No Time For Love (5)

I got hold of my love's letter the third Monday night of December. Calculating the speed of postal services, she must have replied immediately upon receipt. I didn't know how I was feeling when I was reading it. I felt I was being mocked and ridiculed by her. As always, she was so straightforward with the way she argues and I always find myself at the losing end. I focused to write down all my burning passion, my desire and dreams for her yet her letter came watering them all down like it was the most ridiculous thing to do on earth! I know it should be done in person and in the most proper place, but what can I do? We are far apart and I'm really missing her! Why can't she see my plan? Why can't she understand my need as a man? Is her dream more important than me? And she was even pushing me away!

I can't calm myself down as I paced around my room. I wanted to get mad at her! I wanted to crush her in my arms! I wanted to break my heart just to let her see what's in there. I wanted to fly the distance to be with her tonight, to confront her. Why does she seem so adamant when it comes to serious relationship? What's wrong with her?

Firstly, she left me without proper goodbye word or kiss. If it wasn't for Marie, I wouldn't have contacted her at all. Secondly, she didn't take the initiative to write me when she didn't receive any letter for those three long months. Thirdly, she refused my offer to help her in her studies although I knew she needed it. Fourthly, she ridicules me with my proposal and even pushes me away!

Why would a woman do these if they are really committed to a relationship? I started to doubt her love for me. Is she just playing with me? I can't believe she can play it this hard!

My heart hurts thinking that I am being played around by the girl whom I only set eyes upon. It adds to my hurt that the she used me as her reason to break away from her ex boyfriend! I started to clench my fist and gnash my teeth in anger.

I went to the study and checked my schedule for tomorrow. Fortunately, it was not as hectic and urgent as those from the previous cases. I would finish them within two days so I could drive to the North on Thursday before she leaves her boarding for home. I wanted to talk to her. I'd accept if she simply said I'll wait but I never wanted being ridiculed because I was dead serious about something. And who is that ex boyfriend of her? He better not get close to my girl again! Who is he by the way!?

.....

Thursday came and I got my other car key. I bid goodbye to grandma upon seeing her watering her flowers. I told her im going up North for some important matters but didn't tell her I was going to see my girl.