once. It was hard enough, but it was even worse, knowing, and accepting that he didn't care.

He'd never cared, had he? He only invited y/n to L'Manburg in the first place because she was family, but the novelty had worn off eventually, and now she was stuck here.

Well, that wasn't strictly true. y/n had been informed multiple times that she could leave Logsted and go back to L'Manburg, but it wasn't that simple. She couldn't 'just go back'. y/n cared too much about Tommy. If she just up and left, he'd inevitably act badly upon it, out of sadness and loneliness. Plus, she wasn't exactly on the best terms with... well, most people. She couldn't exactly just waltz into L'Manburg and expect them not to bat an eyelid now, could she?

Apart from Tommy, Dream was their only friend, right? I mean, sure, he still forced them to explode their stuff, but it was just second nature now. Dream was nice to them, other than that. Sure, he was one of the main reasons that the exile happened in the first place, but y/n was ready to forgive him, if he would help to keep them sane.

y/n had a lot of thoughts plaguing her mind every hour of the day, and night. It was stressful, and y/n felt as if the weight of the world were on her shoulders, but no matter what, y/n didn't allow herself to sleep.

It was morning, not to early, around 10 am. y/n was bored out of her mind. Tommy was obviously busying himself with something, which she was relieved about.

y/n stood up from the log absent-mindedly, and headed off on a walk around the island, in hopes to calm herself down.

——

~Play the music now if you want :)~

The gentle breeze caught in the girls hair as she walked, trailing around, with no intent to go anywhere, only where she found herself.

The rain started to pour down, drips landing in y/n's hair, and gently caressing her skin. But the sound of the rain was calming, she liked it for once.

It was nothing like home though. At the very same time, she longed to go back there, to fix everything with everyone. To feel the warmth from the fireplace, whilst Wilbur sang a song.

She wanted more than anything, to be able to cry, and yet no tears fell from the girls eyes. She was incapable of it, and even struggled to listen to her own advice anymore. Was it worth trying? Because giving up was sure looking like the better option right now.

It was all so difficult. Why couldn't she just go back.

~Should probably end the song now if it hasn't already~

~~~~~~~~~~

"y/n, y/n," Tommy repeated the girls name, annoying her, which eventually managed to get her attention.

"What?" she gave in, sighing as she turned to face the blond.

"Do you want to do some pranks with me and Tubbo?" he pleaded, turning on his puppy dog eyes.

y/n rolled her eyes, and stood up.

"Okay, fine. Who's our first target?" she asked, as Tommy ran to get Tubbo, a mischievous glint in the both of their eyes.

"Fundy," Tommy stated bluntly. y/n could only wonder what they planned to do to the fox boy.

"We thought, since he has two uniforms," Tubbo began, "We could graffiti one of them."

y/n only chuckled at their antics, but agreed to go along with them. She'd been at L'Manburg for a while now, and so she was used to it.

The trio snuck around inside the walls, as if they were spies, finally finding the spot where Fundy kept his clothes. They took the spare crayon- coloured suit and some pens.

"What should we write?" Tubbo asked, but Tommy obviously already had an idea, as he took the lid off his pen without a moment of hesitation, writing 'FURRY' on the back of the jacket. The three of them laughed about it, then deciding to draw a few more pictures and write some other things, though Tubbo and y/n much more discreetly than Tommy's comments and drawings.

They put the jacket, along with the rest, back in with Fundy's clothes, and waited.

They waited for an hour.

Nothing.

Two hours.

Still nothing.

It was coming up to three hours now, and they'd started to get impatient, especially Tommy. Just when they were about to give up on Fundy ever seeing their prank, they heard a shout come from the camarvan.

"WHAT IS THIS TOMMY INNIT?" Fundy yelled angrily, with hints of surprise in his voice, as the trio burst out in fits of laughter, revealing their position to him.

He practically fumed, examining the uniform over, as the three pranksters still continued to laugh at his expense.

"Wilbuuurrr!" Fundy called, his voice stretching the ur.

"Yes Fundy," he appeared from his study on command, looking very tired, to say the least.

"Look what they did to my spare!" Fundy huffed, passing the graffitied uniform to him. Instead of sympathising, he only laughed at some of the comments and pictures drawn on it, informing Fundy that it's stupid to be mad, as he could have fifty spare uniforms, if he really wanted!

Fundy eventually laughed it off, and the five of them sat down. Wilbur announced that he was on his break, and so he sat down with his guitar in hand-

~~~~~~~~~~

Reality hit y/n like a rock.

