12 I Missed You...

"Fem, please open this door, can we just talk for a bit? Please? .....Please?...." Lester has been knocking my door for the past 30 minutes. It was now three weeks since the school resumed another year. Four weeks since I left Mark. I never heard from him since then. I was wondering how he is by now.

I was doing my drafting homework and was so engrossed at it that I never bothered to be bothered. This is one of my favorite subjects. I can go on and on without even eating once I started. I sat down just after arriving from school, letting my younger brother do the cooking in the common kitchen. Some of my boardmates started to gather in the living room helping Lester to knock the door. I finally opened the door having been distracted by the voice of my brother asking to get some stuff inside. I unlocked the door then returned to my study to continue what I was doing. Lester slowly came in like he was a thief. I knew he had collaborated with my brother though. He sat by my bedside which was just arms length from my study table. I was feeling so nervous at the same time I wanted to laugh at myself for behaving so silly. He sat there for full five minutes just trying to figure out what I was doing, never saying anything.

Finally, sensing that I wasn't going to talk, he sighed deeply then spoke, "Fem, can you just smile to me for once? I missed you" he said softly and I saw him raising his hand towards my face but it didn't reach there. It stopped midway and then dropped helplessly. I was annoyed that I all the more frowned.

"Fem, please tell me you were just joking." His voice came quivering.

"Get out! Why are you here?" I said calmly yet I was scared of what he might do.

"Why?" He said in a pleading voice almost shaking. I almost believed he was having tears. "What do you want me to do? You know how serious I am to you!" He said, raising up one arm to his face. 'Did he just wipe his tears off?' I thought as I glanced him with the corner of my eye.

"Nothing, just go!" I said blankly. I didn't want to see him crying infront of me. I pity him and wanted to say some comforting words but I was afraid he will take advantage of my words and twist it for his advantage.

"Why? Did you give yourself to him? I wouldn't mind, right?" He let out in a bit firm tone. I felt my ears grew hot and wanted to slap him at his face. I just gnashed my teeth instead, zipped my mouth tightly and gripped my pen almost breaking it. 'How dare you!' I was screaming in my mind.

"Just get out!" I said in a trembling voice with my eyes coldly staring at my work.

He rose to his feet then like painfully, he leaned on my study table with his palms gripping its corners. "I wish I could do that for you so you will spare the time to talk to me." He said with a more gentle soft tone.

I was so irritated that I started to get up from my seat to scape from him. "Fem, you are really impossible!" He said now crying while dragging his feet towards the door with bowed head. I kept quiet and didn't look back at him. But I felt very sorry seeing him cry. I didn't understand what that 'impossible' meant. I knew it was quite unreasonable for him but considering I am a student, he shouldn't bother me. I admit he was my first boyfriend but I realized I wasn't ready for a serious commitment now...'atleast after I finish my studies' I told myself.

....

My boardmates were in a commotion in the living room when I got out to the kitchen to check what food we had. My cousin who was the friend of Lester was among the boys sitting there. Lester apparently has gone out straight. My cousin looked at me like I was a murderer but he didn't say a word. I know they were peeping at my room earlier. I intended to let the door open incase some unwanted things happen.

Later that night, my cousin went to sleep over with his friend at his pad. I was comforted to know that he can be there to sympathize with Lester.

"You are so cruel!" He said turning his head to me when he was at the doorstep putting on his shoes.

"..."

"Hope he is not drunk yet!" He said trying to make me guilty.

"That's no use, he will get over it soon." I said closing the main door.