Dodecagons

I suppose the phrase '*There's a lot of amazing things inside the children's eyes.'* wasn't all that wrong. Based on how I silently admired the scenery from the Ferris wheel, I supposed the grown-up inside me had failed this time. 

Steadily, the pod where we were accended and the view of the whole amusement park gradually appeared. I peered intently through the window as I witnessed the people below had grown smaller and smaller.

Although the warmth inside me hadn't disappeared, I felt it calm down because of the breathtaking scenery. 

I wondered where did this warmth inside me come from. I had no memories of having an illness before. Although it wasn't that good and it only fell to the line of 'at least it's edible', I always ate the food that my sister made for me. I paused and contemplated when was the first time I'd felt this warmness. Was it because the spiky boy abruptly grabbed my hand when we were in the aquarium? But we held hands while looking for Eimi… Was it connected to my past life?

Silently, laughed at my surreal assumption. But when I realized how childish that thought was, I shook my head.

"Sakura?" The spiky boy glanced at me dubiously.

"Oum, sorry. It's nothing."

*Did my bewilderment show up on my face? I hope not.*

Since there was no telling what the spiky boy would do, I decided to sit on the seat across from him. Just thinking that I'd sat next to him made me want to hide my hands. I'd noticed it earlier when he reached his hand to me, helping me to enter the pod, he was staring at mine intently for some reason.

I shifted my face back to the scenery but my eyes were discreetly looking at the spiky boy. He had his head hung low, looking at his feet twiddling together. *That reminds me…* I casually tried to reach the floor with my feet without moving my body an inch. 

*So it can't still reach it, huh…* I thought as I got the result. 

I sighed in disappointment, Well, it just had been a few days or so since I last checked. Obviously, height didn't work as though you just sleep a few days then you'd suddenly gained a few.

Thinking about it, I knew I once read a book about this stuff but apparently, my mind easily forgot things that seemed not to be needed for my future. 

*Future, huh…*

For a brief moment, I contemplated my future. I always had this thought but still, I couldn't see my future in a clearer picture. It was still vague. *How do adults prepare for their future?* Evidently, I had no way of knowing since I was still stuck with kids without a care in the world around me. I'd once tried asking the teachers about it but as I expected, they just gave me a vague idea and let out a light laugh. It seemed like they didn't take my question seriously considering I was *just* an elementary student hence, I didn't bother to ask them again. I also thought that it would be better to look at it myself since I would gain more knowledge than just receiving the answer from the teachers.

Just then, I noticed the pod had stopped moving and took its rest. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw a beam silently soaring through the sky and leaving its trail behind. A split second later, the beam bloomed and scattered its light on the sky. 

*"It's pretty…"*

Now I knew why Eimi insisted(?) to ride the Ferris wheel in the last part of the trip. Certainly, the view of the firework made my heart flutter. It took too much of my attention that for a second, I forgot the reason why we ride the Ferris Wheel.

"Sakura!"

Startled, I brought my gaze up to him. The spiky boy was looking at me intently with his mouth pursed and there was a shade of red on his face. I was taken aback. *Did he see me reaching the footings?* 

He hadn't said anything instead he inclined his body, quickly snatched my hand, and laced his fingers between mine. I froze, eyes widened as I wondered why did he do *that.* I tried to pull my hand from his but for some reason, my arms felt so weak… or was his grasp just too strong.

"..."

I tried to say something but no words came out of my mouth. My chest felt heavy and my heartbeat started to run fast. I wondered if he could hear my heart from where he was, fortunately, it seemed not.

"Sakura!" Once again, he called my name. I flinched but didn't move my gaze away from him. His gaze wandered in any direction before he opened his mouth again. "The truth is I…"

*Boom…*

I knew he said that out loud since he had his mouth wide open but still, I didn't hear what he said. His voice along with the popping and crackling from the fireworks was pushed to the back of my ears and all I could hear was my heart, beating so fast.

With the fireworks flickering in the sky, I felt something pierce and burn inside my chest, gradually creeping to my cheeks and ears. *What is* *this? What's this warmth inside my chest?* I asked myself as a warm liquid swelled from the corner of my eyes. My chest was heavy and at the same time, it felt so hot as though someone set my heart ablaze. And before I realized it, I was holding my breath. I forgot to breathe—no that was not it, It was too hard for me to breathe. 

The dam of emotions suddenly opened and surged right towards me. It was suffocating. 

"So...sorry."

The only words I muttered as a warm liquid fell on my cheeks.

The door of the pod suddenly opened. I hadn't realized that the pod already descended, but it didn't matter anymore. Taking the opportunity, I shook my hand from the spiky boy and rushed out to the platform. The wind blew cold but it didn't lessen the heat inside my chest. I got out from the cramped Ferris wheel's pod but it was still too hard for me to breathe. 

Having no idea what to do, I ran away with my hands wiping my eyes. 

"…Sakura?"

I heard Eimi's voice in a distance but I didn't slow down my pace. I just ran away, hoping to stop the flow of emotions inside my chest. 

I felt my chest in a flame, and every spark of its fire prevented me from breathing. It felt too hot but it also felt suffocating as though I fell into deep water and desperately swam up. If I'd got stuck here and never get to the surface, I was certain it would leave me nothing but burns and suffocation.

*Hence, I'm running away…*

I knew it was a childish way to run away but still, I couldn't help but escaped, trying to evade this pain and trying to avoid his feelings. That was because… *I'm scared.* Thinking that feeling would burn me up someday made me feel scared.

*"…hicc."*

The wind was cold but my chest felt so hot. Halting, I crouched down and buried my face between my knees. There was no person around but I heard someone's sob and eventually, that someone started wailing. I attempted to bring my gaze up and look for that someone but my arms wrapped around my knees wouldn't falter.

There, in a place where there were not much of people, a girl was crying. That night I found out the answer to my question. I knew someday I would encounter this feeling again and my heart would set ablaze again but…I hoped when that time came…

*The older me could handle it.*