She'd never be home, and that was the only thing which had ever felt like home to her.

L'Manburg.

Before Schlatt, before presidents, before anything, really. But the ugly truth was that everyone from the flashback had drifted apart in some way. Wilbur was dead, Tubbo was... well, the lines were blurred, but he'd exiled Tommy, Fundy had chosen Tubbo, and Tommy and y/n were both barely hanging in there.

For a moment, y/n found herself wishing she'd never said yes, that she'd never be so lenient towards joining L'Manburg all that time ago. Maybe then everything would have been okay for her, and them. y/n couldn't help but blame herself, sure, she'd made some great friends, but she felt as if they would've had it so much better if she'd never just shown up one day.

Without really thinking, y/n found herself entering the nether.

~~~//~~~ See top of chapter for warning

She stared down, feeling the warmth of the lava. She understood why he liked it so much now, it was warming, a feeling the two of them definitely hadn't experienced in a while.

It would be easy, oh so easy, to just slip right into the lava, Tommy was right, all their troubles could be gone.

y/n wasn't even listening to her own words anymore, but maybe she was wrong.

She knew exactly how Tommy had felt, exactly-

"y/n?"

The girl's thoughts were stopped in their tracks, as they heard a familiar voice.

~~~//~~~ End of segment which requires warning

——

"Ranboo?" y/n's head moved swiftly to look at him. Was it even him? Her eyes were so tired, mind so clouded that she didn't even properly know.

"y/n, what are you doing?" he ran over to the girl, pulling her up. She flinched at the feel of his touch on her arm. Touch deprivation was kind of a given in exile.

"Sorry I just..." she looked at herself, around at her surroundings, and then it came flooding to her, what she was just about to do. Tears streamed out of her eyes unwillingly, as she broke down.

"Shhh, shhh. Hey, it's okay," Ranboo whispered gently, as he embraced the girl, the two sat until she stopped crying. The silence was comforting, and he wouldn't make her talk, until she was comfortable.

"Ranboo, I was about to-

"Yes, I know."

"But I haven't even listened to myself. I told Tommy that we needed each other, and look at me now!" y/n vented.

"Yep, but it's okay, you and Tommy will get out of there at some point, okay," Ranboo reassured.

"I guess. Dream doesn't look like he's going to give up that easily though."

"Hey look, I've felt so guilty, alright. I've been trying to write more, because it should be me. Instead of you."

"Ranboo, it should be no one. No one should be exiled," it was y/n's turn to assure him, "Look, I don't know how I ended up here, but I'm the one to keep hope, and I haven't given up yet," y/n decided, instantly more confident. She wasn't exactly her normal self again, but there would be no more of this, she would stay hopeful for Tommy, against all odds.

"Okay. Want me to walk you back to the portal?" Ranboo offered.

"Are you asking to walk me home?" y/n asked, a grin spreading across her face.

"I guess I am."

Ranboo walked the girl back to the nether portal, which she entered as she uttered her thanks to the boy.

——

Logsted lay in front of her eyes, once again, as y/n went back through. Slightly surprisingly, Dream and Tommy were already sat together, and greeted her.

"Thought you'd gone back to L'Manburg," Dream informed her.

"No, I went for a walk actually," y/n replied, matter-of-factly, "And I spoke to Ranboo on the way."

"Really? What did he say?" Dream asked, trying to play the question off as casual, bu tit was so obviously interrogative.

"Oh nothing much, he just said hi to me and then left again."

It was partly true, but a lot had been left out, but it was mostly because y/n didn't want to remember what she had nearly done.

"And so what happened?"

"Oh um... he just told me it's going to be alright, just the norm."

Said too much?

"Oh okay then. But Ranboo isn't your friend," Dream added.

"Huh?" Tommy and y/n questioned in unison.

"Yeah, that was probably just a figment of your imagination. A fever dream, if you would like. It wasn't real, I'm your only friend."

Dream's words rang through her head, thoughts swimming, drowning in an ocean.

"Wh-w

y/n tried to speak, but no words would leave her mouth. Her mind wasn't that strong, to conjure up situations, was it?

Dream was their friend.

Dream was their only friend.

——