Chapter One

Chapter 1

The Life I'm Now Living

 Paige Andrada

          I have no idea what is happening around me. I am not sure where--or what I'm doing but one thing is for sure; I'm liking whatever this stranger's doing to me. At the time, I do not care whoever he is, I did not dare listen to what my mind was saying. I only listened to what my body wants and needs. My body, my mind, everything is under his control. All I know is he's making me feel pleasure I haven't felt before.

      My eyes are tightly closed, I am afraid that the moment I open them, everything will be gone. I gasped at the sudden intrusion and I felt a pain inside of me. It feels like I'm being torn. I gripped the sheets and bit my  lip,  I  felt so uncomfotable but amazing at the same time. The man above me is whispering comforting words while caressing my face and body at the same time. What's happening to me? 

   I feel wonderful, I can't help but moan whenever he moves. Moans that I'm sure I'll be ashamed of when I think of it but right at this moment, I couldn't care less. All I wanted was this man to go faster, to go harder and make me feel good. I didn't know how long but I felt my body becoming sore and tired with his aggressive thrusts. All I can hear is my moan and whimpers and his groan of pleasure.  When he was done he slowly eased out of me and I felt empty but too tired to do---say anything.

   I WOKE UP WITH A GASP and couldn't help but cry. Cry because I was lonely, cry because my nightmares wouldn't leaven me alone. Cry because nobody will hear it anyway. I tried to forget, I tried to forget that moment of my life that messed up everything---including me. I hated the guy who took my virginity with passion. There is not a single moment that I did not wish for his dearh and if ever there's a chance of me seeing him again, I will chop off his manhood and feed it to him.

   I sighed and stood up. "Time to start a new day. Haha. not." I mumbled to myself.

         I sat down in front of a small table and reached for the foil and put some powder into it before sniffing it. I closed my eyes and hummed to myself when I felt it entering my system. It calmed me made me forget about my stupid dreams, like it always does. I stared into nothing and laughed, heh, seems like all I ever do now is laugh or cry. Wouldn't be surprised if I find myseld in Asylum. I looked at the clock and saw that it's almost time for work. 

   I stood up and stepped inside my small and dirty bathroom. It looked like a public restroom but it helps me bathe myself so heh. Do I have any other choice? I can just imagine it to be a luxurious one. I changed into a fit black strapless top and red leather skirt that reached just below my ass. I stared at myself in the old mirror and snorted. I look like a slut---oh wait. I am. 

    I stared at my face, what used to be a beautiful pair of eyes now staring back at me with no emotion. Lips that used to stretch with smiling so much now always pressed into a thin line. Bags under my eyes, hollowed cheeks, Paige, do you even recognize yourself anymore? Tears threatened to fall down. There is no use in crying now, Paige. This is now the life you have. You cannot count on anymore but yourself. Your parents did not believer you and abandoned you. Your friend who you thought you can count on turned their backs on you. You are on your own.

   I know, bitch. I answered my conscience.

  After getting ready I went out of my small apartment, I needed to find money so I could pay for it. I felt my neighbors were looking at me again, I could feel the heat of their stares. Their judgement and laughter. Stares full of pity, annoyance, anger. I just rolled my eyes. They need to get a life and just ignore me. Nobody wants to be like me, hell, I hate what I'm doing, too. It's not like I wake up ine morning and decided I want to sell my body.

     "Whore!" I heard one of my neighbor shouts but I ignored it. I'm too educated for them,just because I am a prostiture doesn't mean I will stoop to their level. I will not earn money to pay for my rent with them.

     I got to my usual spot just a few blocks away from a famous nightclub in town and waitied for a customer. I looked around me and found some familiar faces, my rivals. Some of them sneered at me maybe because I am quite familiar with men than them. But I can't say that I always come home every night with some money, the competition here is tight. After an hour of waiting an old car stopped in front of me. I stopped myself from wincing when he pulled down the window and saw an old man with a bulging belly. Yep, definitely unlucky.

     I put on my fake smile. I can't even remember when was the last time I smiled.  "Hey lover boy." Grandpa, rather but I can't voice that one out.

    He smiled showing me his false teeth that made me cringe inside. "Hi, pretty lady. How much?" 

   "fifty bucks for blow job, a hundred bucks for sex. I don't do bareback." I said in a very casual way like you're just selling some candy.

      "Wow, that is a bit too much!" Great, a cheapstake one, too.

    I smiled in a very seductive way. "You'll not regret every second of it."

   He seemed to think for a while before nodding his head. I got inside his car and waved at my rivals goodbye, laughing a little inside. He took me to a cheap Hotel and inside, he wasted no time in devoring a young lady's body. I can't really remember what happened because everytime, my mind just went... blank and I always found myself staring at the ceiling like a dead body. A broken and disgusting dead body. But my mind is always nagging at me saying, "Remember every moment of this to remind yourself that you once lived a life like hell."

"Man, you're beautiful but you're like a dead fish." The old man stated after and I actually thought he will not pay but he threw a couple of hundred bucks on the bed. "I don't know what happened to you and I am not really one to judge 'coz I'm the one paying for a prostitute but Miss, there is more to life than this. You are young and pretty. Do not waste that." He preached and shook his head before leaving.

    I just stared at the door with the money clutched tightly on my hand. I never wanted to be like this, too. Don't you think I tried to have a normal life? I tried countless of times! I tried applying for local and even the low paying jobs but I don't know how my Parents did it but they always mess up my chance. They threatened and paid every single company I applied to. Even the smallest ones. That is how much my Parents hated me. And eventually, I have learned to hate them, too. How could they do this to me? Their own daughter? I have lived a life worthy to be called their daughter but one mistake and they treated me like a stranger, like an enemy.

        Right in the middle of the bed a stranger used me, I sobbed. I sobbed with every pain I have. I clutched my breaking heart.

       Just a few months ago, I'm having the best day of mylife and now I'm experiencing the worst. I wanted to finish college and achieve my dream job. Marry the guy I love and have children. All of that is now impossible. No man will ever want a used woman like me.

      When I calmed down, I went out of the Hotel not caring about how my face looked like after all that crying. Who cares? I don't. I am sad and hurt. I am in pain and caring how I look is the last thing I should care about. I walked and walked, not really knowing where I'm heading. My mind is blank, my eyes probably held on emotion.

    I was so out of it that I didn't heae a car honking until it almost hit me. I screamed and my knees gave up on me. I clutched my heart and just stared at the car. I almost died! I closed my eyes and squeezed it tight when I felt my head spinning. Oh, now I remember. When was the last time I eat?

     "What the fuck Miss? What the hell is your problem?! You could've died!"  I heard a man shouted in anger. I tried looking at him but my vision is already fading.

  The last I remembered before losing consciousness is the pair of strong arms catching me and lifting me up.