Father's Style

I was at home the whole Christmas break. I went to the farm to help my mother and some relatives harvest rice and pull farm weeds. I much prefer going out to the farm because I have only one focus. I hate staying at home because there are so many things to focus on.

During this Christmas break, I observed our Papa, as we call him, went away so often and came home somewhat tired and anxious. However, as our parents' practice, they only talked about important things when we were not around. I felt something was unusual with the way Papa was acting lately. Only, I cant pinpoint what it was.

It was past new year and we needed to go back to school. Papa gave me a letter to mail in the post office. I didn't have any idea what it was. I had a bad feeling that it has something to do with our family's situation but then, not hearing anything from our parents means that it should be manageable. I posted the letter the first school day of the year.

Later on, I remembered I should write to Mark just to say 'hi! I'm alive and well' and to wish him happy new year. I wonder how he is doing ! Last time, I remember he came but didn't show up...that puzzled me!

So I wrote:

Mark my Love,

Happy New Year!

You are like a tattoo in my soul that is etched and never be erased. You managed to Mark me as yours with your thunderous voice and gentle kisses. I always long to hear your voice and feel your touch. I miss your kisses too. Am I this shameless now? But atleast only for you, cause in my heart, I'm already yours.

Mark, I just need to ask you. Did you deliberately hide from me when you came here last time? I will never forgive you if you did. Was it you whom we met on the road and you didn't even say hi? Why was that? I don't understand why you came all the way here just to hide from me!. Or did you come here for someone else? I was deeply hurt when I learned this. Yet on the other hand, it dawned on me that maybe I was not really that important to you.

Just maybe, maybe not.

I love you. Mark my love!

The love is deep,

Fem Law

I sealed it and mailed it the next day. I didn't bother to edit it as I was more effective at writing down my thoughts on first writing. Editing my writing always leads me to change my original thoughts that doesn't really express my true emotions.

....

Three weeks had passed since school resumed. It was now the third weekend of January. As usual, I went home hiking with some of my villagemates who were attending same school. We met my Papa along the way riding his dark brown horse. He wore his cowboy hat and his original old cowboy boots. His pants was tailored by Mama and his suit was white topped with deep red woven native fabric. He looked like a knight as he halted the horse beside us.

"Have you checked if the canteen there have some new people? " Papa inquired. The canteen was just about a curve away from the starting point of the trail.

"We didn't see any. Maybe it was their car who came after we left." I said as I looked at my father, not daring to ask question because it was useless getting scolded. He always thinks his children have nothing to do with his plan.

"When you get home, you cook for lunch and take care of your siblings. Your mama went to the farm. " He instructed me.

My face turned sour as I heard I needed to stay at home. I didn't like it but I said yes anyhow.

About half past two o'clock in the afternoon, Papa arrived looking famished and thirsty. He took of his shirt and hanged it on the wall. My youngest sister was alert to get a towel and wipe his sweating back and hand him a cup of water while I scooped some food for him.

Papa assigns anyone of us his children to pray before meals but this time he had to eat alone and pray by himself. I hid myself behind the door as I listened to him praying. I wonder what was bothering him these past previous weeks. I heard him mumbling words about God's provision, care for his children's future and fixing relationships that are marred by envy and greediness. I was alarmed. Something is definitely not right! I thought.

My father's words are not usually cheap. They come with heavy weights that's why even his slightest request are like already a command for us his children. We practically grew up in fear of being inadequate for anything.

That's one reason why I rebelled after my highs school years and didn't want to continue enrolling to college. After one year of trying my way, Papa wrote me a letter asking me to enroll for the next enrollment, which I did. I was still in fact young in age compared to my classmates who were two years older than me.

I entered primary grade at a very young age. We were classmates with my older sister but I was the one who continued to high school when her left ear got infection and her hearing got impaired. Also because of lack of finances that we cannot go to school at the same time. I was just so blessed to be sent to school despite having no awards. I didn't aim for any awards ever since. I felt it was not right to receive awards when all you did was to scheme your way against your classmates while sticking close to your teacher for favor. It was only when I noticed that I didn't have any awards did I tell myself that awards were shameful when you got nothing in your brain.

"Is Stanley still your classmate?" I heard Papa say while he was taking his coffee that I just served. I was washing the dishes.

"Yes.Why?" I said realizing that I had the guts to question him back.

"Is he bright like his brothers?" He asked again.

"He is our Maths genius and he doesn't take notes in our classes. " I said like I was also amused by what I was saying.

"That's good! Did you know he is your fourth cousin? His father and I are thirds." He said.

"I just know he is my cousin but I didn't know what degree." I said.

I was waiting for him to say something more but then he seemed to have self distracted his thoughts. He ordered my our youngest sibling to bring his shirt which he wore after he finished his coffee. He took his horse to the mountain where he let it loose before heading to the farm.